A gd fren-colleague pointed out something to me today at work, and get me thinking..

"Working with me is very stressful."

Was 'precepting' a SN and was havin a student for the last few times at work.. reminds me so much of work back in spore. I enjoy teaching / coaching / sharing my knowledge, and i dont mind doing that, as long as the receiver is receptive, interested & motivated. Attitude & behavior of the person is very important, that i am, sometimes, do very particular abt the little small things abt a person, that i think, this is the problem or difficulty tat im having.

Reflecting on my work, seriously, i think i am kinda perfectionist, although i am a Libran..
i realised, that i am kinda control freak too. All these can be good, and bad too, depends on who i am working with though. Just like for the last couple days, i was with one who is very untidy & disorganised, but as she is still a student, it is understandable & can be teach. But if it is like today, where my 'partner' is already a SN, it gets difficult & frustrating for me.. esp when consdiering that she is older than me.. I cant be always be at her back and cleaning up her mess!!

The student told me that another gd fren-colleague passed a comment abt the way i work too, that i am very on time, that i always finish my work on time. well, the fact is that i always finish my work before time. i always make it a point to finish my work at least an hour before the nex shift comes on duty.

Realising hw perfectionist & controlling i am.. i started to ask myself..
what abt my close friends, my family, my ex-bfs, my bf..

Do they feel pressurised being with me??
Am i too controlling, overbearing??
Am i moving too fast for them to catch up?

I wonder.

有人说过- 爱的越深，伤得也会深。

也不知道为什么，明明已经把自己的心好好的封锁，建立了一道围墙，可是还是被一一的解开了。可是结果还是跟以前一样，又再一次的被爱情给打败了。

当我连对自己也开始怀疑自己的能力再踞续逞下去，爱娜说了一句话，贴心而真实，

“我的心是很大，可以承受这个世界，只是承受不了爱情的伤害”

而我的弟弟也说，“我以为你已经习惯了，分手和伤心的过程”

说真的，连我也自我安慰的对自己说这两句话， 心也比较好了，已经满满的恢复了以前单身的生活。

毕竟，建立围墙和封锁自己的心，是我拿手的强项。

rihanna's new song, which is Alli's new fav song, and me too. simply love her haircut, but too bad i cant pull tat off. ;)

new fav singer - leona lewis. Beautiful Song, beautiful lyrics

These pics were taken a couple mths ago, was waiting to get the photoshop prgm and was too busy to try out the prgm. This was my 1st time @ the Race circuit, & of cos it was Chris who brought me there. Nw i understand why my dad is always watching the race circuit on every sunday, and well, i know he will b wishing that he was here watchin LIVE. I like the Racing part, but really love the drifting though. It was so intense watching 2 cars, being so close and yet, not crashing into each other, jeez.. that really takes a lot of skills! I wanted so much to be in that car to experience the drifting though. ;) i have always love speed, excitement, adrenaline rushing, and this is definitely one of them. This is also one of my reason why im not taking any driving lessons, tests, exams.. i can foresee myself being a hazard on the road.. but.. it is still very tempting to get the car license too. Ah, will see hw i feel.

Had actualy more photos taken @ the circuit, but they are either too small, images are little too blur to sharpen, bcos i was using my digital camera, or they are not that 'perfect' cos i didnt take the whole pic of the car.. wel, i didnt realised tat i did that though.. nw i know, what is considered as a gd pic of a car.. must take the whole car, lesson learnt frm Chris.. ;)

Just when i thought i can really have the happiness that i deserve, i lost it all again.. this is the worst day i have ever been, the worst thing that i have ever done, and it really hurts. To tink that i am the one who destroys everything because i worry, think too much.
Used to ask all the close friends who found their right one, hw do they know that this is the one.. and their answer was, u will know when u meet the right one. Really dont know wat to write nw, cos it has become so empty.. the very 1st time i have ever felt emptiness.. wel, to forget tat i was almost got ran over while crossing the road cos i wasnt really there.. and concluded tat stayin in is the best way to avoid all these hazards.. and to cry my eyes out.. this time it is really very hard to control, i tried, tried really hard but it didnt work.. walking down the busy streets, with a lot of things goin on around me, i just dun even care anymore.. im juz crap.. im tired of being the strong one, who seems to be having everything in my control, tired of teling everybody that i am fine, when im not, tired of not telling the people hw hard it has been for me because didnt want them to worry abt me.. tired of myself that i kept pushing myself so hard all the time.. i dun like all the ugly things tat i have seen in life, on the streets, at work, on the world, where is my rainbow, my sunshine, i want to feel them once again.. need to find my inner peace, prob i shld rest, rest my body, my mind & my soul.... all these pain physically and emotionally.. juz shouldnt & couldnt ignore them anymore.. still wanna wake up in the morning, and grateful to be alive. although its has always been my wish tat if even when i die, i wanna go in my sleep.. but tink i have changed my mind abt tat. enough of blabbling nonsense..

2nd trip with Chris - Vienna & Bratislava.

It is May, supposingly Spring, but this yr, is definitely a very cold Spring, with daily temperature ranging 7-9degrees... honestly, this is really not im looking forward to.. n totally blaming the fact of global warming.. gues it is worse than what we, the humans, the destructors of the earth, predicted.. Now we are paying for the price..

Imagine, hailing in spring.. tats unbelievable.. but somehow, the flowers are still blooming.. although its as cold as winter.. im starting to wonder, if does it really matter to the flowers whether, spring or summer, cold, cool or warm.. they r stil in bloom in april, may.. tats weird..

Anyhow, i have been waiting for too long for the weather to b better.. and i am gettin sick of the cold too... prob subconsciously, that is also why i am travelling out of dublin, whenever i can.. .. ..
just wanna getaway frm the cold..

Im glad that my mum, aunt & uncle are coming @ the end of july.. the weather shld b better by then!! !! So lots of trips this yr, breaking my own record!! which also means breaking my own bank... ... !! ;p