Just received the bad news frm my godmum regarding the death of Aunty May..
The last time i saw her was prob 2-3yrs ago, and she was still healthy & happy.. got to knw tat she has cancer abt 1-2yr ago, and has always been praying for her although i am so far away frm home. Hav been following up abt her progress frm my godmum ever since her diagnosis of cancer, and recently it just got worse, when her body is failing her.

This is what i dreaded most, even though i am workin as a nurse, and have seen all these many times.. but.. when it is happening to my close ones, to those whom i reali knw in person, in life, i stil cant handle it myself, and i knw im not strong to handle tat too...

The thing that i dreaded most, is to see (know) the deterioration of one's health.. witnessing the slow death of one.. somehw, im glad that i am not in spore to go through this, but i hav a stronger feeling of wishing tat i am back in spore to go through this wif them...

Glad in a way, that she is not suffering anymore, and that she's back in GOD's arms, and all of us know tat she is happy nw. At least, they were all there when she's going..

This strong negative emotions is gettin on fast n strong on me tat, now im feelin sick.. and the freezing weather is not helpin me either..

losing someone in life is never an easy task.. cos i had lost that someone, and i knw hw much it reali hurts.. and hw deep is the wound... no matter hw hard i try to put it back together, i realised its stil there..

i may seemed to hav gettin on pretty well, but hav i??

Im Still At the Same Place, Waiting, Wishing, Hoping.. ..

Is this Hw its goin to be.. ?
Is this hw its going to end??
Is this hw its supposed to be???

Its amazing hw the yr has gone flashing by, and nw its going to be the end of Sept, and just one more month to go for my bday. Didnt imagine tat i would be on my own for this yr bday though.. it was hard to take, but i knw i hav to b strong. But seriously, tinking back, i stil tink im fortunate & lucky enough to have gone through all these, all the good, happy & sad, heartbreaking events. Im stil a human being with feelings!!!!!!

Every yr for my bday, i always make a point to buy something for myself, (wel, i buy things for myself everytime, anytime i can actualy) hmm, not the usual shopping stuffs tat i would get for myself of cos! Birthday present for myself is definitely more expensive than the usual shopping! ;)

Due to lots of changes in my life for the past few mths.. i didnt reali hav the time / energy to reali tink abt this yr bday.. So at the last minute deal i can get for my bday - is to go to Frankfurt for 3days, and of cos, flying off on my bday itself, right after my night shift as well.. couldnt go away for the whole week, cos im expecting a gd friend frm spore to come and visit me during the week too, so hav to b in dublin for the rest of the week..

Ther'r so many things tat i wanna get for myself at the same time too.. but gues, would hav to wait for me to b back in spore to get them myself.. Not expecting any of my friends or family to get them for me, cos they are actualy reali quite expensive.

My list of things to get
- Mini Laptop (Asus EEE-PC 701) i simply fall in love with the pink version!!
- Portable hard drive
- 4 port USB
- New mobile, preferably a smartphone like Nokia E71
- Sony T300
- Accessories for my baby, Canon 400D, like external flash, battery grip etc.. .. ..

Have to realli decide which one is most impt, the most tat i need. . . .

Right now, how i wished i am still working in Spore, cos i can get some of the stuffs with the bonus tat i would get at the end of the yr, and prob would hav got some of it too by nw, with the bonus tat we would get for June... sigh.....

But of cos, i stil count my blessings to be here instead, cos having the opportunity to travel ard here.. .. wel, gues thats the main reason why i am goin to b stil here.. in a way or another..

I Love OCTOBER, simply because im born in the month of OCT!! !! !! ;)