It is really disappointing to once again see n experienced how selfish one can be, especially when the selfish one is one of my colleagues. Being in the healthcare profession, maybe naively i thought all of us are kind of the same.. Giving unconditionally.. but of cos, the nature of humans.. sometimes it can be really disheartening..

After going through this ugly scene.. it confirms my decision to leave is right afterall.
Being in this profession, i think i have seen enough the good, the kind, and of cos the bad ones too..
And it is also because of this exposure of the real life, it only makes me even stronger than i thought i can be.

Someone once ask me, why do i love watching movies? Why live in the imagination of other's lives in the movies than being in my own?
That is because, mine is already full of adventures, stories, colors, than sometimes its better than see other's lives and imagine being in it, sometimes ordinary and simple is good too.. it helps me to slow down my pace & to appreciate the simple things in life.

Librans are always trying to find a balance.. indeed i am.

The time for me to take it slow is coming near, i can feel it already, and honestly, i am looking forward to it too. Maybe it is time to catch up with me soon, my dear friends. ;)

Sometimes there are no reason why you want to do something,
no explanation to why you feel the way you do.
Sometimes you just know that you have to do it.
There are always things that happen in life around you that neither explanation or reason is needed.
Sometimes you just have to listen to your heart, feel it in your heart.

Maybe after this 2weeks of break from work, will help me to get over the dilemma that has been troubling me for the last week.
Hopefully, i will be able to get some answers in my heart.
I need to be able to feel it once again, before it drives me nuts.

There are times when no matter how hard you try, the harder you try to make it better, things will go worse

Sometimes, even when you know you had done yr best, done all the right things, still it might not turn out right.

Sometimes, even when you know how much you really love the person, still you will have to let it go.

When someone has given up hope in life, it doesn't matter how hard others try to save it.

The year 2010 aka the year of TIGER, and just because of the number of 2010, i truly believes & hopes that this year is going to be gret one for me. ;) because of my birthday is 20th October
But as according to the lunar calendar, the year 2010 is only starting frm 14 Feb, so guess would have to wait til then, and then we´ll see hw this new year wil go for me.

Year 2009 has definitely not been the smoothest year for me, as i can remember till now..
even for last week, i had the weirdest n scariest dreams for 3 consecutive ´nites´
I actualy dreamt of spirits/ghosts, and there was once where it really felt so real that i can still remembered till now.. still sent a chill down my spine though..

My eyes were closed, and i heard someone in my apartment, heard the footsteps, coming closer & then i felt that it was on top of me, i couldnt breathe, couldnt make any sound, and all i did, was to pray. When i finaly can open my eyes, all was still the same. It was really weird, cos this is the 1st time that i dreamt of this.

And before that nite, i had another ´dream´.. that i really heard Peter´s voice, just right beside me, asking me a question.. the voice was just right beside my ear.

Honestly, this kinda disturbs me, cos i dont usualy dream when im asleep. and having 3dreams consecutively.. this is really unusual..

Will go to get the book once i get the time to go to the bookshop.

The last time i browse through the book in the bookshop is when i actualy dreamt of my brother came to visit me in dublin, but he was dead from the plane crash when on the way to dublin to give me a surprise visit.. it was his spririt that i saw. Gosh! i was horrified!! i remembered that i woke up crying so hard, and called home right away to make sure that he is alright, and was warning him to be careful, and he was kinda joking and reassuring me that it was the ´Ghost month´ as well.. .. .. ..

right now, im in Malaga, Spain, for almost a week, and everything is going on well, like the usual, dreamless nights. Im hoping that it will stay like this when i go back to my own apt in dublin.. ..

Although One can change for the better, but there is always something that One cant change.
No matter how much One tries to change or to hide, One can never change the nature of One has born with.

When One is born to be a fighter, One is Always a fighter, for One is not born to be a follower.
Even when one tries to suppress the competitive nature, there will b a day when the competitive nature will surface once again.

Just be what you are, without hurting anyone or yourself.

Walking down the memory lane

It has been awhile since i have the time to sit down n do some reflection..
so now, being away frm dublin, away frm all the buzz in the city, im now in belfast over a friend's plce for couple days. this is one place that i have subconsciously trying to avoid to visit. im not avoiding my friend & his sweet family. i was avoiding to remember the times that i had in belfast with chris, bcos the train that i have to take frm dublin to belfast will b passing by newry & portadown, that was where he stayed.

No matter how long one try to avoid to face the demon deep inside, one still has to face it one day.

As when i had promised to visit keith & his family for xmas, when we met up when we were all in singapore, i knew i couldnt run away from it anymore.

When i was on the train, everything came back to me. The good thing is that all the memories that we had left, are the sweet, lovely, loving ones. right now, i couldnt even really remember wat didnt work out. It was all so beautiful, especially when the train passed by newry & portadown, it was actually snowing. A really beautiful sight. Gues this is one of God's way to tell me how beautiful the relationship was. :) i wasnt upset or emotional, just felt peaceful. i do still miss him, gues it is one fact tat i cant deny. :) and im all good.

Although i know i will remember alot more tomorrow when i hit the town, but im looking forward to it though. Because the last time when i came to belfast, was with lily. so there wil b a mixture of memories, but all is good. :)

Being in belfast, and hopefully can take nice pictures, gues it is one of the best way to end my 'travels' for the year of 2009. i would still consider being in belfast is being away on my travel, bcos it is under UK! we're using pounds over here! LOL

it has been 3weeks since im back in dublin from singapore, and geez.. not a day tat i was free.. wel, i had always been very good at keeping myself occupied anyways..
Had been really disciplined about hitting the gym for the threadmill on all my rest days ;) Mainly because wanting to maintain my fitness & weight of cos. The main goal is not to put on any weight especially during the winter time!!

Something happened when i 1st went to sauna after my holidays, i actually had a episode of syncope, just straight after coming out from the sauna :(
i dun know how long i was passed out, but thank god that i didnt hit my head or hurt myself in anyway. i dun want any more incidents anymore!

christmas is round the corner, and for this year, wont have to spend alot of money to buy any gifts, as i will be spending my xmas in dublin ;) i will see this as a good thing to be, as by right i should try to save as much as possible, as the stupid irish government is going to have a paycut across the country for the public sectors... ....

the increase of the tax, since the recession has started in the early months of the yr.. and now another paycut.... this is really not looking too good.. :( gotta hang on there for as long as i can!!

Its almost the end of Nov 2009, 1more month to end of the yr 2009.
6weeks of holidays in singapore has passed so quickly and now im back in dublin once again.
It was so difficult for me to get on the plane this time, but here i am.. back in the freezing cold.
Although i was reluctant to leave home again, at the same time, i was missing my 'other life' in dublin too..
And of cos, now when im back in dublin, i miss my '1st life' in spore.. hah

Its xmas time again, and i wasnt surprised to see the same light decorations on grafton street.. cos it was the same just like 2years ago.. i wonder hw many yrs have they been using the same lights for xmas already..
and all the memories i had for xmas in dublin, were all with chris. sweet.. and tat was 2007. We had celebrated xmas early tat yr as i was to go back to singapore for my sis wedding. The xmas lightings were out, and it was such a sweet feeling walking dwn grafton st and we took some pics too.

This year will b in dublin for xmas, and thankfully, i will not b working tat week. I seriously dun like to work on festive seasons. Although i am not going to be anywhere but dublin, but as long as i am not at work, i am happy. ;)

As this wil most likely to be my last year in dublin, or last xmas i would say, i dun mind whatever or wherever i am goin b in dublin ;) wil definitely try to make the most out of it

All thanks & gratitude to Varun & Caniff, & Varun's family's great hospitality for my 1st trip to India. My stay in Delhi was totally memorable & definitely i would want to go back there again, and do my way of travel. ;)

Being there for the wedding is absolutely a honour, and at the same time, i had learned something from it too.

There are many reasons why people get married..
Some are for benefits, some are for the real love, and so on
and so,i know what i want and what i dont.

I was thinking of you when i was at india, and wished that i could share it with you.
No matter where i am going to be, jsut want to say that you'll always be in my mind ;)

A Part of me goes with you, when you are gone
the lyrics of this song reminds me everything abt us