Its almost the end of Nov 2009, 1more month to end of the yr 2009.
6weeks of holidays in singapore has passed so quickly and now im back in dublin once again.
It was so difficult for me to get on the plane this time, but here i am.. back in the freezing cold.
Although i was reluctant to leave home again, at the same time, i was missing my 'other life' in dublin too..
And of cos, now when im back in dublin, i miss my '1st life' in spore.. hah

Its xmas time again, and i wasnt surprised to see the same light decorations on grafton street.. cos it was the same just like 2years ago.. i wonder hw many yrs have they been using the same lights for xmas already..
and all the memories i had for xmas in dublin, were all with chris. sweet.. and tat was 2007. We had celebrated xmas early tat yr as i was to go back to singapore for my sis wedding. The xmas lightings were out, and it was such a sweet feeling walking dwn grafton st and we took some pics too.

This year will b in dublin for xmas, and thankfully, i will not b working tat week. I seriously dun like to work on festive seasons. Although i am not going to be anywhere but dublin, but as long as i am not at work, i am happy. ;)

As this wil most likely to be my last year in dublin, or last xmas i would say, i dun mind whatever or wherever i am goin b in dublin ;) wil definitely try to make the most out of it

All thanks & gratitude to Varun & Caniff, & Varun's family's great hospitality for my 1st trip to India. My stay in Delhi was totally memorable & definitely i would want to go back there again, and do my way of travel. ;)

Being there for the wedding is absolutely a honour, and at the same time, i had learned something from it too.

There are many reasons why people get married..
Some are for benefits, some are for the real love, and so on
and so,i know what i want and what i dont.

I was thinking of you when i was at india, and wished that i could share it with you.
No matter where i am going to be, jsut want to say that you'll always be in my mind ;)

A Part of me goes with you, when you are gone
the lyrics of this song reminds me everything abt us

Hw many times have i been disgusted by how selfish one can be.. how inconsiderate one can be..
Its really 'amazing' how one can be so ignorant of others around him/her..
I used to think the typical characteristics of Kiasu-ism, kiasi-ism only exists in my homegrown plce, but.. honestly, to my comfort, in some ways.. this kind of attitude is everywhere, anywhere, any human being in the world.

How difficult can it be to put others first?
How difficult can it be to be more polite, courteous to others? especially, when the 'stranger' has done nothing to you..
How difficult can it be to hold/open the door for the one behind or in front of you?
How difficult can it be to give up yr seat to someone who needs it?
How difficult can it be to know that you are not the one & only patient in the ward / hospital?
How difficult can it be to realise that you have been rejected more than once, that i am not interested in you, and i have even told you to stop trying?

It is not difficult to see / realise that nowadays men are also behaving more like a girl now, that Sometimes, i really want to tell them straight in the face, "BE A MAN!" or "Stop being a pussy & get on with it"
Dont test my patience.. cos i am not known for that.

i know i hav been sayin this for a long time... im reali lookin forward to my trip back home this time.. and am already counting dwn to it too.. i tink alot of pple ard me has alredy sensed tat too.. ;)

just 1 more month to go.. it wil b my birthday!! going 30 this time!
many pple or mayb gals dun reali look forward to birthdays, esp hitting the number 3.. but, wel, seriously, im not!
I have been looking forward to it though.. wel, i look forward to my bday every yr.. ;p

im stil tinking, how shld i do my bday party.. or who shld i spend it with.. wat do i want to do on my bday.. wel, all i knw is tat, as long as i am spending as much time wif my familyn friends when im back in spore, i am happy. it doesnt reali matter hw we do it. ;)

counting down!!!

Bizarre thoughts for the day

- was considering that maybe i can work in clinic, 5day job, if im going back home for good

then when i was waiting @ the traffic light to cross the road, a car sped fast through me
then this came to me, " i wonder how much it hurt if i get knocked down by the speeding car.."

Then when i was browsing through one's profile & pics.. this came to me " I dont know if i can trust men anymore.."

And when i got home and got a lettermail, i wasnt even bothered about what i had got back from the agency.

All i can think of now.. is YOU.. I really miss you.

There are times when i do wonder
What did i actually missed when im away from home

Other than missing spending time with family & friends & of cos my dog, and the food ;)
i do know that i also missed many opportunities at work & love (maybe)

Everytime, when someone says, "i really envy you, travelling around the world, single, working overseas blah blah"
There is always Gain & Loss in every decision u make, the path that u choose, the sacrifices u make.
I think my mum has started to understand me better when im away frm home.
Understanding that i am pursuing my dreams, my wish.

Just wanna say a big Thank You & I LOVE YOU, to my supporting, loving family & Friends, who have stayed with me for all these years. U folks have no idea how bad & guilty i feel when i know that i cant be there for you when u have any trouble at home, but do remember and keep in mind that, my heart is always with u & distance is never going to drift our friendship away, and i am always just a call away.

I am really looking forward to my 6weeks of holiday back home. ;)

Waking up @ 4am consecutively 2nights, despite of falling asleep @ 1 & 2am..
Have a sudden urge today @ 3pm, that i want to be somewhere near the water..
these thoughts & feelings just kept on repeating in my mind while waiting for the bus..
"I want to, i have to, i need to, i got to GO to the beach"
Unsettling mind, unsettling heart..
Finally got to the nearest 'harbour' to my place.. my mind just started to say,
"yes, this is what i need, this is what i need now"
The peace, the smell of the saltiness of the seawater, i can even smell the clams, the mussels..

It has been a really long time since im @ the beach (by myself) to clear my mind.
The last time when i went on my own, was last yr, to greystones..
Although the sun is shining, the sky is clear today, it looked almost perfect.. the imperfection is that it is very cold, its almost freezing (for me at least)
But the most importantly, is that i did get what my mind needed.

Its only going to be 930pm now, but im feeling wrecked already..
im having a bad feeling.. dun knw what is tat.. just feel something is not right, somewher, somehow....... just when i thought i had almost everything in control & checking away the tasks that i had finally done which i had put away for months... im just hoping n praying that everyone back home is safe n sound & healthy.

I think i have definitely learned one lesson frm working here in dub..
The way to die young.. but its probably also the most painful way to die..
Be an alcoholic (abuser)

Its really sad to witness how one slowly has to die.
Its even heartbreaking to see how much the family has to endure
Im kinda glad that i am not the one who has to 'send off' this patient.. because i was the one who received her when she was transfered from another hospital..
And im glad that at least i had did all i could to make her last journey a comfortable and painfree one.

God bless.

Looking through the pics, thinking about the life i have in dublin,
suddenly, i do feel that i do belong here.. .. .. ..
That feeling.. is also what i have been dreading..
Distraction, i need distraction!!