Sunday, September 27, 2009

Hw many times have i been disgusted by how selfish one can be.. how inconsiderate one can be..
Its really 'amazing' how one can be so ignorant of others around him/her..
I used to think the typical characteristics of Kiasu-ism, kiasi-ism only exists in my homegrown plce, but.. honestly, to my comfort, in some ways.. this kind of attitude is everywhere, anywhere, any human being in the world.

How difficult can it be to put others first?
How difficult can it be to be more polite, courteous to others? especially, when the 'stranger' has done nothing to you..
How difficult can it be to hold/open the door for the one behind or in front of you?
How difficult can it be to give up yr seat to someone who needs it?
How difficult can it be to know that you are not the one & only patient in the ward / hospital?
How difficult can it be to realise that you have been rejected more than once, that i am not interested in you, and i have even told you to stop trying?

It is not difficult to see / realise that nowadays men are also behaving more like a girl now, that Sometimes, i really want to tell them straight in the face, "BE A MAN!" or "Stop being a pussy & get on with it"
Dont test my patience.. cos i am not known for that.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

i know i hav been sayin this for a long time... im reali lookin forward to my trip back home this time.. and am already counting dwn to it too.. i tink alot of pple ard me has alredy sensed tat too.. ;)

just 1 more month to go.. it wil b my birthday!! going 30 this time!
many pple or mayb gals dun reali look forward to birthdays, esp hitting the number 3.. but, wel, seriously, im not!
I have been looking forward to it though.. wel, i look forward to my bday every yr.. ;p

im stil tinking, how shld i do my bday party.. or who shld i spend it with.. wat do i want to do on my bday.. wel, all i knw is tat, as long as i am spending as much time wif my familyn friends when im back in spore, i am happy. it doesnt reali matter hw we do it. ;)

counting down!!!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Bizarre thoughts for the day

- was considering that maybe i can work in clinic, 5day job, if im going back home for good

then when i was waiting @ the traffic light to cross the road, a car sped fast through me
then this came to me, " i wonder how much it hurt if i get knocked down by the speeding car.."

Then when i was browsing through one's profile & pics.. this came to me " I dont know if i can trust men anymore.."

And when i got home and got a lettermail, i wasnt even bothered about what i had got back from the agency.

All i can think of now.. is YOU.. I really miss you.

Monday, September 14, 2009

There are times when i do wonder
What did i actually missed when im away from home

Other than missing spending time with family & friends & of cos my dog, and the food ;)
i do know that i also missed many opportunities at work & love (maybe)

Everytime, when someone says, "i really envy you, travelling around the world, single, working overseas blah blah"
There is always Gain & Loss in every decision u make, the path that u choose, the sacrifices u make.
I think my mum has started to understand me better when im away frm home.
Understanding that i am pursuing my dreams, my wish.

Just wanna say a big Thank You & I LOVE YOU, to my supporting, loving family & Friends, who have stayed with me for all these years. U folks have no idea how bad & guilty i feel when i know that i cant be there for you when u have any trouble at home, but do remember and keep in mind that, my heart is always with u & distance is never going to drift our friendship away, and i am always just a call away.

I am really looking forward to my 6weeks of holiday back home. ;)

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Waking up @ 4am consecutively 2nights, despite of falling asleep @ 1 & 2am..
Have a sudden urge today @ 3pm, that i want to be somewhere near the water..
these thoughts & feelings just kept on repeating in my mind while waiting for the bus..
"I want to, i have to, i need to, i got to GO to the beach"
Unsettling mind, unsettling heart..
Finally got to the nearest 'harbour' to my place.. my mind just started to say,
"yes, this is what i need, this is what i need now"
The peace, the smell of the saltiness of the seawater, i can even smell the clams, the mussels..

It has been a really long time since im @ the beach (by myself) to clear my mind.
The last time when i went on my own, was last yr, to greystones..
Although the sun is shining, the sky is clear today, it looked almost perfect.. the imperfection is that it is very cold, its almost freezing (for me at least)
But the most importantly, is that i did get what my mind needed.

Its only going to be 930pm now, but im feeling wrecked already..
im having a bad feeling.. dun knw what is tat.. just feel something is not right, somewher, somehow....... just when i thought i had almost everything in control & checking away the tasks that i had finally done which i had put away for months... im just hoping n praying that everyone back home is safe n sound & healthy.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

I think i have definitely learned one lesson frm working here in dub..
The way to die young.. but its probably also the most painful way to die..
Be an alcoholic (abuser)

Its really sad to witness how one slowly has to die.
Its even heartbreaking to see how much the family has to endure
Im kinda glad that i am not the one who has to 'send off' this patient.. because i was the one who received her when she was transfered from another hospital..
And im glad that at least i had did all i could to make her last journey a comfortable and painfree one.

God bless.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Looking through the pics, thinking about the life i have in dublin,
suddenly, i do feel that i do belong here.. .. .. ..
That feeling.. is also what i have been dreading..
Distraction, i need distraction!!
When hope is all lost, then Time will definitely heal all wounds.

So, let me lose all the hopes, so that I can let Time heal my wound.

I can find other hopes when i totally lose this one.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

It must be ages ago & I really missed this feeling.. feeling of being close to my dad..
I realised that i do missed his voice, his laughter.
How lucky we are in these modern days that communication has made so easy for us

I dont remember when did my dad went for his long deserved holiday. This time, he went to Phillippines for 2weeks with colleagues and im glad he had a great time. He spoke of his adventures & the great times he had, i was just sitting on my gym ball listening to him.

Somehow, as always, the topic changes from his trip to me.. to think that he is still worried for me, makes me feel kinda weird but happy in a way. To think that i have always thought that i am the least of their worries among my siblings.. maybe not..

No matter what is my decision, i know he will always be supporting me.

I cant wait to be back home & to tell him in person myself, that I love him.

Just like how much i wanted to see C, to tell him in person, that I love him.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Life is always full of surprises, be it good or bad, no one knows what is coming.
There is also a lot of sayings, philosophies.. like
A leopard never change its spots.
What goes around, comes around.
Never eat where you sh*t

I have never like one who lies or cheat, and i used to say this, if you cheat, never ever let me know. If u lie to me, dun ever let me know the truth.
Once, i was betrayed, lied & cheated on by the one i loved
although all is forgiven, but i would never forget
although i have totally let it go, but memories remain

i prayed for you to be a grown up & to treat the next woman right & well.
knowing that you are doing better and in another long term relationship, i thought my prayers were answered.. but.. who knows.. you are making the same mistake again..
breaking another poor gal's heart

wel, at least somehow in some ways, i felt so relieved for myself
im glad that i am what i am now,
somehow i have to thank you for it as what i have gone through with you, has made me a stronger person.

i still believe tat u r not tat bad in yr nature, but stil, u reali dun knw why u had done this to hurt the pple who loves you.
to think that u can still remember what we had gone through, i reali wonder what is in yr mind, what has make u change so much.. or did i make a mistake.. that this is yr real nature..

i just hope that u will come to yr senses & stop hurting pple who loves you.