DeStiNY

2012-01-24T14:54:00.002Z

Happy Lunar New Year to all!! While welcoming the year of Water Dragon, its also the time to do some reflection of what we have done in the year of 2011. :) And of cos, to come up with this year resolutions.
2011
Travels: Koh Phi Phi, Phuket, Seoul, Hong Kong, Macau, China (Guilin, Kunming, Lijiang)
Visitors: Ryan & partner, Aoife, Heikki, and most importantly, my beloved Peter.

Needless to say, it had been a busy year for me. Other than juggling time between work, personal life, family and friends, maintaining the long distance relationship has also been a commitment.

Life is always full of up and down. Through every pitfall we went through, the more understanding we have of each other. Though we did not speak of the feelings deep inside of us, somehow we both do know clearly how we really felt for each other.

2012
Work - I can feel and see that there will be more responsibilites to come.. And i really hope that i can achieve my goals before the year ends, or before i leave the place. I dont know when i'll be able to go back, but i have to start working on it in order to be with him.
This is one thing that i know that i want to do for sure. I dont know why, but my heart is telling me to head that direction, although my brain is telling me not to because of the current europe economy status.

I've set some goals to achieve this year obviously, but how ready am i? Honestly, i do not know.
All i do know is that im going to put in my very best to what is ahead of me. :)

2011-07-30T17:30:00.002+01:00

I am feeling weary, exhausted.. not just physically.. but emotionally, psychologically as well.. Dont know why and really dont understand why too.. why are people around me always have high expectations of me.. ever since i can remember.. and yes, i have always push myself to meet their expectations, and i have certainly have not let anyone down so far.. but now.. im tired... really tired... i just wanna be free from all these.. i just wanna be me. i just wanna be free.

2011-05-14T17:00:00.002+01:00

Time passed by in a flash when life is too busy, too occupied to slow down and smell the roses along the way..
Once again, it always happens when im feeling really drained and yet still staying up in the night, and probably this is my best time to pen down my thoughts.. :)
Recently realised that my wall of self protection is up again.. or maybe im just being sensitive to my surroundings. Its not that i don't feel safe but im just being very wary of people (strangers) around me.
And why i mentioned that im feeling exhausted is because i had lost my cool on wednesday at work, and i dont like it, at all. Siti mentioned that she thinks that i am slowly becoming someone whom i dont like.. And yes, I have to learn how to keep my cool and level headed. I want to be in full control, and i have to.

2010-11-13T18:30:00.002Z

Like i have mentioned, next week seems to be the 'happening' week.. and to add on some tension and stress to the suspense of 'waiting'.. it seems that P's mum has pieced everything together by herself and know about our relationship.. O M G is the first 3 letters that came across my mind and the next thing i felt.. worries.. i am really not ready yet.. i can understand totally about her worries, while i am thousand miles away, everything about us just doesnt seem to be working right.. but really.. all i want to say to her is, please do not worry.. we will work it out ourselves.. but oh god.. honestly.. i dont really like this kind of feeling when i can feel the suspicions, doubts, judgements, insecurities.. but i also dun want to make the same mistake again by freaking myself out before anything is really going to happen.. So now, I have to tell myself to stay calm, be strong, have faith and believe. im just hoping that and dont want him to face these stress, questions, doubts by himself..

2010-11-11T15:08:00.002Z

Next week is going to be an exciting week, i think.. and i can feel it already.. :D

Awaiting for an offer from one of the main hosp in singapore.. awaiting for a reply from another hosp.. and of course, waiting for my tax refund from ireland, which is long overdue!!

Another good news or one thing i am really looking forward is having one of my girlies whom i know from dublin, is coming over to spore for xmas and new year! I am definitely missing the good company that i have been having from dublin so much!! Its not that i am not having fun with my friends here in singapore, but it is kinda totally different. ;)

Good things are definitely happening (finally) as the year of 2010 is coming to the end, and of cos the new year awaits. :)

2010-11-07T16:43:00.002Z

Somehow, sometimes, i do have a little regrets of moving back home.. but it is also because that i have moved back to singapore, that has made Peter do all the small little things that have touched me in many ways.. Coming all the way to singapore for 3weeks for holidays.. despite of having a bad back and couldnt sleep on the long haul flight.. spending every single minute together for the 3 weeks he was here.. and he has asked me to go back to dublin.. even now, he is trying to learn mandarin on his ipod on his own.. even though i really want to go back there, but the difficult part is for me to get a job there, and it is not as easy as it used to be.. every day, everytime we chat on skype, it makes me miss him more and wished that i am back in dublin.. i miss everything back there, the city, my friends, the fashion.. lol ;)

Wish me all the luck, have faith & stay strong!! :)

2010-11-07T08:07:00.002Z

Many things have happened since i came back home this summer. There are so people whom i grew closer to, and there are also a few whom i grew apart with.. Sadly to say, im refering to my family.. Lots of the old memories came back to me, true feelings were finally opened up to, and although i do understand of why he would behave that way to me, and none of us can change the past, we would have to live with it and get on with it. We cant choose our parents, that i know. And we just have to accept it, that i did. We all have to forgive and forget, that i tried and thought i did, but somehow, i dont really think so. But im blessed in a way, that i have my siblings to count on, and through all these years, we have indeed grown closer and we are actually the ones that keep the family together. We are all different but similar in some ways or another, loving & supporting one another in our own ways, that is one of the reasons why i came back home, because i dont want to miss the important part of my little nephew's growing up, and certainly dont want to miss the times that i can spend with my little brother before he settles down with his own family.

2010-10-30T18:09:00.002+01:00

Last night had one of my worst night ever that i will never forget.. but it was also one of the 'best' night i had with my brother after the heart-to-heart talk..

It has been a long while since i had cried so hard over family matters, and last night i really hope it will be my last one. I could not even remember when was the last time when i had cried over family matters. Since i moved back home in june, this was the second time that i had a heated argument with my father. And once again, i felt like a total stranger, outsider in this household. Lots of memories, feelings came gushing back into my brain.. and it struck me last night.. That why did i leave the place in the beginning, how was i being treated so unfairly by my parents for all these years.. how unhappy i had been in the family when i was growing up, how unattached i was.. how much i want to be away from the family.. all these feelings came back to me.. Maybe its like this saying goes, "There are things that you can forgive, but will never forget" And yes, these are the ones.

Maybe its like what my brother said, Dad will only, has only been venting out on me, and not on the rest of the family members.. because i am just as stubborn as he is, and also that i was the reason why he got married in the first place... geez.. really, that was the first time it struck me.. yes, that totally make sense! but hey, seriously, that wasn't my fault at all!! They could have just aborted me, and save me from these unfair treatment. And yes, i know and i have got it over that i cant change or choose my parents, my family, and that was when i had forgiven them and accepted the cruel fact, but after all what i have done, and yet, that was what i was being treated back last night.. honestly, for that split second, i really want to give up, pack up and leave. But i didnt.. and i couldnt.. thinking and knowing that my brother has been the one backing the family up since i was gone, and the hardship that he had gone through.. it broke my heart. I really want to be by his side and support him, because it is my brother and sister whom i really came back for, wanting to spend more quality time with them, making up for the lost time since i was away. It is because of my siblings that i am still with this family, without them, i would not even want to try to keep this family strong and together.

Being different in this family is not easy, and honestly, it has been kinda lonely as well.. but now, since i know that my dear siblings are totally supportive & accepting of whom i am, i know that i dun have to worry about anything, but to just focus on myself and be happy.

Have faith, be strong & confident.

2010-10-20T01:56:00.003+01:00

Happy Birthday to me today! :)
Waking up everyday is a blessing, as I am still alive.
Im glad that I am no longer sad when i see pics of C & his gf. Instead i felt a chill..
Guess Time really heals all wounds isnt?
Be it that i know C will always be somewhere hidden in my heart, but as long as he is happy, im good. :)
We might have missed each other's boat, but im glad that at least we have found another and we are happy.

Trial

2010-09-18T01:20:00.001+01:00

Found this app on iTunes That enables me to post on blogger on my iPhone n finds this really cool!! 
One more day to Peter's arrival!!

2010-08-21T13:00:00.002+01:00

As the day is drawing near for my sweet boyfriend to be here, the idea of having him over here, meetin my family and friends... i realised that i am starting to get cold feet....... (again)
I supposed to be very excited.. but i am very calm now... i remembered that whenever i used to get all excited about something/someone.. it always turned out bad... so as time goes, i have slowly changed that hyperexcitement to the super calmness... even in this relationship.. i am playing super cool too... keepin it low profile... just the total opposite from what i used to be/do...
honestly, im not sure how this is going to work this time.. but i do hope its all for the best, for the both of us..

I had the brilliant chance just now, to tell my beloved granny about me dating this sweet lovely irish guy... but i couldnt even say it out... not because im afraid that she would disapprove of it.. its just that i dun want her to be disappointed if things didnt work out in the later part (which of cos i hope not).. maybe its just not the right time yet to tell her... its just not the right time to tell the family yet.. especially my ever-scrutinizing mum.. there's stil abt 1mth left.. i'll just have to wait til the day is comin near...

2010-08-17T16:34:00.002+01:00

Sometimes i do feel that i must have been born on the wrong side of the world
Sometimes, being different from the typical girls that i've known since growing up, its not easy to to be myself one hundred percent..
Sometimes, i do think that i have this multiple personality disorder, of course not in the destructive way.. :) but in a good way..
Good in the sense that i have different group of friends whom loved the side ofme when im with them.. it does kinda balance my personalities ;)

2010-08-13T14:06:00.002+01:00

How easy does one person fall in love with another?
What about falling out of love?
Given the exposure of all the temptations that are out there.. how long can one person restrain hiimself from falling into the trap?

Just like what i told one of my BFF, A, I know i can trust him, that's why i can do the long distance with him.
In the past r/s, it has all been the other one that i was with, who betrayed me, and so i did the same thing too.
Someone said, " When two people are together, it can either bring the best of each other or the worst"

Im not saying that all the past relationship has brought out the devilish me, its more of the circumstances that brought it out.

I have almost forgot about the idealistic part of me on relationship, especially after being through with the not-so-good ones.. ..

but this time, and the one before this, is slowly reminding myself of what i used to believe. . .

When two people are truly in love with each other, they will have to brave through all the dangers, storms, earthquakes together, by believing in each other and themselves.

2010-08-09T18:08:00.002+01:00

As much as i dont really wanna admit to it, but i cant deny it too, about last night, and what i feel and think.. i did had a great night out with an old friend of mine, had my 1st beer after so long, dressing up n feeling great, it does brings back lots of good memories n feelings of being single n available, being in the field of the game of love.. The Good, Old, Wild Days..

Of course, i am already not like what i used to be, although we all knew there's always this wild side of me, in me somewhere. Everyone grows up, and so did i.

Being with someone now, who is an idealist, romantic in heart & so simple, someone whom i was like, before the wild, rebellious side of me was released, and got into the world of all temptations.. has made me more grounded than before, and careful of not falling into any of the traps of these temptations.. This is going to be a real test of perseverance, patience, trust, understanding, all in the name of true love.

I just hope that this time, there is no single dishonesty or lies in between us, from the beginning till the end.

2010-08-07T17:28:00.002+01:00

I think and I feel that i might have already get onto another track, that i have not really fully realised it till now. . .
but of course, after now, that i had woke up from my own dream,
i am actually glad that im on this track.

I love every minute that we had spent together,
even til this moment when we are both in different countries, different continent, different time,
the way he makes me laugh, our small conversations, even to the tiniest details of the times that we had. . . it is heartwarming.

It is good to know and feel that he really loves me, and maybe i am really that important to him. just 6more weeks to go.. and i am excited to have him over here, even just for 3weeks. . .

2010-08-07T14:21:00.002+01:00

Family time is slowly becoming important as i grow up, especially after being living away from home..
Just by being home, just having a simple dinner on a saturday evening.. all these simple things made me happy now.
I have always been a very easily content, easy to please person.
I am glad to have my family and my friends here. ;)

2010-08-06T18:23:00.002+01:00

I wonder why some would think that i am not that strong. . .
although i do understand that they just want to protect me from the hurt that i would have. . .
but honestly, what is really good for me.. is to just tell me the truth. . .
let it hurt me now, then to be late. . .
and so that i can get over with it sooner, than later. . .
all i want is to hear it from you personally, so that i wont spend the time hoping, wishing. . .
and to actualy spend time to heal my wound, as it has always been. . .

Somehow, thanks for at least telling me (now) still. . .
although everytime i think of Japan, you comes into my mind. . .
you will always be there somewhere in there. . .
even till the day when it doesnt hurt anymore. ;)

2010-08-06T08:23:00.002+01:00

There's always this saying, 'The best is always the one that you can't have'
Guess there is some truth in it :)
Sometimes, no matter how deep you try to bury the feelings down in the heart,
no matter how hard you have tried to let it all go,
somehow, it still hurts..
Let time heal the wounds, and it will not hurt anymore.

2010-07-23T18:31:00.002+01:00

Finally the chapter is closed, but i wasnt expecting it to hurt so much, all over again...

It is never easy to mend a broken heart,
Never easy to let go of someone whom u really loved,
But when its time to let go.. or when the one whom you loved has already let you go,
U know the time is here.

Things always happen for a reason, and i still believed that..

Somehow, the time has come.

Time to close the door completely, and open the other.

2010-07-21T08:43:00.002+01:00

I once used to imagine how my ideal man should be, like, he must be taller than me, older than me, not more than 4years, someone who has his own ambition, inspiration, sporty, humourous, smart etc etc..
and i did went out with these so call ideal guys and loved them.. but i ended up being hurt each and everytime.. the biggest fall i had was the 5yrs relationship with whom i almost wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. someone whom i have changed myself so much that i dont know myself anymore. someone whom had betrayed my trust behind my back, maybe many times that i dont really know as i had not ever faced it. All these betrayal, hurt that i have experienced through my growing up days.. had made me stronger, and more sure of what kind of person i want to be with, and somehow in a way that i dont get into a relationship that easily too..

Trust has to be earned, from me, in this case. In friends, yes, that can be easy. But to be with me, its not so easy anymore.

When im away from home, i really found this someone whom i really want to spend my life with. Age was not a problem when we started. But as time went by, and things are slowly getting a little serious, i got cold feet.. i was watching the movie, Rebound, and it reminded me of what i was scared of.. i remembered telling him that he should be doing things that what usually people around his age should be doing, travelling round the world etc.. and not settling down with me etc.. it was almost the same with what the movie was showing... Hah! It was kinda weird..
Im glad the movie ended good. although im not too sure about my future, but im glad we still managed to keep the friendship.

And now, being in this new relationship, with someone who is younger, by 3years, instead of 8years.. everything is going on pretty well. Though it is now a long distance relationship, which is going to be so much tougher.. gues, other than hardwork, trust, and patience, Love & Fate & Destiny will reveal my Mr Right when the time is right. :)

2010-07-08T16:24:00.002+01:00

How many people dislike tests, examinations when they were in school? Guess i belong to the minority who actually do think that having all the tests and examinations are a good way of testing myself on what i have learned for the year.

How many people realise that actually LIFE is full of tests? Honestly, this thought just came to me tonight. That life has always been a journey of tests, examinations for everyone of us. The tests does not end when we graduated from school. I remembered that someone used to said that he/she was really happy to finish education, so that there will be no more tests/examinations... ... Think of it, how many people you know, or even yourself, did said something like that too before.. ..

Life, to me, has always been a challenge, an adventure, a journey, that we make our own decisions, choose the path that we want to go, and embrace whatever that is coming. Even though the road might be tough at times, or maybe a lot more for some others.. Patience, Perseverence and Luck will eventually bring you to the place that you want to be.

Upon reflection of myself, i know that i used to take Life seriously. Sometimes, maybe too serious that I have set very high standards on myself, and eventually, to the people around me too.. Of course, there is always two sides of the coin that one has to look at. I'm glad that i have grown and learned so many things from all the people around me. I'm thankful to all the close friends who have been with me for these years, for their patience, love and understanding to me. I'm always thankful to my family too, and of course not forgetting those whom i had worked with, who have been such an inspiration, the encouragement and support that they have been to me.

As for now, being back home in singapore after almost 4years, has been a wise decision. And surprisingly, for the last 10years of being in the working force, i have finally stop, slowing down my pace. I am doing exactly the opposite of what i had been doing since i can ever remember.

Sometimes, in life, One do have to slow down and smell the roses along the way. Things that One thought that he already know, might not be the same now when he actually stop and look at it again.

2010-06-01T18:15:00.002+01:00

1st June - the day when i am officially back in Singapore, after spending almost 4yrs in dublin.
I had thought about this for almost a year, and when i had made my final decision, i believed i had made the right decision.

It was not hard to hand in my resignation letter. I remembered that i felt a total relief when i left the ward after tendering the letter. I knew that i did the right thing.

I knew that the difficult part is actually to leave my friends, but the most difficult part is to leave Peter as well..

I should be happy when i touched down in Singapore, but i was actually balling my eyes out again, even after crying for the last 2days in dublin.. I miss him so much already, miss my life in dublin..

I dont know what will happen in the future, but i am looking forward for the challenges that will coming up to me.

Im grateful and thankful for my supportive family and friends. I am home now because of you.

2010-04-17T00:45:00.003+01:00

It doesnt take me long to know if i can get along with a person,
and it also doesnt take much for me to dislike a person either.
I had one of the greatest time today spending with some fellow singaporeans friends.
I think this is one of my greatest forte, being with people, other than dogs ;)
Im going to miss all the friends that i had made in dublin here.....

2010-04-14T21:39:00.002+01:00

My heart actualy skipped a beat, felt a little sore, and eyes were about to get teary, when i saw my sister put up pictures of my parents & my siblings..
At that moment, i wished how much i was there with them..
I cant help myself but to look through the pictures over and over again
and to realised how much my parents have aged,
and of cos my dear sister and brother too, have both grown up.. so much
Why do i have a kind of feeling that i am the only one who seems to have stopped growing..
Or Maybe i should put it this way,
that i have grown up too, but not together with my family,
especially for the last 4years for being away from home.
This time, it has really striked me that i really do miss home, and i want to be with my family.
Although it is not going to be easy to leave this place that i have grown to love, having my own life here, but somehow deep inside, i know that i have made the right decision.
And definitely, i still have a reason to come back here again anyway.
somehow or another, i believe it is so.

2010-04-06T11:32:00.002+01:00

Was going through some of my schoolmates pictures on their FB page, and realised how times had passed and how almost eveyrone has changed over these years.

Come to think of it, most of my classmates, and even most of my friends are already married, most of them with kids, even for my little sister too! But honestly, i still don't even feel any pressure about getting married, or even having my own kids! ;)

Now, feeling that i could be different from the rest of my friends.. ;)
well, its not something that i am ashamed of, because i have always wanted to be different from others anyway.

I always dont like to just follow what is on the trend, follow peoples' track..
I always been the one who doesnt conform to rules. ;)
Wel, rules that doesnt make sense, or those which i think that can be bended (at least)

2010-03-17T11:41:00.002Z

Things are so much easier & clearer when decision is made, and everything seems to make more sense. ;)

Just hopefully all will go smoothly from now on.

This is my first time having no exact plans of what, where i want to be, or what to do, but strangely enough, i wasn't even worry about it.

It might seem to be wrong, but it felt right at the same time too..

2010-03-04T11:09:00.002Z

Once you have loved someone with almost all yr heart, you will never forget the person no matter how long you are apart.
He will always have this place in my heart, no matter what happens, no matter where i am.
His name, his face, everything about him, is just like a tattoo in my heart, it will never be erased.

Of cos life still goes on, and im pretty sure he did too, that is prob also one of our ways to prove the love for each other, that we will still move on with our lives even though we are apart now.

Maybe our paths will cross again, if destiny brings us together once more, in this big world of ours. ;)

2010-02-24T13:14:00.003Z

It is really disappointing to once again see n experienced how selfish one can be, especially when the selfish one is one of my colleagues. Being in the healthcare profession, maybe naively i thought all of us are kind of the same.. Giving unconditionally.. but of cos, the nature of humans.. sometimes it can be really disheartening..

After going through this ugly scene.. it confirms my decision to leave is right afterall.
Being in this profession, i think i have seen enough the good, the kind, and of cos the bad ones too..
And it is also because of this exposure of the real life, it only makes me even stronger than i thought i can be.

Someone once ask me, why do i love watching movies? Why live in the imagination of other's lives in the movies than being in my own?
That is because, mine is already full of adventures, stories, colors, than sometimes its better than see other's lives and imagine being in it, sometimes ordinary and simple is good too.. it helps me to slow down my pace & to appreciate the simple things in life.

Librans are always trying to find a balance.. indeed i am.

The time for me to take it slow is coming near, i can feel it already, and honestly, i am looking forward to it too. Maybe it is time to catch up with me soon, my dear friends. ;)

2010-02-02T23:38:00.002Z

Sometimes there are no reason why you want to do something,
no explanation to why you feel the way you do.
Sometimes you just know that you have to do it.
There are always things that happen in life around you that neither explanation or reason is needed.
Sometimes you just have to listen to your heart, feel it in your heart.

Maybe after this 2weeks of break from work, will help me to get over the dilemma that has been troubling me for the last week.
Hopefully, i will be able to get some answers in my heart.
I need to be able to feel it once again, before it drives me nuts.

2010-01-28T11:04:00.002Z

There are times when no matter how hard you try, the harder you try to make it better, things will go worse

Sometimes, even when you know you had done yr best, done all the right things, still it might not turn out right.

Sometimes, even when you know how much you really love the person, still you will have to let it go.

When someone has given up hope in life, it doesn't matter how hard others try to save it.

2010-01-24T19:19:00.002Z

The year 2010 aka the year of TIGER, and just because of the number of 2010, i truly believes & hopes that this year is going to be gret one for me. ;) because of my birthday is 20th October
But as according to the lunar calendar, the year 2010 is only starting frm 14 Feb, so guess would have to wait til then, and then we´ll see hw this new year wil go for me.

Year 2009 has definitely not been the smoothest year for me, as i can remember till now..
even for last week, i had the weirdest n scariest dreams for 3 consecutive ´nites´
I actualy dreamt of spirits/ghosts, and there was once where it really felt so real that i can still remembered till now.. still sent a chill down my spine though..

My eyes were closed, and i heard someone in my apartment, heard the footsteps, coming closer & then i felt that it was on top of me, i couldnt breathe, couldnt make any sound, and all i did, was to pray. When i finaly can open my eyes, all was still the same. It was really weird, cos this is the 1st time that i dreamt of this.

And before that nite, i had another ´dream´.. that i really heard Peter´s voice, just right beside me, asking me a question.. the voice was just right beside my ear.

Honestly, this kinda disturbs me, cos i dont usualy dream when im asleep. and having 3dreams consecutively.. this is really unusual..

Will go to get the book once i get the time to go to the bookshop.

The last time i browse through the book in the bookshop is when i actualy dreamt of my brother came to visit me in dublin, but he was dead from the plane crash when on the way to dublin to give me a surprise visit.. it was his spririt that i saw. Gosh! i was horrified!! i remembered that i woke up crying so hard, and called home right away to make sure that he is alright, and was warning him to be careful, and he was kinda joking and reassuring me that it was the ´Ghost month´ as well.. .. .. ..

right now, im in Malaga, Spain, for almost a week, and everything is going on well, like the usual, dreamless nights. Im hoping that it will stay like this when i go back to my own apt in dublin.. ..

2009-12-29T18:39:00.002Z

Although One can change for the better, but there is always something that One cant change.
No matter how much One tries to change or to hide, One can never change the nature of One has born with.

When One is born to be a fighter, One is Always a fighter, for One is not born to be a follower.
Even when one tries to suppress the competitive nature, there will b a day when the competitive nature will surface once again.

Just be what you are, without hurting anyone or yourself.

2009-12-22T23:26:00.002Z

Walking down the memory lane

It has been awhile since i have the time to sit down n do some reflection..
so now, being away frm dublin, away frm all the buzz in the city, im now in belfast over a friend's plce for couple days. this is one place that i have subconsciously trying to avoid to visit. im not avoiding my friend & his sweet family. i was avoiding to remember the times that i had in belfast with chris, bcos the train that i have to take frm dublin to belfast will b passing by newry & portadown, that was where he stayed.

No matter how long one try to avoid to face the demon deep inside, one still has to face it one day.

As when i had promised to visit keith & his family for xmas, when we met up when we were all in singapore, i knew i couldnt run away from it anymore.

When i was on the train, everything came back to me. The good thing is that all the memories that we had left, are the sweet, lovely, loving ones. right now, i couldnt even really remember wat didnt work out. It was all so beautiful, especially when the train passed by newry & portadown, it was actually snowing. A really beautiful sight. Gues this is one of God's way to tell me how beautiful the relationship was. :) i wasnt upset or emotional, just felt peaceful. i do still miss him, gues it is one fact tat i cant deny. :) and im all good.

Although i know i will remember alot more tomorrow when i hit the town, but im looking forward to it though. Because the last time when i came to belfast, was with lily. so there wil b a mixture of memories, but all is good. :)

Being in belfast, and hopefully can take nice pictures, gues it is one of the best way to end my 'travels' for the year of 2009. i would still consider being in belfast is being away on my travel, bcos it is under UK! we're using pounds over here! LOL

2009-12-08T23:41:00.002Z

it has been 3weeks since im back in dublin from singapore, and geez.. not a day tat i was free.. wel, i had always been very good at keeping myself occupied anyways..
Had been really disciplined about hitting the gym for the threadmill on all my rest days ;) Mainly because wanting to maintain my fitness & weight of cos. The main goal is not to put on any weight especially during the winter time!!

Something happened when i 1st went to sauna after my holidays, i actually had a episode of syncope, just straight after coming out from the sauna :(
i dun know how long i was passed out, but thank god that i didnt hit my head or hurt myself in anyway. i dun want any more incidents anymore!

christmas is round the corner, and for this year, wont have to spend alot of money to buy any gifts, as i will be spending my xmas in dublin ;) i will see this as a good thing to be, as by right i should try to save as much as possible, as the stupid irish government is going to have a paycut across the country for the public sectors... ....

the increase of the tax, since the recession has started in the early months of the yr.. and now another paycut.... this is really not looking too good.. :( gotta hang on there for as long as i can!!

2009-11-28T22:47:00.002Z

Its almost the end of Nov 2009, 1more month to end of the yr 2009.
6weeks of holidays in singapore has passed so quickly and now im back in dublin once again.
It was so difficult for me to get on the plane this time, but here i am.. back in the freezing cold.
Although i was reluctant to leave home again, at the same time, i was missing my 'other life' in dublin too..
And of cos, now when im back in dublin, i miss my '1st life' in spore.. hah

Its xmas time again, and i wasnt surprised to see the same light decorations on grafton street.. cos it was the same just like 2years ago.. i wonder hw many yrs have they been using the same lights for xmas already..
and all the memories i had for xmas in dublin, were all with chris. sweet.. and tat was 2007. We had celebrated xmas early tat yr as i was to go back to singapore for my sis wedding. The xmas lightings were out, and it was such a sweet feeling walking dwn grafton st and we took some pics too.

This year will b in dublin for xmas, and thankfully, i will not b working tat week. I seriously dun like to work on festive seasons. Although i am not going to be anywhere but dublin, but as long as i am not at work, i am happy. ;)

As this wil most likely to be my last year in dublin, or last xmas i would say, i dun mind whatever or wherever i am goin b in dublin ;) wil definitely try to make the most out of it

2009-11-09T14:47:00.002Z

All thanks & gratitude to Varun & Caniff, & Varun's family's great hospitality for my 1st trip to India. My stay in Delhi was totally memorable & definitely i would want to go back there again, and do my way of travel. ;)

Being there for the wedding is absolutely a honour, and at the same time, i had learned something from it too.

There are many reasons why people get married..
Some are for benefits, some are for the real love, and so on
and so,i know what i want and what i dont.

I was thinking of you when i was at india, and wished that i could share it with you.
No matter where i am going to be, jsut want to say that you'll always be in my mind ;)

2009-10-04T11:43:00.002+01:00

A Part of me goes with you, when you are gone
the lyrics of this song reminds me everything abt us

2009-09-27T22:55:00.002+01:00

Hw many times have i been disgusted by how selfish one can be.. how inconsiderate one can be..
Its really 'amazing' how one can be so ignorant of others around him/her..
I used to think the typical characteristics of Kiasu-ism, kiasi-ism only exists in my homegrown plce, but.. honestly, to my comfort, in some ways.. this kind of attitude is everywhere, anywhere, any human being in the world.

How difficult can it be to put others first?
How difficult can it be to be more polite, courteous to others? especially, when the 'stranger' has done nothing to you..
How difficult can it be to hold/open the door for the one behind or in front of you?
How difficult can it be to give up yr seat to someone who needs it?
How difficult can it be to know that you are not the one & only patient in the ward / hospital?
How difficult can it be to realise that you have been rejected more than once, that i am not interested in you, and i have even told you to stop trying?

It is not difficult to see / realise that nowadays men are also behaving more like a girl now, that Sometimes, i really want to tell them straight in the face, "BE A MAN!" or "Stop being a pussy & get on with it"
Dont test my patience.. cos i am not known for that.

2009-09-20T18:32:00.002+01:00

i know i hav been sayin this for a long time... im reali lookin forward to my trip back home this time.. and am already counting dwn to it too.. i tink alot of pple ard me has alredy sensed tat too.. ;)

just 1 more month to go.. it wil b my birthday!! going 30 this time!
many pple or mayb gals dun reali look forward to birthdays, esp hitting the number 3.. but, wel, seriously, im not!
I have been looking forward to it though.. wel, i look forward to my bday every yr.. ;p

im stil tinking, how shld i do my bday party.. or who shld i spend it with.. wat do i want to do on my bday.. wel, all i knw is tat, as long as i am spending as much time wif my familyn friends when im back in spore, i am happy. it doesnt reali matter hw we do it. ;)

counting down!!!

2009-09-18T21:33:00.002+01:00

Bizarre thoughts for the day

- was considering that maybe i can work in clinic, 5day job, if im going back home for good

then when i was waiting @ the traffic light to cross the road, a car sped fast through me
then this came to me, " i wonder how much it hurt if i get knocked down by the speeding car.."

Then when i was browsing through one's profile & pics.. this came to me " I dont know if i can trust men anymore.."

And when i got home and got a lettermail, i wasnt even bothered about what i had got back from the agency.

All i can think of now.. is YOU.. I really miss you.

2009-09-14T15:33:00.003+01:00

There are times when i do wonder
What did i actually missed when im away from home

Other than missing spending time with family & friends & of cos my dog, and the food ;)
i do know that i also missed many opportunities at work & love (maybe)

Everytime, when someone says, "i really envy you, travelling around the world, single, working overseas blah blah"
There is always Gain & Loss in every decision u make, the path that u choose, the sacrifices u make.
I think my mum has started to understand me better when im away frm home.
Understanding that i am pursuing my dreams, my wish.

Just wanna say a big Thank You & I LOVE YOU, to my supporting, loving family & Friends, who have stayed with me for all these years. U folks have no idea how bad & guilty i feel when i know that i cant be there for you when u have any trouble at home, but do remember and keep in mind that, my heart is always with u & distance is never going to drift our friendship away, and i am always just a call away.

I am really looking forward to my 6weeks of holiday back home. ;)

2009-09-10T21:21:00.002+01:00

Waking up @ 4am consecutively 2nights, despite of falling asleep @ 1 & 2am..
Have a sudden urge today @ 3pm, that i want to be somewhere near the water..
these thoughts & feelings just kept on repeating in my mind while waiting for the bus..
"I want to, i have to, i need to, i got to GO to the beach"
Unsettling mind, unsettling heart..
Finally got to the nearest 'harbour' to my place.. my mind just started to say,
"yes, this is what i need, this is what i need now"
The peace, the smell of the saltiness of the seawater, i can even smell the clams, the mussels..

It has been a really long time since im @ the beach (by myself) to clear my mind.
The last time when i went on my own, was last yr, to greystones..
Although the sun is shining, the sky is clear today, it looked almost perfect.. the imperfection is that it is very cold, its almost freezing (for me at least)
But the most importantly, is that i did get what my mind needed.

Its only going to be 930pm now, but im feeling wrecked already..
im having a bad feeling.. dun knw what is tat.. just feel something is not right, somewher, somehow....... just when i thought i had almost everything in control & checking away the tasks that i had finally done which i had put away for months... im just hoping n praying that everyone back home is safe n sound & healthy.

2009-09-09T23:47:00.002+01:00

I think i have definitely learned one lesson frm working here in dub..
The way to die young.. but its probably also the most painful way to die..
Be an alcoholic (abuser)

Its really sad to witness how one slowly has to die.
Its even heartbreaking to see how much the family has to endure
Im kinda glad that i am not the one who has to 'send off' this patient.. because i was the one who received her when she was transfered from another hospital..
And im glad that at least i had did all i could to make her last journey a comfortable and painfree one.

God bless.

2009-09-07T18:56:00.002+01:00

Looking through the pics, thinking about the life i have in dublin,
suddenly, i do feel that i do belong here.. .. .. ..
That feeling.. is also what i have been dreading..
Distraction, i need distraction!!

2009-09-07T18:18:00.002+01:00

When hope is all lost, then Time will definitely heal all wounds.

So, let me lose all the hopes, so that I can let Time heal my wound.

I can find other hopes when i totally lose this one.

2009-09-06T21:27:00.002+01:00

It must be ages ago & I really missed this feeling.. feeling of being close to my dad..
I realised that i do missed his voice, his laughter.
How lucky we are in these modern days that communication has made so easy for us

I dont remember when did my dad went for his long deserved holiday. This time, he went to Phillippines for 2weeks with colleagues and im glad he had a great time. He spoke of his adventures & the great times he had, i was just sitting on my gym ball listening to him.

Somehow, as always, the topic changes from his trip to me.. to think that he is still worried for me, makes me feel kinda weird but happy in a way. To think that i have always thought that i am the least of their worries among my siblings.. maybe not..

No matter what is my decision, i know he will always be supporting me.

I cant wait to be back home & to tell him in person myself, that I love him.

Just like how much i wanted to see C, to tell him in person, that I love him.

2009-09-01T22:52:00.002+01:00

Life is always full of surprises, be it good or bad, no one knows what is coming.
There is also a lot of sayings, philosophies.. like
A leopard never change its spots.
What goes around, comes around.
Never eat where you sh*t

I have never like one who lies or cheat, and i used to say this, if you cheat, never ever let me know. If u lie to me, dun ever let me know the truth.
Once, i was betrayed, lied & cheated on by the one i loved
although all is forgiven, but i would never forget
although i have totally let it go, but memories remain

i prayed for you to be a grown up & to treat the next woman right & well.
knowing that you are doing better and in another long term relationship, i thought my prayers were answered.. but.. who knows.. you are making the same mistake again..
breaking another poor gal's heart

wel, at least somehow in some ways, i felt so relieved for myself
im glad that i am what i am now,
somehow i have to thank you for it as what i have gone through with you, has made me a stronger person.

i still believe tat u r not tat bad in yr nature, but stil, u reali dun knw why u had done this to hurt the pple who loves you.
to think that u can still remember what we had gone through, i reali wonder what is in yr mind, what has make u change so much.. or did i make a mistake.. that this is yr real nature..

i just hope that u will come to yr senses & stop hurting pple who loves you.

2009-08-13T23:18:00.002+01:00

Watched a show by Angeline Jolie & Edward Burns, Life or Something like it, makes me ponder..
well, everything happens around me, anything that i'd watched, makes me ponder..

What is important in yr life?
Your career?
Your wedding?
The man that you are going to marry, just because he fits all the criteria in your checklist?
The so-call PERFECTION that you have created yourself...?

Sometimes, what you think its important, what you have gone through, what you have come so far from, what you have worked so hard for.., might not be the real thing that you want in your life...!!

Define Love.

Define Life.

Define Perfect.

If you look into the dictionary and search for the meanings of these words, you get plenty of explanations of the words.

But in real life, let's just keep it simple.

If you love somebody, tell them. Dont wait for the special day/moment to tell them, because that day might not come. Everyday is special as long as you are with the one whom you love.

Live your life to the fullest everyday, because the next day might not come.

As for perfect, as the saying goes, No one, Nothing is perfect, so dont look for one and you don't have to be one.

I don't have to be one either.

2009-08-12T22:23:00.002+01:00

its been almost 4yrs since i had sponsor this kid frm mongolia, with the organisation, World vision in Singapore.

Really happy to receive this card frm the kiddo, where he will keep me updated abt his general progress. well, not really by the kiddo as he is still too young.. it is filled up by his grand dad. Last yr, the card was filled up by his mum. ;)

Mongolia is one of the country that i have been wanting to go and visit, way b4 the sponsorship.

i think i might have some affinity with the country, and prob with the kid too.. ;)

when i contacted world vision to express my interest for the sponsorship program, the 1st child profile they gave it to me is this kiddo, and i said yes. it was near xmas then, so i suppose that's also one of the best xmas present tat i had given someone. ;)

2009-07-14T22:45:00.002+01:00

Its been awhile since i last post something but now i have such sudden urge to post something that my dearest brother had wrote in his blog. Here it goes, ;)

15 July
Can't seems to fall alseep on another restless night (Chin Family)
HAHAHAHA who is in the right mind to be so awake at 4.28AM! I could have fall asleep at 12am when I felt so tired, but now! I'm facing insomnia! -_-" all because of my stubborness to face tiredness! HAHAHAHAAnyway, it might be heaven's will to keep me awake so I can start blogging once again! LOL. There has been a couple of times when I wanted to "restart" a blog but I just couldn't bring myself to face it. LOL. *for many reasonssssss* Past is over! Lets look ahead! =D One of the reasons that I should blog/write down many things was that I cannot afford to loss any great memories in my life AGAIN! It is such a painful feeling that I would never want to face it once again...... Thankfully, most memories are still kept safely in my heart :) I'm blessed! :pHmmmmm, what should I blog? Ok! Let's start with my family! Hehehe, I seldom talk or discuss too much my relationship with my family, HAHAHA, maybe we are being brought up too independantly already, LOL. But! No matter what happens, I have the best parents ever, best sisters ever, BECAUSE, they are my ONE and ONLY family members that I love! I will only remember the great things they had done and slowly forgetting what they "might have done" :) Fate has brought this family together and giving each and everyone "tests" "obsticles" to overcome and End of the day, we are always 1, FAMILY...... *did i just forgot to mention Coko?

*Dad (The True Master Chin): A guy who has my utomost respect for being so tolerate and forgiving in the family. :) Suffering in silence most of the time...... maybe that is what it takes to be a dad, the person who works the most, pay the most and contribute the most to the Chin Family. Waking up almost everyday at 4am to get ready to work, taking care of Coko (our dog). :) Life has changed this man from a gangster to a family man, a man who makes mistakes in life but still faithfully carrying out his duties as the Head of Chin Family.

Mom (Guardian of the Chin Family): Woman are meant to be softer and more sensitive towards relationships and feelings, my mom is no different. She is always the one who gets worried and heartaches when any of the family members get hurts or suffers..... Of couse! She is also the one who take care of everyone in the family, do the dishes, clearing all our mess, maintaining this family. The person who is the saddest when my 2nd sister got married! LOL. Life has changed this woman from a princess to a empress, the straight forward nature and self centred person has given in to every single child she had.....

Eldest Sister (The free soul): A mature woman who knows how to really live her life to the fullest, not afraid to make mistakes and always daring enough to take the step that some guys would never be able to take. :) She is the free soul that I admire, the courage and independantness that I cannot afford to take. :) This woman had gone through alot to be who she is now, I can even see the difference she makes, the thinking and piority she had in life changes the day she left us to persue her dream...... She is ever changing! LOL. *wonder will I be able to see this woman get married, hahahaha* From a girl who is rebellious to a mature woman who lives overseas..... Life has made this woman more family like. =p Begin to appreciate this family more, loves this family more. :)

2nd Sister (The settled soul): A mother of 1 who always make family her piority in life. Studies is really not her cup of tea eventhough she might have done a lot better when we were all younger! LOL. Her family focus attitude is something that I will have to learn when the time comes by. She is always the one who makes the extra effort, go the extra mile to organize celebration for birthdays/special occasions. Currently having a family of her own and still learning to be a better married daughter, :p things are going smoothly for this young mother since she was born, LOL, maybe she is the most blessed person in this family (apart from me) :p From a young girl who is always being bullied to a lady who found true love and got married..... now becoming a true mom who is experiencing the happiness of building a family. May all good things fall upon this sister of mine~ Great health to Jaden and of course Mr Bond <---- U r the MAN!

Coko (precious): If there is someone who doesn't knows that I have a brother that lives with me, then I shall introduce this COKO of CHIN family! The dog who my family members adore so much and care so much (even more than me)..... He is also the most un-contributing member of the family! LOL. Ok! he did contribute by pretending to be pathetic and gel us together when he seeks attention, hahahaha. The dog who loves to sleep on my bed and make a mess out of it! keep following strangers who stepped in my house, without barking!!!!! The dog who doesn't bark or lick unless being forced..... -_-" sometimes I wonder whether is he a dog or pretending to be one. LOL. From a puppy to Hmmmmm, a puppy still! LOL. Really hope there wouldnt be a time to see off this brother of mine..... Wow! I haven been able to write about myself because I will surely leave this to my family members to do it! :) I love you all! There wouldn't be a better family in this whole world except for the Chin Family!

I was so touched & felt terribly heartache, missing my family so much after reading this. He had hit on all the facts & truth abt all of us, that we have never say it out due to the way we were brought up, but of cos im sure we all know this too, in our hearts.

So to add in to his post, this is for u bro!

Brother (the joker, slacker, most goodlooking in the family)
Since we were kids, i have always loved my brother more, and given that our similar personalities, i am closer to him too. Watching him growing frm a mischievious, happy chuckling little boy to this day of a mature, responsible young, goodlooking man, im really proud of him. ;)
This brother of mine is one who has always put our family 1st in place, one who has always love this family, no matter what happens, has proved that he is definitely will b a very good husband! :) prob just need a little more time to find the Ms Right, & of cos @ the right time too.
He is also one who will do sweet little things tat matters most, like the psotcard, sms texts tat he had sent to me.

Like you said, there is no other better family than the Chin family!
Thanks for all the understanding, support, love, strength that All of you had given me, i knw it deeply in my heart & i really appreciated it. Without you, i wouldnt have make it this far, realising, fulfilling my dream here in dublin.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!! ;)

2009-06-16T20:19:00.003+01:00

I remembered things were so much simpler, straightforward when i was a little kid, even people.
But as we grow, the world is growing up too i suppose, and thats when everything gets complicated.
Its not because we grew smarter, but its because nobody dares to express their real feelings.
we tend to have learned hw to suppress, how to hide behind masks, so that they cannot be hurt, not being vulnerable, trying to be perfect.
Hw many friends do u knw that are realy genuine? Hw do u knw tat they are genuine? Hw do u knw that they are not using u?

In the past, people believe in fate & destiny, i still do. But nowadays, with the advanced technology, we dont really need fate & destiny that much, for us to meet people.
Its opportunity that people create/ made by themselves to meet people.

In the past, love is so much simpler.
People get into relationship when they fall in love.
Get heartbroken when they fall out of love.
But now, people get into relationship when they can get something out of the relationship.
Benefits relationship.
Its no more of "i love you, i want to be with you"
Its more of "I want to be with you, because i can get this/that frm you"

This is sad, but true.

I Dun need any of these pretences.

When i said I miss you, I mean it.
When i said I love you, I mean it.
These are words that are simple & meaningful.
But its so commonly used by people that it doesnt hold much meanings to it anymore.

But when i do say it, i do mean it, cos it does takes a lot of me to say it & it means a lot to me. ;)

2009-06-05T19:54:00.002+01:00

When has Loving someone become so difficult?
When has falling in love become so difficult?
Someone said, As you grow older, its harder to fall in love.

Maybe its because as One gets older, the more One doesnt want to be hurt
Maybe its because One has had too many heartbreaks before, that One doesnt believe in love anymore
Maybe its because One still believes that the destined one, the perfect one is still out there
Maybe its because One doesnt want to settle down with the 2nd best
Whatever reason One has, One doesnt really have any control about any of these above
When it comes to the matters of the heart, no one can know what is going to be, what is coming

When i left my home, i was hoping, dreaming that the One that i thought was my destined one, to fly all the way here to get me back. Obviously he's not.
Watched the movie, Last Chance Harvey earlier, and had this kind of feeling, and what he said at the end of the movie, was really romantic & of cos dreamy
I personally think this phrase really works wonder, especially for a long distance relationship.. and my heart will definitely melt if someone said this to me too.. ;)

When Kate asked harvey how is the relationship going to work out when one is in london, while the other is in new york.. Harvey said..

"I have absolutely no idea, but i promise you that it will all work out."

I think for any relationship to work out, all it takes is faith & trust, and of cos both parties' effort to make it work. And this time, i really want to make it work by believing it will, whatever it is coming. ;)

2009-06-04T21:38:00.002+01:00

These 2weeks of leisure has been really relaxing for me, ;)
Although i was kinda stuck in dublin, as i cant travel due to the overspending in april on flights in budapest & london, i was really grateful that i had the summer in dublin!
Unbelievably, i finally got a little colour in my skin, in dublin! LOL
Seriously, i was actualy contemplating of getting into the sunbed, but luckily i didnt. ;)
Having the fantastic sunshine, clear blue sky, i was suntanning in my bikini, in the park for almost 6days.
Looks like i have brought the sun into dublin! Cos i was always travelling out of dublin during this time of the yr, and for the last 2 yrs, i hav heard friends groaning & moaning abt the Summer Rain in dublin and they were counting the days too. LOL
But wel, of cos this great weather wont last long, just like wat the weather forecast had said, the rain wil b back towards the end of the week.. so yeap.. i am expecting the rain..
Im happy nw for as long as i am back to brown, and shld start planning to go somewhere in july / aug/ sept.. ;)

I really miss gettin on the plane!! although pauline has changed her mind in coming over to europe for 2weeks in july.. so, nw, i can start to look into plces wher i can go on my own.

Other than travel plans, i have so many other plans in my mind too.. just kinda waiting for a sign, waiting for the right time to make the final decision.. ;)

2009-06-01T22:34:00.002+01:00

When has it become so difficult to say what i really feel, i dont know..
The world is changing all the time, people do too, as many would say..

I can still remember the real heartbreak i had.. was the breakup with kenneth..
5yrs relationship, was almost everything i had, everything i thought i had.
We thought we are the one meant for each other..
my 1st real relationship where sacrifices & changes were made, and was hoping that all will turn out the way that we want it to be, but it didnt.
Just like my element of AIR, i cannot be restrain.
Mayb we had started too young.
Mayb its actualy not reali meant to be.
Instead of growing together, we grew apart.
Sadly to say, the breaking up is not pleasant at all.
Just like the phrase goes, "You're Forgiven, but Not Forgotten"

The rest of the r/s that i had after that, were all short, and i was never really into the r/s..
till Chris.
Although it was only 6mths, but it was full & rich.

I know clearly hw i truly feel, but once again, denied everything.
Always giving myself the hard time & harshest way to forget things and to move on.
But honestly, i cant. Even after a yr, i still felt the same way.
No matter hw much or hw hard to convince myself, to keep my real feelings to myself, i guess it didnt work out the way i want it to be, or i thought it could be.

Gues, no matter hw much i have grown, my true self, the real me will still resurface no matter hw deep i had tried to bury it.

Yes, i had finally said what i realy feel. Now im really relieved.
No matter what it will turn out to be, i am proud to be true to my feelings, once again.

2009-05-28T18:45:00.002+01:00

Are you afraid of dying?

A lot of people do. I can understand and know why are they afraid of it. People don't like to talk about it, don't want to think about it. People yearns to have a long life. Seriously, its really not about how long yr life is, but it's how u have lived yr life. The quality of life, not the quantity.
Same goes to the number of friends one has. Its the number of friends whom one can count on, can trust, not the number of 'friends' you have in yr telephone list, or in yr FB account.

One dying patient, who has been really difficult lately, is going through the denial stage and obviously afraid of death. Screaming, shouting at and for the nurses in every 5-10minutes, is no joke at all. Through my nursing career, this is the 2nd patient who is doing that. I can still remember my 1st patient on my 1st attachment as nursing student. Had this patient who was really rude, impatient, and was giving out to whoever was taking care of him. He was alone, no family, bled to death on my 3rd day of duty. I remembered that i was cursing him after my 2nd day with him as he was really giving me a very hard time then. When he passed away on the 3rd day, i felt so guilty for cursing him, wishing that i could take every word back, i was still a student, hot-headed gal, whom don't really know what was he going through then. I remembered him all these years, because he taught me a life lesson abt holding my temper, keeping my head cool.

This time round, this dying patient is almost the same like my 1st patient.. but is worse.. And i can say that i am proud of myself because i dealt with him more calmly, and i actually empathise with him, and i can understand what is he going through, and not 'cursing' him, and i didnt, well, couldnt raise my voice at him, not even once. But his main nurse was almost bursting in tears, that is why i helped to attend to him, even though i had my hands full with my confused patient. It was one of the worst day at work honestly. Not feeling good at all too, with a throbbing & tension headache for the whole day at work. But at the end of the day, i was glad to say that at least my colleague was appreciative for the help.

Of cos, there are people who are dying, are totally opposite. I had met some dying patients, who were really sweet too. Some liked it quiet, peaceful. Some were still making plans for their families.

What about you?
What will you do?
Have you even thought about it?
Would it change Your Life?

It has, for me.

2009-05-11T21:16:00.002+01:00

So, nw this is my new pad, just 2 streets away frm the apartment actualy, and tat is also why i can move my things over by myself. During the move, my 'new best friend' is my bicycle! LOL when i was planning to move, i was actualy planning to use the shopping cart frm the supermarket to help carry my things.. but on the actual moving, i realised tat i can use my bicycle anyway! ;)

Small, but big enough for me. i had viewed a lot of plces before i came to this one, and i liked it at the 1st time.
Just like when i 1st saw coco (my dog), i loved him at the very 1st sight, and i have to get him, spending 4hours in the pet shop convincing my mum to let me get him ;) although i do wished tat he could be with me here in dublin, but its not goin to b an easy trip for him to b on the plane for more than 12hours.. and as i knw tat i wont b stayin in dublin for long, leaving him in spore wif my family is actualy the best n wise choice for the both of us.

So now, having this plce to myself, i can also actualy offer my couch to couchsurfers too. ;) after i reali get it all done up 1st, tat is

2009-05-11T20:38:00.004+01:00

There's always mixed feelings when u r moving hse.. Although i had been tinking of moving out since last yr, but there's always something tats holdin me back, or im always busy with something else and moving out is always at the bottom on my list.

But finally, i had found a plce tat i can stay on my own, and moving out this time is not an easy as i moved in. ;)

still, i managed to move my stuffs with minimal help frm anyone, i moved almost all my stuffs on my own! it is till this day tat i admit tat i do hav some characteristics frm my mum!! we tend to do things on our own, dun usually ask for help, unless we really need it. if we can do it by ourselves, we'll do it. so, yea, im pretty proud of myself tat i did it on my own, wel, abt 90% of the moving. ;)

Of cos, before officially giveing back the keys to the agent, i spent a few moments in the empty apartment where i had stayed for almost 2yrs in dublin. lots of memories in it.. wif chris, aunty mary, chermaine, lily, ting, whom had 'stayed' wif me when they were here in dub :)

These are the teddy bears which i left behind.. although they were all presents for me, and i usualy dun throw away presents frm pple. but this time, i would hav to, cos i wouldnt b bringin them back to spore when i eventually leave dub anyway, so might as wel, dump them nw then to bring them over to the new plce.

My fav plce of the apt is not my room, but the balcony. ;) It is where i can get a beautiful view of the mountains, where i would sit at when the sun is shining bright on it.. where i sometimes stood on it and admire the dark starry & quiet night. the day when i left, the sun was shining, and i spent my last moments in the apt sitting at the balcony. ;)

2009-04-13T20:01:00.002+01:00

I found myself justifying my decision that i have made today, which i find it rather weird as i seldom do tat.
Maybe because i felt a little guilty for rejecting the offer
But i still did. ;) and im glad i had.
Was supposed to work today, but one of the staff who is suppose to be on leave, turned up for work stil, so we r overstaffed. Not wanting to be deployed out to other plce, 1 of us can take the leave instead. None of them wants to take the leave, mainly because its public holiday today, so its double pay, and of cos work will not b that busy, who doesnt want this kind of deal? Wel, obviously not me. Since no one wants to take the leave, i took it, mainly because i AM really tired. So, cycled back home.

Just got home for abt 10mins, got a call frm the ward, and asked me if i want to go back to hosp to work in the ICU, as they are short of staffs, will b working as bank shift, which also means more pay, but, i just cycled to n fro to hosp! She mentioned that one of them might b pulled out to the ICU if they couldnt get any1. Wel, seriously, if im in charge, in the 1st plce, i would ask the staff who suppose to b on leave to go home, instead of asking someone else to go when she doesnt want to. its her fault for not checkin the roster. So, overstaffed, the one who wil get deployed wil b the staff who is suppose to b on leave. cos she is not suppose to b in the ward anyway. So, if icu need staff, she can go there. But i also know that none of them wants to go to ICU. Usually i would jump to the opportunity to be deploy to ICU, but not this time. They know tat too. Honestly, i dont want to be taken advantage anymore by these pple.

There are so many times when i had helped them so much and in the end, when i needed one, they just feigned ignorance. Too many times! So, now, i think i am too frustrated working with these kind of pple that i really dont want to be bothered. I know too, that there are always these kind of pple anywhere. So when i was justifying my decision for not going back to hosp to work, i was like "why do i want to care if any of them will be pulled out to ICU?" Should i even b bothered? No, i seriously dont want to.

So, with the grey weather in dublin, the best way to spend the day with the exhausted body and mind, is to stay in. And so, i did. I slept from 10am - 6pm!! This shows hw tired i am, hw much rest i need!!

Now, im happy!! Its right not to work, even when it means more money.
Money cant buy health!! ;) anyway, if i do work today, the pay wil b taxed n i will only b gettin a small fraction of it, so y bother?

2009-04-10T22:48:00.002+01:00

I have this sudden urge of going back home.. i feel exhausted, totally burnt out.
This feeling of wanting to stop has been bugging me on and off
Feeling of tiredness of travelling the world suddenly came to me
This is bothering me now
Guess my body is telling me to stop n rest as the episodes of palpitation is getting more frequent
Maybe its because i'll be going to london soon, for the Singapore Day in London, that is causing me to miss home more
I know i do missed being home with friends & family, especially when looking through pics of gatherings being organised at home and im not there
I know i do want to spend more time with my dog, Coco. Especially after watching Marley & Me, and 10 Promises to my dog.. made me miss him a lot more. & Knowing that he might not have a lot of time with us, made me feeling so guilty for being away from home for 2yrs, and this is going to be my 3rd yr in dublin.
I hope to be around to see my nephew, Jaden, my godson, Kayden & Goddaughter, Xylvia grow up. Im glad that my sis has got a webcam nw(finaly) and i can see him and my sis online.
Maybe i should slow down, but i kept feeling that i dont have much time
I know that i have always wished that i dont have a long lifespan, cos i dont want to be left behind, being the last one to go.. but i dont reali want to be the 1st one to go too
Like i told Annie before, at my funeral, i dont want my family & friends to be wearing black.
White is my favourite. I love colours. I want white lilies for my funeral. and my funeral will be done up like a photo gallery, where it will display my fav pics tat i have taken, with family, friends, travel.
There are times when i asked myself, what's my real purpose in life. I dont reali knw yet.
I am grateful for everything that has happened to me, for me & with me
For all whom i have met, known and loved, im thankful for all the memories, lessons that you have given me.
I would say that i have no regrets so far for all the decisions that i have made in my life.

So now, "What would you change if you can turn back time?"

Nothing.

2009-04-10T22:45:00.000+01:00

2009-04-09T23:16:00.001+01:00

2009-04-08T23:04:00.002+01:00

After 2 weeks of annual leave, travelling to Amsterdam & Budapest, now im back to working schedule. Guess getting back to the reality is always not an easy task.

Through these trips, i'd learned something more abt myself, got to know pple more. And i totally agree to this phrase saying that, 'There are some friends whom you cant travel with' and
'Travelling can either break the friendship or bond it more'

For my travel, i love to do things on my own, at my pace, with no tourguide. I like to roam ard the city with a map, finding my way ard, which i dont always have any prob as i wil always read abt the city b4 i go on the trip. Sometimes, i will go to the city without doing any homework, and just see what i can get/see along the way.

Weather is also very impt during travel too! Amsterdam is the 2nd city that was raining for the days that i was there, Prague was the 1st. I love Sun, dun mind the snow, but not rain!! !!
I loved the rain when back in singapore, but not in Europe! That is something that i love n hate!!
So, wil prob go back to Amsterdam again, if i can, to really see the city & the real Holland. ;)
and i can skip the red light district part, as i have seen enough, cos thats prob the area that im quite familiar with, after stayin near ther for the 3nights when we're there.

Cant realli write too much nw, cos im tryin to concentrate, but mind is running all over the plce.

2009-03-22T09:14:00.007Z

I don't remember when was the last time i wrote about the ugly side of people, or when was the last time i was upset about it. Honestly, i had known well enough n good enough not to be upset, but this time, it is different, because i had never thought he would even twist the fact to people whom i also know. I am now even making sure that i am not writing in abbreviations, because this fellow cant even spell properly.. and he might even read this, and i do hope he does too!

To cut the story short - i will just put dwn the facts then. And in fact, i am going to be brutally honest about what i feel then.

- I initiate the break-up

- i prefer my man to be clean shaven & clean looking

- he is too immature

- he thinks he is the best dancer in belfast (in 2007)

- he thinks he knows everything in this world

- the relationship was only about 2months

- broke up with him about 1-2 weeks after valentines day 2007

- i was already bored, frustrated, can't stand him before valentines

- i LIED to him about the reason for the breakup

- its NOT because i was stil in love with Willy

- No one who is smart, will say bad or negative things about his teammates, unless you want to

be out of the team.

There are lots of other things that happened after the breakup, but i don't have to go into that.

I might have said these to Channey & Rebecca, but not to anyone else in the dublin salsa scene. But of cos now, i am blogging it, which also means openly, to whoever is reading this.

When i remain silent, it doesn't mean that you can bully me, in any way that you think you can.
Do not even ever try again, to say things that are not true.
Do not say anything when you don't even know anything about it.

And honestly, calling yourself as sexym@#%#, i think it is the funniest joke ever!
A lot of people think the same way as I do, fyi.

P.S - fyi = for your information
just in case you don't know what it is. ;)

2009-03-13T11:12:00.007Z

Tampere - my 2nd experience of couchsurfing, With Heikki (the guy with specs) & Jonna

Brought me to the frozen lake, and you can actually see how thick is the snow then.
I think this is very cool n amazing, when we're actually walkin on the lake! i can imagine looking upon the same lake, in the summer. tat is awesome!

Lots of pple went to the lake, skating, skiing, with their dogs, kids with their sleighs, sleds.. ther's also a mobile cafe at the middle of the lake where we got our hotdogs & my hot chocolate. This whole lake is so big that it actualy felt lke i was @ the snow desert. ;)

This is Jonna, Heikki's galfren. Had a great time with her, although it was heikki whom i wrote to in couchsurfing. ;) A very patient, fun, chatty gal!

Walking through the 'snow desert' to the Sauna plce, which is kinda at the other end of the lake. i think we were walking through the lake for prob 30mins. It is really no joke to walk on the snow!! Wel, its really a form of good exercise, Jonna said its gd for the calves. ;)

The biggest adventure / challenge of my life so far!!! Jumping into the frozen lake!!!
And i am totally proud of myself cos i did it 3 times!! !! !!
I was hesitant initially honestly, when jonna & heikki asked me if i can dip into the pool when we were in the sauna. I thought to myself, " wel, this is prob / mayb goin to b my 1st & last time to hav that experience, so just do it!" Out in the snow frm the sauna only with my bikini, it didnt feel tat cold, and i was holding onto Jonna's arm while walkin to the pool. After my 1st dip in the pool, i was sure that i wouldnt want to do it again. But when we were in the sauna the 2nd time, and it was time to get out of the heat, Jonna asked again - "Do u want to go to the pool or do u want to try to rol on the snow. I prefer to roll on the snow." Rolling on the snow with my bikini, u must b kidding! So i opt to go into the pool again! and nw, it was fun! so in the end, i dipped into the frozen lake 3 times, instead of once. LOL
So Pat on my back!! Heikki & Jonna were proud of me too! :)

2009-03-12T08:54:00.002Z

Just a couple of pics of helsinki, for nw, as these are frm my digital camera. Hav not upload my pics frm my baby yet!

Spent a day in helsinki on my own, walked around the city with the map, and its really easy to walk ard on yr own. just like wat the lonely planet book said. ;)

Went to have a buffet dinner at a local restaurant which is recommended by the book, tried the reindeer meat! ;) Taste like a little like pork n beef.. wel, its not too bad honestly.

Then, also went for a sauna which is also highly recommended by the book, so went to check out the plce. It is great, but didnt take any pics of it, as all of us who were at the sauna, were naked, ;)

A really gd experience overall in helsinki, having the time n space of my own to do wat i want.

2009-03-10T22:57:00.002Z

Finally hav the chance to update my blog! Was working on a week of nights right after i got back from finland! :)

Here, is Mr Santa & me ;)

This is my couchsurf host in Rovaniemi, Pia ;)

Singapore sign post at Santa Claus Village ;)

Giant snowman @ Santa claus village

This is actually a shop gift house. took this pic boc of the 'sun' :)

2009-03-01T08:47:00.002Z

Very soon, my 5days in finland is coming to an end, but i am already feeling that i can live in the freezing cold.

ROVANIEMI

My first 2 nights were spent in Rovaniemi, with my couchsurfing host, Pia. A lovely, friendly, warm lady who made vegetable soup for me on the day i arrived on the train from tampere. Although her plce is a little messy, but its the artsy, bohemian style of mess, that i think its reali cool & i believe that i will b kinda like tat too, if i was to continue on being an Arts student, i can see a little bit of me in her. ;)

Rovaniemi is indeed a small town with its own flavour & the main reason why tourists are there, is bcos of the Santa Claus Village, right at the artic circle. Of cos, im there bcos of that too! I was little surprised to see a lot of japanese tourists were there, and the finnish themselves. The funny part was when i was in the queue to 'see' Santa, there were 4 old ladies, prob in their 70s, were in the queue too!! i guess the pic wil turn out reali good as they wil look like they are one family, brother & sisters.

After being in the Santa Claus Village during the day, met up with my host, Pia, and went to a dance aerobic class with her. Learned a routine for Samba & Paso Doble. Although it is only for an hour, and it cost me only 5euros, i felt great! ;) AFter the class, we went into the sauna, just in the ladies room.

Hw i loved Sauna!! it was perfect!! And had my 1st experience of being totally nude in the sauna with others gals... it was a little uneasy at 1st, but its so common here for the finnish. after i settled on my spot in the sauna, i couldnt care less anymore. It is the real sauna!!!!! ;)

Wil post the pictures later, when i get back in dublin. Wil be working on night shifts for the whole week again when i go back on mon.. and wil b on 2weeks leave soon, and im looking forward to the 2weeks as i will b meeting Lily at Amsterdam!! My travelling companion!! :) So wil definitely sort out the pics of Finland ASAP!!

Til then, wil write abt helsinki after this. ;)

2009-02-23T20:41:00.002Z

Someone had reminded me of myself (in the past) recently and has made me appreciate, love & treasure my BEST FRIENDS!! (u knw who u r)

Her hyperactive, overly-intense character had become too much for me to bear, that i had to really withdraw frm her for awhile, even for just a couple of hours.
I love her for who she is, she is definitely a really very sweet, great gal. I have always enjoy her company & seriously, one of my good friends here in dublin. Someone whom i know i can depend on as well.
But, being with her continously for 3-4days, tat was really getting too much for me.. .. Too hyper!!

It reminds me of hw i have 'tortured' my best friends, especially those who have knwn me for the last 15years.. Nw, i understood when they kept sayin that i was too hyper, and i didnt really thought they really meant it.. and prob that's y i hav so many different grp of friends, cos i am simply all over the plce..

Nw, being here in dublin, has made me more grounded, laid back, and wel, i have learned hw to channel my hyper energy to something else, and not onto someone else!

To my best friends - Thanks for all the support, care, love & patience that u have showered on me for all these years. Just a little note here in my personal blog to say my heartfelt gratitude to you, my dearest friends who have come a long way with me, who have helped me to b a better me. ;)

2009-02-11T22:23:00.001Z

And finally, the video of our performance in london SOS anniversary

Almost done wif all the uploads & update nw!! gotta get all done b4 i go on my finland trip!

2009-02-11T22:09:00.002Z

Nw, its the pics of Poland, we were at this touristic little ski resort / town called Zakopane. ;) 1st time meetin up wif Ting's friends, 1st time @ a ski resort,
1st time gettin my snowboarding class, 1st time takin pics of a wild fox.. .. and 1st time for finishing reading a book, Revolutionary road. ;) hav never read a book tat fast, its reali a great book.

i've always wanted to b in a plce wif real snow, and yes, finally i had experienced it n i loved it. ;)

2009-02-11T21:14:00.002Z

only took few pics when in london wif my salsa grp. the main purpose for this trip is for salsa, and i did have loads of great dances wif the guys in london. it was unforgettable! esp the spicy, intimate & sexy bachata dance wif one of the guys who r in one of the performing grp for the night. hahahhahahaha.

2009-02-10T23:35:00.002Z

Sis was askin me when i called her last wkend to wish her a hapy birthday, "So where are u nw? stil in london?" " No, im back in dublin already", so i said. "Y didnt u update yr blog? I Dun knw where u r at nw, only knew tat u r traveling n traveling."

Sorry!! ;) Just realised tat i hav kinda stop updating blog wif all the trash, nonsense stuffs that's goin on my wandering mind & heart.

The beginning of the new 2009, has indeed made one of my dreams come true. Snow experience. This time, it was gettin a little too much though.. lol
1st wkend was at poland, then following wkend @ london, then in dublin!

It was great to have the snow in poland, zakopane, as i need the snow in order to get my 1st snowboarding class.
2nd time was in london, wif my salsa team. We were ther to hav our 'debut' performance in london. Snowed on Sunday, then our flight on monday early morning 0625hrs, was cancelled due to the heavy snow. We were already sitting in the plane, tinking we could b lucky to b able to b back in dublin by mon, as few of us were suppose to go to work after tat. Announcement were made after 30mins sitting in the plane saying that the flight is cancelled and we hav to go bk to the arrival hall. When we had finally rebooked our ticket back to dublin, it was already in the noon. By the time when we got back into the hotel, i fell asleep once my head touched the pillow. i was totally wrecked, cos we didnt have any decent sleep for the whole wkend while in london, as we were dancing n stayin up late, wakin up early. But stil, it is beautiful in london with the snow.
Then back in dublin, there were Not much snOw left when we got back on tues evening. it was a pity not being able to see the snow in dublin, as it has not been snowing for AGES! But, it was snow storming on Sun early morning! woke up at 8am on sunday and saw the snow blizzard, called mum n got her online, and was showing her the snowing scene via the webcam LOL
i was having my PJs on, and was takin my mini laptop to my balcony to show her the view, it was FREEZING!! !!

So for 3 consecutive weeks, i have seen & experienced Snow. I have come to the conclusion, tat i do prefer Snow than Rain. but of cos, Sun is stil my best friend. ;)

Nw, 2more weeks to go, and i'll b goin to finland. Another Snowy plce. there wil stil b snow ther (i tink)
Have to start readin up the plces tat i want to go, see and plan my initerary ;)

So long nw then (Sis), wil try to upload some pics soon here

2009-01-21T02:16:00.000Z

Leaving the buzz in singapore, i was kinda glad that i was back in dublin, but nw thinking back, i brought the buzz back with me though!
Have been busy, and didnt reali hav much rest that i wanted to have, but prob bcos knowing that my time in europe is ticking away, makes me want to do everything at the same time.. back to my own self.. tryin to squeeze everything in a day..

but the 1st thing that i wanna do when i was back in dublin, is to watch all the movies! had to compensate the lost 1mth of no movies when in spore!! wel, only watched 1 movie, the bolt, with my cousin when in spore.. ;)

then it was work, meetin up wif frens, dancing, the usual stuffs.. n of cos, planning n booking tickets for holiday(s).. nw, almost my whole yr of 2009 is kinda planned out, hoping everything wil go smoothly for me (fingers crossed) ;)

wil b heading out to krakow, poland on thurs morning, and this is my 1st trip for this yr!
honestly, im feeling excited, but nervous at the same time.. cos this is not the usual type of travel trip tat i always hav.. this time round, wil b just stayin at a ski resort at zakopane, i wil b havin my ever 1st snowboarding class!! excited bcos of tat, cos snowboarding is one of the things that i wanted to try since 2006! nervous, bcos i dun reali knw wat to expect / do when at the resort.. reali feel like goin into krakow town for a day, to at least see the city.. but reali looking forward to b in the snow!

and this is goin to b my 1st White Chinese New Year!! although all i hav been dreaming, is to have a white xmas....... LOL

No breaking of any part of me, cos wil b goin to london for salsa on the wkend after poland!! !!
No Funny stunts n no herioc acts please, Angie!!!!

2009-01-08T10:07:00.002Z

This is for one of my very good fren frm secondary sch, Jen (Yongxian)

Realy sorry for being away, not keeping close contact as i shld have..
Bad things happened a yr ago for u, but i only got to knw it just nw.. it just makes me feel really bad n guilty abt not being ther for u, when u needed someone most

the trip home for 2008.. i didnt hav the chance to meet up wif my sec sch frens who were once close to me.. i feel so bad nw...

Im goin to write up a list of frens to meet up when im goin back to spore this OCt
mayb i shld look into hw long annual leave can i get for goin bk to spore for holiday..

2009-01-07T20:43:00.002Z

Unbelievably, its 2009 already, and i did not update my blog for the past few mths!
Its not tat i hav totally given up on my blog, its just tat i had kept myself really busy since the break up, and having really tough times to really get over it, too many things on my mind, too many things goin on ard me, and of cos, the trip back home in singapore, geez, it was really overwhelming!! !!

Honestly, i was kinda lost, for quite sometime, and having to sacrifice my digital camera, tat was like a kick in the butt to tell me that i have to get on, get over & wake up. Things went on pretty well, thats wat i thought, but when Lee passed away in the car accident, tats when i realised tat i stil do love n miss him, but wel, sometimes ther r things in life that we cant say to the person whom we reali love / care, bcos for them not knowing the truth, it could b the best for them.

The solo trip in vietnam for a week, has totally freshen me, makes me realised hw many close friends i have met n made in my life, hw my family has shown their love, care n support for me in the most subtle way, made me realised hw lucky n loved i am.

All the time that i had spent in singapore in 2008, will be enough for me to get goin in the cold dublin. In fact, it is starting to get a little easy to b in the cold nw, bcos over here in dublin, i too have some close frens to keep me goin here.

I knw, in my heart, i will b totally missin this plce when i leave Dublin someday.

2008-11-17T01:18:00.002Z

There's always things in life that is unexplainable, especially death
The sudden death of Lee, has indeed caught everyone of us in shock
and it has also made me ponder abt alot of things too

It was reali hard for all of us to take in the news..
and i had such an urge to call C, just wanna hear his voice, and to tell me that everything is ok
really wished that he is around, to give me a hug, just to hold me, be there for me

Walked down grafton street tonite and the xmas lightings were already out..
and it reminds me of C again
Last yr, we were happily in love, walking dwn the beautiful lighted up grafton st, and took couple of pics of it..

looking upon the stars in the sky.. it reminded me of hw we were always walkin back to my plce frm the city, and the star that he had 'given' me..

is this some kind of joke that GOD is playing on me?
to start losing the person whom i love
to take away people who is bigger than life, like Lee, Aunty May

this time when im going back to spore, it wil b different frm the last time
cos C wont b sending me to the airport, and neither would he be fetching me at the airport when im coming back
i honestly, dun knw why would i stil want to come back, but i have to
wanted to just give him a call and to tel him that i stil love him, but i wouldnt
he wil b leaving to japan soon, and telling him that wont change anything abt it
and cos i knw he doesnt, wouldnt feel the same way for me anymore

i need to get away.. .. for a long time
5weeks.. i seriously dun even think its ever enough..
im kinda more looking forward to 2010 though, than 2009
or mayb i shldnt be left alone, cos that is when my mind starts to rewind n running wild
just like nw.. talkin crap again, goin to b 2am
my last weekend in dublin for 2008

i hav some scary feelings, but wont put it dwn here, cos i hav to reassure myself that everything is going to be ok, and im going to b fine, and i wil b back in dublin for the new yr.
and yes, i will hav to tel myself that.

2008-11-11T01:56:00.002Z

http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1084560/British-salsa-dance-champion-killed-horror-crash-Spain-celebrating-24th-birthday.html

Stil cant believe tat it is true.. that such a great young talented lad is gone..
For one who has such great personality, big heart, free spirit young man.. who just turned 24..
to tink tat he will be taken away just like tat..

For every heart he has touched, in every single way, he will be missed by all

i think, after hearing this sad news, it gets all of us to tink.
Why? What? When? How? Where?

All the questions that involved Lee's accident
All the questions about Life, Living, Purpose in One's life

What is yr purpose in your Life?

2008-11-05T22:27:00.002Z

The yr is coming to an end soon, and right nw, im counting dwn to the days that i'll be goin back to spore for my 5weeks of holidays!

looking forward to the trip back home, cos ther's a lot of things tats awaiting for me!
like my sister's delivery of her baby son aka my 1st nephew
then is 1 of my best friend's wedding, Christyne & Jason
then my 1week of vietnam trip
and of cos not forgetting meetin up wif my close friends,
and my 1st week back in spore, is already filling up, i know its kinda fast to hav be fully booked but wel, gues, im just a real busy gal! lol

ther r pics to upload, and tat's goin to take sometime for me to reali want to do tat.. wil try to do it b4 i go home.. i tink i reali hav to.. :(

2008-10-08T18:02:00.004+01:00

My 2nd solo trip of the yr - Cote d' Azur, where i had covered Nice, Cannes & Monaco.

Nw, truly believed that everything happens for a reason, and this unplanned planned trip to Nice has really been a very refreshing & re-energise trip.

Those who knew me well, would have no difficulty to understand why i love this place, and hw this trip has made me feel so much better now.

2008-09-25T10:11:00.002+01:00

Just received the bad news frm my godmum regarding the death of Aunty May..
The last time i saw her was prob 2-3yrs ago, and she was still healthy & happy.. got to knw tat she has cancer abt 1-2yr ago, and has always been praying for her although i am so far away frm home. Hav been following up abt her progress frm my godmum ever since her diagnosis of cancer, and recently it just got worse, when her body is failing her.

This is what i dreaded most, even though i am workin as a nurse, and have seen all these many times.. but.. when it is happening to my close ones, to those whom i reali knw in person, in life, i stil cant handle it myself, and i knw im not strong to handle tat too...

The thing that i dreaded most, is to see (know) the deterioration of one's health.. witnessing the slow death of one.. somehw, im glad that i am not in spore to go through this, but i hav a stronger feeling of wishing tat i am back in spore to go through this wif them...

Glad in a way, that she is not suffering anymore, and that she's back in GOD's arms, and all of us know tat she is happy nw. At least, they were all there when she's going..

This strong negative emotions is gettin on fast n strong on me tat, now im feelin sick.. and the freezing weather is not helpin me either..

losing someone in life is never an easy task.. cos i had lost that someone, and i knw hw much it reali hurts.. and hw deep is the wound... no matter hw hard i try to put it back together, i realised its stil there..

i may seemed to hav gettin on pretty well, but hav i??

Im Still At the Same Place, Waiting, Wishing, Hoping.. ..

Is this Hw its goin to be.. ?
Is this hw its going to end??
Is this hw its supposed to be???

2008-09-19T20:16:00.002+01:00

Its amazing hw the yr has gone flashing by, and nw its going to be the end of Sept, and just one more month to go for my bday. Didnt imagine tat i would be on my own for this yr bday though.. it was hard to take, but i knw i hav to b strong. But seriously, tinking back, i stil tink im fortunate & lucky enough to have gone through all these, all the good, happy & sad, heartbreaking events. Im stil a human being with feelings!!!!!!

Every yr for my bday, i always make a point to buy something for myself, (wel, i buy things for myself everytime, anytime i can actualy) hmm, not the usual shopping stuffs tat i would get for myself of cos! Birthday present for myself is definitely more expensive than the usual shopping! ;)

Due to lots of changes in my life for the past few mths.. i didnt reali hav the time / energy to reali tink abt this yr bday.. So at the last minute deal i can get for my bday - is to go to Frankfurt for 3days, and of cos, flying off on my bday itself, right after my night shift as well.. couldnt go away for the whole week, cos im expecting a gd friend frm spore to come and visit me during the week too, so hav to b in dublin for the rest of the week..

Ther'r so many things tat i wanna get for myself at the same time too.. but gues, would hav to wait for me to b back in spore to get them myself.. Not expecting any of my friends or family to get them for me, cos they are actualy reali quite expensive.

My list of things to get
- Mini Laptop (Asus EEE-PC 701) i simply fall in love with the pink version!!
- Portable hard drive
- 4 port USB
- New mobile, preferably a smartphone like Nokia E71
- Sony T300
- Accessories for my baby, Canon 400D, like external flash, battery grip etc.. .. ..

Have to realli decide which one is most impt, the most tat i need. . . .

Right now, how i wished i am still working in Spore, cos i can get some of the stuffs with the bonus tat i would get at the end of the yr, and prob would hav got some of it too by nw, with the bonus tat we would get for June... sigh.....

But of cos, i stil count my blessings to be here instead, cos having the opportunity to travel ard here.. .. wel, gues thats the main reason why i am goin to b stil here.. in a way or another..

I Love OCTOBER, simply because im born in the month of OCT!! !! !! ;)

2008-09-07T17:44:00.001+01:00

2008-09-07T15:01:00.000+01:00

2008-09-07T13:44:00.001+01:00

2008-09-07T13:13:00.001+01:00

2008-09-07T12:20:00.001+01:00

2008-07-25T15:53:00.000+01:00

2008-06-18T00:32:00.003+01:00

Was watching Sex & the city on tv earlier today.. and had me thinking..

Is Relationship just a Game or is it an open, honest communication relationship??

In most relationships, it always begins to b in a game.
Where the chasing, fallin in love starts.. for those who remains in the game for too long,wil find it tiring, gets bored & sick, and calls for time out. Some loves to remain in the game, bcos of the control one can get on another.
There are always rules & regulations in the game. Those who know the rules, can be in the game and rule the game. Those who dont, always get themselves hurt, broken, and though they would say they wouldnt want to play anymore, most will still find themselves fallin into another game.

To me, in any kind of relationship, it has to be open & honest relationship.
Be it with yr friends, family, love, or even co-workers.. or even for my patients..
i always try to have it as open & honest as i can.
wel, maybe not to my family.. somehow or rather, i always find myself hard to express my feelings to my family, i tend to hide them more than to my friends. Being the eldest in my family, i always hav to be stronger & more independent, and thus making me so used to be having to put up a strong front even though when i might be hurting, bleeding deep inside, but i can never show this side of me to my family, especially my parents. Even when im sick.. i stil find myself doing tat.. hiding it, pushing myself,

The key factor in a relationship esp love, is honesty & openness.
Frankly, not many pple can be like this.
To many, u cant be too honest or open esp in love r/s
cos yr partner might not b able to handle tat..
wel, mayb, yr partner might not to b able to take it nw, but he will, as many pple just need time

For any r/s to work out, honesty & openness in communication is impt.
and of cos Time wil tell the truth.
So even if one is trying to hide something, somehw, the truth wil find its way out.

Time will not only tell the truth, it will also heal the wound.
All one need is TIME.

Time to be alone.
Time to breathe.
Time to think.
Time to find oneself again.

2008-06-14T19:43:00.003+01:00

It was a hit series back then when it 1st showing on tv, and nw, finally the movie, feeling like it is putting an official ending for Carrie & Mr Big, and the rest of the characters as well. I personally like the movie very much, as it reminds me so much of myself in a way or two, and people close to me too.

The closeness of their friendship reminds me so much of me & my close friends, makes me miss all of my friends back in spore. It reminds me that, no matter hw far apart we are, we know that we will be there always for one another. And i also know that i will always have their support in whatever decisions tat i have made. Just like when i decided to move to the other part of the world, although they couldnt bear for me to go, worry abt me going on my own, still, they gave me all the support that i need to make it here.

Then, it is the gesture of love that Mr Big have for Carrie.. makes me miss CHRIS so much..
The kiss on my nose, on my forehead.. all these small gestures means a lot to me,

All the simple, little gestures of love, i miss them so much.
I know I really love you.

Check out my Slide Show!

2008-06-08T17:30:00.000+01:00

2008-06-07T01:17:00.002+01:00

A gd fren-colleague pointed out something to me today at work, and get me thinking..

"Working with me is very stressful."

Was 'precepting' a SN and was havin a student for the last few times at work.. reminds me so much of work back in spore. I enjoy teaching / coaching / sharing my knowledge, and i dont mind doing that, as long as the receiver is receptive, interested & motivated. Attitude & behavior of the person is very important, that i am, sometimes, do very particular abt the little small things abt a person, that i think, this is the problem or difficulty tat im having.

Reflecting on my work, seriously, i think i am kinda perfectionist, although i am a Libran..
i realised, that i am kinda control freak too. All these can be good, and bad too, depends on who i am working with though. Just like for the last couple days, i was with one who is very untidy & disorganised, but as she is still a student, it is understandable & can be teach. But if it is like today, where my 'partner' is already a SN, it gets difficult & frustrating for me.. esp when consdiering that she is older than me.. I cant be always be at her back and cleaning up her mess!!

The student told me that another gd fren-colleague passed a comment abt the way i work too, that i am very on time, that i always finish my work on time. well, the fact is that i always finish my work before time. i always make it a point to finish my work at least an hour before the nex shift comes on duty.

Realising hw perfectionist & controlling i am.. i started to ask myself..
what abt my close friends, my family, my ex-bfs, my bf..

Do they feel pressurised being with me??
Am i too controlling, overbearing??
Am i moving too fast for them to catch up?

I wonder.

2008-06-04T23:50:00.002+01:00

有人说过- 爱的越深，伤得也会深。

也不知道为什么，明明已经把自己的心好好的封锁，建立了一道围墙，可是还是被一一的解开了。可是结果还是跟以前一样，又再一次的被爱情给打败了。

当我连对自己也开始怀疑自己的能力再踞续逞下去，爱娜说了一句话，贴心而真实，

“我的心是很大，可以承受这个世界，只是承受不了爱情的伤害”

而我的弟弟也说，“我以为你已经习惯了，分手和伤心的过程”

说真的，连我也自我安慰的对自己说这两句话，心也比较好了，已经满满的恢复了以前单身的生活。

毕竟，建立围墙和封锁自己的心，是我拿手的强项。

2008-05-25T15:31:00.001+01:00

rihanna's new song, which is Alli's new fav song, and me too. simply love her haircut, but too bad i cant pull tat off. ;)

2008-05-25T15:13:00.002+01:00

new fav singer - leona lewis. Beautiful Song, beautiful lyrics

2008-05-25T03:51:00.003+01:00

These pics were taken a couple mths ago, was waiting to get the photoshop prgm and was too busy to try out the prgm. This was my 1st time @ the Race circuit, & of cos it was Chris who brought me there. Nw i understand why my dad is always watching the race circuit on every sunday, and well, i know he will b wishing that he was here watchin LIVE. I like the Racing part, but really love the drifting though. It was so intense watching 2 cars, being so close and yet, not crashing into each other, jeez.. that really takes a lot of skills! I wanted so much to be in that car to experience the drifting though. ;) i have always love speed, excitement, adrenaline rushing, and this is definitely one of them. This is also one of my reason why im not taking any driving lessons, tests, exams.. i can foresee myself being a hazard on the road.. but.. it is still very tempting to get the car license too. Ah, will see hw i feel.

Had actualy more photos taken @ the circuit, but they are either too small, images are little too blur to sharpen, bcos i was using my digital camera, or they are not that 'perfect' cos i didnt take the whole pic of the car.. wel, i didnt realised tat i did that though.. nw i know, what is considered as a gd pic of a car.. must take the whole car, lesson learnt frm Chris.. ;)

2008-05-24T12:31:00.001+01:00

2008-05-24T12:27:00.001+01:00

2008-05-23T23:58:00.002+01:00

Just when i thought i can really have the happiness that i deserve, i lost it all again.. this is the worst day i have ever been, the worst thing that i have ever done, and it really hurts. To tink that i am the one who destroys everything because i worry, think too much.
Used to ask all the close friends who found their right one, hw do they know that this is the one.. and their answer was, u will know when u meet the right one. Really dont know wat to write nw, cos it has become so empty.. the very 1st time i have ever felt emptiness.. wel, to forget tat i was almost got ran over while crossing the road cos i wasnt really there.. and concluded tat stayin in is the best way to avoid all these hazards.. and to cry my eyes out.. this time it is really very hard to control, i tried, tried really hard but it didnt work.. walking down the busy streets, with a lot of things goin on around me, i just dun even care anymore.. im juz crap.. im tired of being the strong one, who seems to be having everything in my control, tired of teling everybody that i am fine, when im not, tired of not telling the people hw hard it has been for me because didnt want them to worry abt me.. tired of myself that i kept pushing myself so hard all the time.. i dun like all the ugly things tat i have seen in life, on the streets, at work, on the world, where is my rainbow, my sunshine, i want to feel them once again.. need to find my inner peace, prob i shld rest, rest my body, my mind & my soul.... all these pain physically and emotionally.. juz shouldnt & couldnt ignore them anymore.. still wanna wake up in the morning, and grateful to be alive. although its has always been my wish tat if even when i die, i wanna go in my sleep.. but tink i have changed my mind abt tat. enough of blabbling nonsense..

2008-05-10T15:45:00.002+01:00

2nd trip with Chris - Vienna & Bratislava.

2008-05-01T00:16:00.002+01:00

It is May, supposingly Spring, but this yr, is definitely a very cold Spring, with daily temperature ranging 7-9degrees... honestly, this is really not im looking forward to.. n totally blaming the fact of global warming.. gues it is worse than what we, the humans, the destructors of the earth, predicted.. Now we are paying for the price..

Imagine, hailing in spring.. tats unbelievable.. but somehow, the flowers are still blooming.. although its as cold as winter.. im starting to wonder, if does it really matter to the flowers whether, spring or summer, cold, cool or warm.. they r stil in bloom in april, may.. tats weird..

Anyhow, i have been waiting for too long for the weather to b better.. and i am gettin sick of the cold too... prob subconsciously, that is also why i am travelling out of dublin, whenever i can.. .. ..
just wanna getaway frm the cold..

Im glad that my mum, aunt & uncle are coming @ the end of july.. the weather shld b better by then!! !! So lots of trips this yr, breaking my own record!! which also means breaking my own bank... ... !! ;p