Although One can change for the better, but there is always something that One cant change.
No matter how much One tries to change or to hide, One can never change the nature of One has born with.

When One is born to be a fighter, One is Always a fighter, for One is not born to be a follower.
Even when one tries to suppress the competitive nature, there will b a day when the competitive nature will surface once again.

Just be what you are, without hurting anyone or yourself.

Walking down the memory lane

It has been awhile since i have the time to sit down n do some reflection..
so now, being away frm dublin, away frm all the buzz in the city, im now in belfast over a friend's plce for couple days. this is one place that i have subconsciously trying to avoid to visit. im not avoiding my friend & his sweet family. i was avoiding to remember the times that i had in belfast with chris, bcos the train that i have to take frm dublin to belfast will b passing by newry & portadown, that was where he stayed.

No matter how long one try to avoid to face the demon deep inside, one still has to face it one day.

As when i had promised to visit keith & his family for xmas, when we met up when we were all in singapore, i knew i couldnt run away from it anymore.

When i was on the train, everything came back to me. The good thing is that all the memories that we had left, are the sweet, lovely, loving ones. right now, i couldnt even really remember wat didnt work out. It was all so beautiful, especially when the train passed by newry & portadown, it was actually snowing. A really beautiful sight. Gues this is one of God's way to tell me how beautiful the relationship was. :) i wasnt upset or emotional, just felt peaceful. i do still miss him, gues it is one fact tat i cant deny. :) and im all good.

Although i know i will remember alot more tomorrow when i hit the town, but im looking forward to it though. Because the last time when i came to belfast, was with lily. so there wil b a mixture of memories, but all is good. :)

Being in belfast, and hopefully can take nice pictures, gues it is one of the best way to end my 'travels' for the year of 2009. i would still consider being in belfast is being away on my travel, bcos it is under UK! we're using pounds over here! LOL

it has been 3weeks since im back in dublin from singapore, and geez.. not a day tat i was free.. wel, i had always been very good at keeping myself occupied anyways..
Had been really disciplined about hitting the gym for the threadmill on all my rest days ;) Mainly because wanting to maintain my fitness & weight of cos. The main goal is not to put on any weight especially during the winter time!!

Something happened when i 1st went to sauna after my holidays, i actually had a episode of syncope, just straight after coming out from the sauna :(
i dun know how long i was passed out, but thank god that i didnt hit my head or hurt myself in anyway. i dun want any more incidents anymore!

christmas is round the corner, and for this year, wont have to spend alot of money to buy any gifts, as i will be spending my xmas in dublin ;) i will see this as a good thing to be, as by right i should try to save as much as possible, as the stupid irish government is going to have a paycut across the country for the public sectors... ....

the increase of the tax, since the recession has started in the early months of the yr.. and now another paycut.... this is really not looking too good.. :( gotta hang on there for as long as i can!!

Its almost the end of Nov 2009, 1more month to end of the yr 2009.
6weeks of holidays in singapore has passed so quickly and now im back in dublin once again.
It was so difficult for me to get on the plane this time, but here i am.. back in the freezing cold.
Although i was reluctant to leave home again, at the same time, i was missing my 'other life' in dublin too..
And of cos, now when im back in dublin, i miss my '1st life' in spore.. hah

Its xmas time again, and i wasnt surprised to see the same light decorations on grafton street.. cos it was the same just like 2years ago.. i wonder hw many yrs have they been using the same lights for xmas already..
and all the memories i had for xmas in dublin, were all with chris. sweet.. and tat was 2007. We had celebrated xmas early tat yr as i was to go back to singapore for my sis wedding. The xmas lightings were out, and it was such a sweet feeling walking dwn grafton st and we took some pics too.

This year will b in dublin for xmas, and thankfully, i will not b working tat week. I seriously dun like to work on festive seasons. Although i am not going to be anywhere but dublin, but as long as i am not at work, i am happy. ;)

As this wil most likely to be my last year in dublin, or last xmas i would say, i dun mind whatever or wherever i am goin b in dublin ;) wil definitely try to make the most out of it

All thanks & gratitude to Varun & Caniff, & Varun's family's great hospitality for my 1st trip to India. My stay in Delhi was totally memorable & definitely i would want to go back there again, and do my way of travel. ;)

Being there for the wedding is absolutely a honour, and at the same time, i had learned something from it too.

There are many reasons why people get married..
Some are for benefits, some are for the real love, and so on
and so,i know what i want and what i dont.

I was thinking of you when i was at india, and wished that i could share it with you.
No matter where i am going to be, jsut want to say that you'll always be in my mind ;)

A Part of me goes with you, when you are gone
the lyrics of this song reminds me everything abt us

Hw many times have i been disgusted by how selfish one can be.. how inconsiderate one can be..
Its really 'amazing' how one can be so ignorant of others around him/her..
I used to think the typical characteristics of Kiasu-ism, kiasi-ism only exists in my homegrown plce, but.. honestly, to my comfort, in some ways.. this kind of attitude is everywhere, anywhere, any human being in the world.

How difficult can it be to put others first?
How difficult can it be to be more polite, courteous to others? especially, when the 'stranger' has done nothing to you..
How difficult can it be to hold/open the door for the one behind or in front of you?
How difficult can it be to give up yr seat to someone who needs it?
How difficult can it be to know that you are not the one & only patient in the ward / hospital?
How difficult can it be to realise that you have been rejected more than once, that i am not interested in you, and i have even told you to stop trying?

It is not difficult to see / realise that nowadays men are also behaving more like a girl now, that Sometimes, i really want to tell them straight in the face, "BE A MAN!" or "Stop being a pussy & get on with it"
Dont test my patience.. cos i am not known for that.

i know i hav been sayin this for a long time... im reali lookin forward to my trip back home this time.. and am already counting dwn to it too.. i tink alot of pple ard me has alredy sensed tat too.. ;)

just 1 more month to go.. it wil b my birthday!! going 30 this time!
many pple or mayb gals dun reali look forward to birthdays, esp hitting the number 3.. but, wel, seriously, im not!
I have been looking forward to it though.. wel, i look forward to my bday every yr.. ;p

im stil tinking, how shld i do my bday party.. or who shld i spend it with.. wat do i want to do on my bday.. wel, all i knw is tat, as long as i am spending as much time wif my familyn friends when im back in spore, i am happy. it doesnt reali matter hw we do it. ;)

counting down!!!

Bizarre thoughts for the day

- was considering that maybe i can work in clinic, 5day job, if im going back home for good

then when i was waiting @ the traffic light to cross the road, a car sped fast through me
then this came to me, " i wonder how much it hurt if i get knocked down by the speeding car.."

Then when i was browsing through one's profile & pics.. this came to me " I dont know if i can trust men anymore.."

And when i got home and got a lettermail, i wasnt even bothered about what i had got back from the agency.

All i can think of now.. is YOU.. I really miss you.

There are times when i do wonder
What did i actually missed when im away from home

Other than missing spending time with family & friends & of cos my dog, and the food ;)
i do know that i also missed many opportunities at work & love (maybe)

Everytime, when someone says, "i really envy you, travelling around the world, single, working overseas blah blah"
There is always Gain & Loss in every decision u make, the path that u choose, the sacrifices u make.
I think my mum has started to understand me better when im away frm home.
Understanding that i am pursuing my dreams, my wish.

Just wanna say a big Thank You & I LOVE YOU, to my supporting, loving family & Friends, who have stayed with me for all these years. U folks have no idea how bad & guilty i feel when i know that i cant be there for you when u have any trouble at home, but do remember and keep in mind that, my heart is always with u & distance is never going to drift our friendship away, and i am always just a call away.

I am really looking forward to my 6weeks of holiday back home. ;)

Waking up @ 4am consecutively 2nights, despite of falling asleep @ 1 & 2am..
Have a sudden urge today @ 3pm, that i want to be somewhere near the water..
these thoughts & feelings just kept on repeating in my mind while waiting for the bus..
"I want to, i have to, i need to, i got to GO to the beach"
Unsettling mind, unsettling heart..
Finally got to the nearest 'harbour' to my place.. my mind just started to say,
"yes, this is what i need, this is what i need now"
The peace, the smell of the saltiness of the seawater, i can even smell the clams, the mussels..

It has been a really long time since im @ the beach (by myself) to clear my mind.
The last time when i went on my own, was last yr, to greystones..
Although the sun is shining, the sky is clear today, it looked almost perfect.. the imperfection is that it is very cold, its almost freezing (for me at least)
But the most importantly, is that i did get what my mind needed.

Its only going to be 930pm now, but im feeling wrecked already..
im having a bad feeling.. dun knw what is tat.. just feel something is not right, somewher, somehow....... just when i thought i had almost everything in control & checking away the tasks that i had finally done which i had put away for months... im just hoping n praying that everyone back home is safe n sound & healthy.

I think i have definitely learned one lesson frm working here in dub..
The way to die young.. but its probably also the most painful way to die..
Be an alcoholic (abuser)

Its really sad to witness how one slowly has to die.
Its even heartbreaking to see how much the family has to endure
Im kinda glad that i am not the one who has to 'send off' this patient.. because i was the one who received her when she was transfered from another hospital..
And im glad that at least i had did all i could to make her last journey a comfortable and painfree one.

God bless.

Looking through the pics, thinking about the life i have in dublin,
suddenly, i do feel that i do belong here.. .. .. ..
That feeling.. is also what i have been dreading..
Distraction, i need distraction!!

When hope is all lost, then Time will definitely heal all wounds.

So, let me lose all the hopes, so that I can let Time heal my wound.

I can find other hopes when i totally lose this one.

It must be ages ago & I really missed this feeling.. feeling of being close to my dad..
I realised that i do missed his voice, his laughter.
How lucky we are in these modern days that communication has made so easy for us

I dont remember when did my dad went for his long deserved holiday. This time, he went to Phillippines for 2weeks with colleagues and im glad he had a great time. He spoke of his adventures & the great times he had, i was just sitting on my gym ball listening to him.

Somehow, as always, the topic changes from his trip to me.. to think that he is still worried for me, makes me feel kinda weird but happy in a way. To think that i have always thought that i am the least of their worries among my siblings.. maybe not..

No matter what is my decision, i know he will always be supporting me.

I cant wait to be back home & to tell him in person myself, that I love him.

Just like how much i wanted to see C, to tell him in person, that I love him.

Life is always full of surprises, be it good or bad, no one knows what is coming.
There is also a lot of sayings, philosophies.. like
A leopard never change its spots.
What goes around, comes around.
Never eat where you sh*t

I have never like one who lies or cheat, and i used to say this, if you cheat, never ever let me know. If u lie to me, dun ever let me know the truth.
Once, i was betrayed, lied & cheated on by the one i loved
although all is forgiven, but i would never forget
although i have totally let it go, but memories remain

i prayed for you to be a grown up & to treat the next woman right & well.
knowing that you are doing better and in another long term relationship, i thought my prayers were answered.. but.. who knows.. you are making the same mistake again..
breaking another poor gal's heart

wel, at least somehow in some ways, i felt so relieved for myself
im glad that i am what i am now,
somehow i have to thank you for it as what i have gone through with you, has made me a stronger person.

i still believe tat u r not tat bad in yr nature, but stil, u reali dun knw why u had done this to hurt the pple who loves you.
to think that u can still remember what we had gone through, i reali wonder what is in yr mind, what has make u change so much.. or did i make a mistake.. that this is yr real nature..

i just hope that u will come to yr senses & stop hurting pple who loves you.

Watched a show by Angeline Jolie & Edward Burns, Life or Something like it, makes me ponder..
well, everything happens around me, anything that i'd watched, makes me ponder..

What is important in yr life?
Your career?
Your wedding?
The man that you are going to marry, just because he fits all the criteria in your checklist?
The so-call PERFECTION that you have created yourself...?

Sometimes, what you think its important, what you have gone through, what you have come so far from, what you have worked so hard for.., might not be the real thing that you want in your life...!!

Define Love.

Define Life.

Define Perfect.

If you look into the dictionary and search for the meanings of these words, you get plenty of explanations of the words.

But in real life, let's just keep it simple.

If you love somebody, tell them. Dont wait for the special day/moment to tell them, because that day might not come. Everyday is special as long as you are with the one whom you love.

Live your life to the fullest everyday, because the next day might not come.

As for perfect, as the saying goes, No one, Nothing is perfect, so dont look for one and you don't have to be one.

I don't have to be one either.

its been almost 4yrs since i had sponsor this kid frm mongolia, with the organisation, World vision in Singapore.

Really happy to receive this card frm the kiddo, where he will keep me updated abt his general progress. well, not really by the kiddo as he is still too young.. it is filled up by his grand dad. Last yr, the card was filled up by his mum. ;)

Mongolia is one of the country that i have been wanting to go and visit, way b4 the sponsorship.

i think i might have some affinity with the country, and prob with the kid too.. ;)

when i contacted world vision to express my interest for the sponsorship program, the 1st child profile they gave it to me is this kiddo, and i said yes. it was near xmas then, so i suppose that's also one of the best xmas present tat i had given someone. ;)

Its been awhile since i last post something but now i have such sudden urge to post something that my dearest brother had wrote in his blog. Here it goes, ;)


15 July
Can't seems to fall alseep on another restless night (Chin Family)
HAHAHAHA who is in the right mind to be so awake at 4.28AM! I could have fall asleep at 12am when I felt so tired, but now! I'm facing insomnia! -_-" all because of my stubborness to face tiredness! HAHAHAHAAnyway, it might be heaven's will to keep me awake so I can start blogging once again! LOL. There has been a couple of times when I wanted to "restart" a blog but I just couldn't bring myself to face it. LOL. *for many reasonssssss* Past is over! Lets look ahead! =D One of the reasons that I should blog/write down many things was that I cannot afford to loss any great memories in my life AGAIN! It is such a painful feeling that I would never want to face it once again...... Thankfully, most memories are still kept safely in my heart :) I'm blessed! :pHmmmmm, what should I blog? Ok! Let's start with my family! Hehehe, I seldom talk or discuss too much my relationship with my family, HAHAHA, maybe we are being brought up too independantly already, LOL. But! No matter what happens, I have the best parents ever, best sisters ever, BECAUSE, they are my ONE and ONLY family members that I love! I will only remember the great things they had done and slowly forgetting what they "might have done" :) Fate has brought this family together and giving each and everyone "tests" "obsticles" to overcome and End of the day, we are always 1, FAMILY...... *did i just forgot to mention Coko?

*Dad (The True Master Chin): A guy who has my utomost respect for being so tolerate and forgiving in the family. :) Suffering in silence most of the time...... maybe that is what it takes to be a dad, the person who works the most, pay the most and contribute the most to the Chin Family. Waking up almost everyday at 4am to get ready to work, taking care of Coko (our dog). :) Life has changed this man from a gangster to a family man, a man who makes mistakes in life but still faithfully carrying out his duties as the Head of Chin Family.

Mom (Guardian of the Chin Family): Woman are meant to be softer and more sensitive towards relationships and feelings, my mom is no different. She is always the one who gets worried and heartaches when any of the family members get hurts or suffers..... Of couse! She is also the one who take care of everyone in the family, do the dishes, clearing all our mess, maintaining this family. The person who is the saddest when my 2nd sister got married! LOL. Life has changed this woman from a princess to a empress, the straight forward nature and self centred person has given in to every single child she had.....

Eldest Sister (The free soul): A mature woman who knows how to really live her life to the fullest, not afraid to make mistakes and always daring enough to take the step that some guys would never be able to take. :) She is the free soul that I admire, the courage and independantness that I cannot afford to take. :) This woman had gone through alot to be who she is now, I can even see the difference she makes, the thinking and piority she had in life changes the day she left us to persue her dream...... She is ever changing! LOL. *wonder will I be able to see this woman get married, hahahaha* From a girl who is rebellious to a mature woman who lives overseas..... Life has made this woman more family like. =p Begin to appreciate this family more, loves this family more. :)

2nd Sister (The settled soul): A mother of 1 who always make family her piority in life. Studies is really not her cup of tea eventhough she might have done a lot better when we were all younger! LOL. Her family focus attitude is something that I will have to learn when the time comes by. She is always the one who makes the extra effort, go the extra mile to organize celebration for birthdays/special occasions. Currently having a family of her own and still learning to be a better married daughter, :p things are going smoothly for this young mother since she was born, LOL, maybe she is the most blessed person in this family (apart from me) :p From a young girl who is always being bullied to a lady who found true love and got married..... now becoming a true mom who is experiencing the happiness of building a family. May all good things fall upon this sister of mine~ Great health to Jaden and of course Mr Bond <---- U r the MAN!

Coko (precious): If there is someone who doesn't knows that I have a brother that lives with me, then I shall introduce this COKO of CHIN family! The dog who my family members adore so much and care so much (even more than me)..... He is also the most un-contributing member of the family! LOL. Ok! he did contribute by pretending to be pathetic and gel us together when he seeks attention, hahahaha. The dog who loves to sleep on my bed and make a mess out of it! keep following strangers who stepped in my house, without barking!!!!! The dog who doesn't bark or lick unless being forced..... -_-" sometimes I wonder whether is he a dog or pretending to be one. LOL. From a puppy to Hmmmmm, a puppy still! LOL. Really hope there wouldnt be a time to see off this brother of mine..... Wow! I haven been able to write about myself because I will surely leave this to my family members to do it! :) I love you all! There wouldn't be a better family in this whole world except for the Chin Family!

I was so touched & felt terribly heartache, missing my family so much after reading this. He had hit on all the facts & truth abt all of us, that we have never say it out due to the way we were brought up, but of cos im sure we all know this too, in our hearts.

So to add in to his post, this is for u bro!

Brother (the joker, slacker, most goodlooking in the family)
Since we were kids, i have always loved my brother more, and given that our similar personalities, i am closer to him too. Watching him growing frm a mischievious, happy chuckling little boy to this day of a mature, responsible young, goodlooking man, im really proud of him. ;)
This brother of mine is one who has always put our family 1st in place, one who has always love this family, no matter what happens, has proved that he is definitely will b a very good husband! :) prob just need a little more time to find the Ms Right, & of cos @ the right time too.
He is also one who will do sweet little things tat matters most, like the psotcard, sms texts tat he had sent to me.

Like you said, there is no other better family than the Chin family!
Thanks for all the understanding, support, love, strength that All of you had given me, i knw it deeply in my heart & i really appreciated it. Without you, i wouldnt have make it this far, realising, fulfilling my dream here in dublin.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!! ;)

I remembered things were so much simpler, straightforward when i was a little kid, even people.
But as we grow, the world is growing up too i suppose, and thats when everything gets complicated.
Its not because we grew smarter, but its because nobody dares to express their real feelings.
we tend to have learned hw to suppress, how to hide behind masks, so that they cannot be hurt, not being vulnerable, trying to be perfect.
Hw many friends do u knw that are realy genuine? Hw do u knw tat they are genuine? Hw do u knw that they are not using u?

In the past, people believe in fate & destiny, i still do. But nowadays, with the advanced technology, we dont really need fate & destiny that much, for us to meet people.
Its opportunity that people create/ made by themselves to meet people.

In the past, love is so much simpler.
People get into relationship when they fall in love.
Get heartbroken when they fall out of love.
But now, people get into relationship when they can get something out of the relationship.
Benefits relationship.
Its no more of "i love you, i want to be with you"
Its more of "I want to be with you, because i can get this/that frm you"

This is sad, but true.

I Dun need any of these pretences.

When i said I miss you, I mean it.
When i said I love you, I mean it.
These are words that are simple & meaningful.
But its so commonly used by people that it doesnt hold much meanings to it anymore.

But when i do say it, i do mean it, cos it does takes a lot of me to say it & it means a lot to me. ;)

When has Loving someone become so difficult?
When has falling in love become so difficult?
Someone said, As you grow older, its harder to fall in love.

Maybe its because as One gets older, the more One doesnt want to be hurt
Maybe its because One has had too many heartbreaks before, that One doesnt believe in love anymore
Maybe its because One still believes that the destined one, the perfect one is still out there
Maybe its because One doesnt want to settle down with the 2nd best
Whatever reason One has, One doesnt really have any control about any of these above
When it comes to the matters of the heart, no one can know what is going to be, what is coming

When i left my home, i was hoping, dreaming that the One that i thought was my destined one, to fly all the way here to get me back. Obviously he's not.
Watched the movie, Last Chance Harvey earlier, and had this kind of feeling, and what he said at the end of the movie, was really romantic & of cos dreamy
I personally think this phrase really works wonder, especially for a long distance relationship.. and my heart will definitely melt if someone said this to me too.. ;)

When Kate asked harvey how is the relationship going to work out when one is in london, while the other is in new york.. Harvey said..

"I have absolutely no idea, but i promise you that it will all work out."

I think for any relationship to work out, all it takes is faith & trust, and of cos both parties' effort to make it work. And this time, i really want to make it work by believing it will, whatever it is coming. ;)

These 2weeks of leisure has been really relaxing for me, ;)
Although i was kinda stuck in dublin, as i cant travel due to the overspending in april on flights in budapest & london, i was really grateful that i had the summer in dublin!
Unbelievably, i finally got a little colour in my skin, in dublin! LOL
Seriously, i was actualy contemplating of getting into the sunbed, but luckily i didnt. ;)
Having the fantastic sunshine, clear blue sky, i was suntanning in my bikini, in the park for almost 6days.
Looks like i have brought the sun into dublin! Cos i was always travelling out of dublin during this time of the yr, and for the last 2 yrs, i hav heard friends groaning & moaning abt the Summer Rain in dublin and they were counting the days too. LOL
But wel, of cos this great weather wont last long, just like wat the weather forecast had said, the rain wil b back towards the end of the week.. so yeap.. i am expecting the rain..
Im happy nw for as long as i am back to brown, and shld start planning to go somewhere in july / aug/ sept.. ;)

I really miss gettin on the plane!! although pauline has changed her mind in coming over to europe for 2weeks in july.. so, nw, i can start to look into plces wher i can go on my own.

Other than travel plans, i have so many other plans in my mind too.. just kinda waiting for a sign, waiting for the right time to make the final decision.. ;)

When has it become so difficult to say what i really feel, i dont know..
The world is changing all the time, people do too, as many would say..

I can still remember the real heartbreak i had.. was the breakup with kenneth..
5yrs relationship, was almost everything i had, everything i thought i had.
We thought we are the one meant for each other..
my 1st real relationship where sacrifices & changes were made, and was hoping that all will turn out the way that we want it to be, but it didnt.
Just like my element of AIR, i cannot be restrain.
Mayb we had started too young.
Mayb its actualy not reali meant to be.
Instead of growing together, we grew apart.
Sadly to say, the breaking up is not pleasant at all.
Just like the phrase goes, "You're Forgiven, but Not Forgotten"

The rest of the r/s that i had after that, were all short, and i was never really into the r/s..
till Chris.
Although it was only 6mths, but it was full & rich.

I know clearly hw i truly feel, but once again, denied everything.
Always giving myself the hard time & harshest way to forget things and to move on.
But honestly, i cant. Even after a yr, i still felt the same way.
No matter hw much or hw hard to convince myself, to keep my real feelings to myself, i guess it didnt work out the way i want it to be, or i thought it could be.

Gues, no matter hw much i have grown, my true self, the real me will still resurface no matter hw deep i had tried to bury it.

Yes, i had finally said what i realy feel. Now im really relieved.
No matter what it will turn out to be, i am proud to be true to my feelings, once again.

Are you afraid of dying?

A lot of people do. I can understand and know why are they afraid of it. People don't like to talk about it, don't want to think about it. People yearns to have a long life. Seriously, its really not about how long yr life is, but it's how u have lived yr life. The quality of life, not the quantity.
Same goes to the number of friends one has. Its the number of friends whom one can count on, can trust, not the number of 'friends' you have in yr telephone list, or in yr FB account.

One dying patient, who has been really difficult lately, is going through the denial stage and obviously afraid of death. Screaming, shouting at and for the nurses in every 5-10minutes, is no joke at all. Through my nursing career, this is the 2nd patient who is doing that. I can still remember my 1st patient on my 1st attachment as nursing student. Had this patient who was really rude, impatient, and was giving out to whoever was taking care of him. He was alone, no family, bled to death on my 3rd day of duty. I remembered that i was cursing him after my 2nd day with him as he was really giving me a very hard time then. When he passed away on the 3rd day, i felt so guilty for cursing him, wishing that i could take every word back, i was still a student, hot-headed gal, whom don't really know what was he going through then. I remembered him all these years, because he taught me a life lesson abt holding my temper, keeping my head cool.

This time round, this dying patient is almost the same like my 1st patient.. but is worse.. And i can say that i am proud of myself because i dealt with him more calmly, and i actually empathise with him, and i can understand what is he going through, and not 'cursing' him, and i didnt, well, couldnt raise my voice at him, not even once. But his main nurse was almost bursting in tears, that is why i helped to attend to him, even though i had my hands full with my confused patient. It was one of the worst day at work honestly. Not feeling good at all too, with a throbbing & tension headache for the whole day at work. But at the end of the day, i was glad to say that at least my colleague was appreciative for the help.

Of cos, there are people who are dying, are totally opposite. I had met some dying patients, who were really sweet too. Some liked it quiet, peaceful. Some were still making plans for their families.

What about you?
What will you do?
Have you even thought about it?
Would it change Your Life?

It has, for me.

So, nw this is my new pad, just 2 streets away frm the apartment actualy, and tat is also why i can move my things over by myself. During the move, my 'new best friend' is my bicycle! LOL when i was planning to move, i was actualy planning to use the shopping cart frm the supermarket to help carry my things.. but on the actual moving, i realised tat i can use my bicycle anyway! ;)

Small, but big enough for me. i had viewed a lot of plces before i came to this one, and i liked it at the 1st time.
Just like when i 1st saw coco (my dog), i loved him at the very 1st sight, and i have to get him, spending 4hours in the pet shop convincing my mum to let me get him ;) although i do wished tat he could be with me here in dublin, but its not goin to b an easy trip for him to b on the plane for more than 12hours.. and as i knw tat i wont b stayin in dublin for long, leaving him in spore wif my family is actualy the best n wise choice for the both of us.

So now, having this plce to myself, i can also actualy offer my couch to couchsurfers too. ;) after i reali get it all done up 1st, tat is

There's always mixed feelings when u r moving hse.. Although i had been tinking of moving out since last yr, but there's always something tats holdin me back, or im always busy with something else and moving out is always at the bottom on my list.



But finally, i had found a plce tat i can stay on my own, and moving out this time is not an easy as i moved in. ;)

still, i managed to move my stuffs with minimal help frm anyone, i moved almost all my stuffs on my own! it is till this day tat i admit tat i do hav some characteristics frm my mum!! we tend to do things on our own, dun usually ask for help, unless we really need it. if we can do it by ourselves, we'll do it. so, yea, im pretty proud of myself tat i did it on my own, wel, abt 90% of the moving. ;)



Of cos, before officially giveing back the keys to the agent, i spent a few moments in the empty apartment where i had stayed for almost 2yrs in dublin. lots of memories in it.. wif chris, aunty mary, chermaine, lily, ting, whom had 'stayed' wif me when they were here in dub :)



These are the teddy bears which i left behind.. although they were all presents for me, and i usualy dun throw away presents frm pple. but this time, i would hav to, cos i wouldnt b bringin them back to spore when i eventually leave dub anyway, so might as wel, dump them nw then to bring them over to the new plce.



My fav plce of the apt is not my room, but the balcony. ;) It is where i can get a beautiful view of the mountains, where i would sit at when the sun is shining bright on it.. where i sometimes stood on it and admire the dark starry & quiet night. the day when i left, the sun was shining, and i spent my last moments in the apt sitting at the balcony. ;)

I found myself justifying my decision that i have made today, which i find it rather weird as i seldom do tat.
Maybe because i felt a little guilty for rejecting the offer
But i still did. ;) and im glad i had.
Was supposed to work today, but one of the staff who is suppose to be on leave, turned up for work stil, so we r overstaffed. Not wanting to be deployed out to other plce, 1 of us can take the leave instead. None of them wants to take the leave, mainly because its public holiday today, so its double pay, and of cos work will not b that busy, who doesnt want this kind of deal? Wel, obviously not me. Since no one wants to take the leave, i took it, mainly because i AM really tired. So, cycled back home.

Just got home for abt 10mins, got a call frm the ward, and asked me if i want to go back to hosp to work in the ICU, as they are short of staffs, will b working as bank shift, which also means more pay, but, i just cycled to n fro to hosp! She mentioned that one of them might b pulled out to the ICU if they couldnt get any1. Wel, seriously, if im in charge, in the 1st plce, i would ask the staff who suppose to b on leave to go home, instead of asking someone else to go when she doesnt want to. its her fault for not checkin the roster. So, overstaffed, the one who wil get deployed wil b the staff who is suppose to b on leave. cos she is not suppose to b in the ward anyway. So, if icu need staff, she can go there. But i also know that none of them wants to go to ICU. Usually i would jump to the opportunity to be deploy to ICU, but not this time. They know tat too. Honestly, i dont want to be taken advantage anymore by these pple.

There are so many times when i had helped them so much and in the end, when i needed one, they just feigned ignorance. Too many times! So, now, i think i am too frustrated working with these kind of pple that i really dont want to be bothered. I know too, that there are always these kind of pple anywhere. So when i was justifying my decision for not going back to hosp to work, i was like "why do i want to care if any of them will be pulled out to ICU?" Should i even b bothered? No, i seriously dont want to.

So, with the grey weather in dublin, the best way to spend the day with the exhausted body and mind, is to stay in. And so, i did. I slept from 10am - 6pm!! This shows hw tired i am, hw much rest i need!!

Now, im happy!! Its right not to work, even when it means more money.
Money cant buy health!! ;) anyway, if i do work today, the pay wil b taxed n i will only b gettin a small fraction of it, so y bother?

I have this sudden urge of going back home.. i feel exhausted, totally burnt out.
This feeling of wanting to stop has been bugging me on and off
Feeling of tiredness of travelling the world suddenly came to me
This is bothering me now
Guess my body is telling me to stop n rest as the episodes of palpitation is getting more frequent
Maybe its because i'll be going to london soon, for the Singapore Day in London, that is causing me to miss home more
I know i do missed being home with friends & family, especially when looking through pics of gatherings being organised at home and im not there
I know i do want to spend more time with my dog, Coco. Especially after watching Marley & Me, and 10 Promises to my dog.. made me miss him a lot more. & Knowing that he might not have a lot of time with us, made me feeling so guilty for being away from home for 2yrs, and this is going to be my 3rd yr in dublin.
I hope to be around to see my nephew, Jaden, my godson, Kayden & Goddaughter, Xylvia grow up. Im glad that my sis has got a webcam nw(finaly) and i can see him and my sis online.
Maybe i should slow down, but i kept feeling that i dont have much time
I know that i have always wished that i dont have a long lifespan, cos i dont want to be left behind, being the last one to go.. but i dont reali want to be the 1st one to go too
Like i told Annie before, at my funeral, i dont want my family & friends to be wearing black.
White is my favourite. I love colours. I want white lilies for my funeral. and my funeral will be done up like a photo gallery, where it will display my fav pics tat i have taken, with family, friends, travel.
There are times when i asked myself, what's my real purpose in life. I dont reali knw yet.
I am grateful for everything that has happened to me, for me & with me
For all whom i have met, known and loved, im thankful for all the memories, lessons that you have given me.
I would say that i have no regrets so far for all the decisions that i have made in my life.

So now, "What would you change if you can turn back time?"

Nothing.

After 2 weeks of annual leave, travelling to Amsterdam & Budapest, now im back to working schedule. Guess getting back to the reality is always not an easy task.

Through these trips, i'd learned something more abt myself, got to know pple more. And i totally agree to this phrase saying that, 'There are some friends whom you cant travel with' and
'Travelling can either break the friendship or bond it more'

For my travel, i love to do things on my own, at my pace, with no tourguide. I like to roam ard the city with a map, finding my way ard, which i dont always have any prob as i wil always read abt the city b4 i go on the trip. Sometimes, i will go to the city without doing any homework, and just see what i can get/see along the way.

Weather is also very impt during travel too! Amsterdam is the 2nd city that was raining for the days that i was there, Prague was the 1st. I love Sun, dun mind the snow, but not rain!! !!
I loved the rain when back in singapore, but not in Europe! That is something that i love n hate!!
So, wil prob go back to Amsterdam again, if i can, to really see the city & the real Holland. ;)
and i can skip the red light district part, as i have seen enough, cos thats prob the area that im quite familiar with, after stayin near ther for the 3nights when we're there.

Cant realli write too much nw, cos im tryin to concentrate, but mind is running all over the plce.

I don't remember when was the last time i wrote about the ugly side of people, or when was the last time i was upset about it. Honestly, i had known well enough n good enough not to be upset, but this time, it is different, because i had never thought he would even twist the fact to people whom i also know. I am now even making sure that i am not writing in abbreviations, because this fellow cant even spell properly.. and he might even read this, and i do hope he does too!

To cut the story short - i will just put dwn the facts then. And in fact, i am going to be brutally honest about what i feel then.

- I initiate the break-up

- i prefer my man to be clean shaven & clean looking

- he is too immature

- he thinks he is the best dancer in belfast (in 2007)

- he thinks he knows everything in this world

- the relationship was only about 2months

- broke up with him about 1-2 weeks after valentines day 2007

- i was already bored, frustrated, can't stand him before valentines

- i LIED to him about the reason for the breakup

- its NOT because i was stil in love with Willy

- No one who is smart, will say bad or negative things about his teammates, unless you want to

be out of the team.

There are lots of other things that happened after the breakup, but i don't have to go into that.

I might have said these to Channey & Rebecca, but not to anyone else in the dublin salsa scene. But of cos now, i am blogging it, which also means openly, to whoever is reading this.

When i remain silent, it doesn't mean that you can bully me, in any way that you think you can.
Do not even ever try again, to say things that are not true.
Do not say anything when you don't even know anything about it.

And honestly, calling yourself as sexym@#%#, i think it is the funniest joke ever!
A lot of people think the same way as I do, fyi.

P.S - fyi = for your information
just in case you don't know what it is. ;)

Tampere - my 2nd experience of couchsurfing, With Heikki (the guy with specs) & Jonna

















Brought me to the frozen lake, and you can actually see how thick is the snow then.
I think this is very cool n amazing, when we're actually walkin on the lake! i can imagine looking upon the same lake, in the summer. tat is awesome!

Lots of pple went to the lake, skating, skiing, with their dogs, kids with their sleighs, sleds.. ther's also a mobile cafe at the middle of the lake where we got our hotdogs & my hot chocolate. This whole lake is so big that it actualy felt lke i was @ the snow desert. ;)

This is Jonna, Heikki's galfren. Had a great time with her, although it was heikki whom i wrote to in couchsurfing. ;) A very patient, fun, chatty gal!




























Walking through the 'snow desert' to the Sauna plce, which is kinda at the other end of the lake. i think we were walking through the lake for prob 30mins. It is really no joke to walk on the snow!! Wel, its really a form of good exercise, Jonna said its gd for the calves. ;)




















































The biggest adventure / challenge of my life so far!!! Jumping into the frozen lake!!!
And i am totally proud of myself cos i did it 3 times!! !! !!
I was hesitant initially honestly, when jonna & heikki asked me if i can dip into the pool when we were in the sauna. I thought to myself, " wel, this is prob / mayb goin to b my 1st & last time to hav that experience, so just do it!" Out in the snow frm the sauna only with my bikini, it didnt feel tat cold, and i was holding onto Jonna's arm while walkin to the pool. After my 1st dip in the pool, i was sure that i wouldnt want to do it again. But when we were in the sauna the 2nd time, and it was time to get out of the heat, Jonna asked again - "Do u want to go to the pool or do u want to try to rol on the snow. I prefer to roll on the snow." Rolling on the snow with my bikini, u must b kidding! So i opt to go into the pool again! and nw, it was fun! so in the end, i dipped into the frozen lake 3 times, instead of once. LOL
So Pat on my back!! Heikki & Jonna were proud of me too! :)

Just a couple of pics of helsinki, for nw, as these are frm my digital camera. Hav not upload my pics frm my baby yet!

Spent a day in helsinki on my own, walked around the city with the map, and its really easy to walk ard on yr own. just like wat the lonely planet book said. ;)

Went to have a buffet dinner at a local restaurant which is recommended by the book, tried the reindeer meat! ;) Taste like a little like pork n beef.. wel, its not too bad honestly.

Then, also went for a sauna which is also highly recommended by the book, so went to check out the plce. It is great, but didnt take any pics of it, as all of us who were at the sauna, were naked, ;)

A really gd experience overall in helsinki, having the time n space of my own to do wat i want.

Finally hav the chance to update my blog! Was working on a week of nights right after i got back from finland! :)

Here, is Mr Santa & me ;)

This is my couchsurf host in Rovaniemi, Pia ;)

Singapore sign post at Santa Claus Village ;)

Giant snowman @ Santa claus village

This is actually a shop gift house. took this pic boc of the 'sun' :)

Very soon, my 5days in finland is coming to an end, but i am already feeling that i can live in the freezing cold.

ROVANIEMI

My first 2 nights were spent in Rovaniemi, with my couchsurfing host, Pia. A lovely, friendly, warm lady who made vegetable soup for me on the day i arrived on the train from tampere. Although her plce is a little messy, but its the artsy, bohemian style of mess, that i think its reali cool & i believe that i will b kinda like tat too, if i was to continue on being an Arts student, i can see a little bit of me in her. ;)

Rovaniemi is indeed a small town with its own flavour & the main reason why tourists are there, is bcos of the Santa Claus Village, right at the artic circle. Of cos, im there bcos of that too! I was little surprised to see a lot of japanese tourists were there, and the finnish themselves. The funny part was when i was in the queue to 'see' Santa, there were 4 old ladies, prob in their 70s, were in the queue too!! i guess the pic wil turn out reali good as they wil look like they are one family, brother & sisters.

After being in the Santa Claus Village during the day, met up with my host, Pia, and went to a dance aerobic class with her. Learned a routine for Samba & Paso Doble. Although it is only for an hour, and it cost me only 5euros, i felt great! ;) AFter the class, we went into the sauna, just in the ladies room.

Hw i loved Sauna!! it was perfect!! And had my 1st experience of being totally nude in the sauna with others gals... it was a little uneasy at 1st, but its so common here for the finnish. after i settled on my spot in the sauna, i couldnt care less anymore. It is the real sauna!!!!! ;)

Wil post the pictures later, when i get back in dublin. Wil be working on night shifts for the whole week again when i go back on mon.. and wil b on 2weeks leave soon, and im looking forward to the 2weeks as i will b meeting Lily at Amsterdam!! My travelling companion!! :) So wil definitely sort out the pics of Finland ASAP!!

Til then, wil write abt helsinki after this. ;)

Someone had reminded me of myself (in the past) recently and has made me appreciate, love & treasure my BEST FRIENDS!! (u knw who u r)

Her hyperactive, overly-intense character had become too much for me to bear, that i had to really withdraw frm her for awhile, even for just a couple of hours.
I love her for who she is, she is definitely a really very sweet, great gal. I have always enjoy her company & seriously, one of my good friends here in dublin. Someone whom i know i can depend on as well.
But, being with her continously for 3-4days, tat was really getting too much for me.. .. Too hyper!!

It reminds me of hw i have 'tortured' my best friends, especially those who have knwn me for the last 15years.. Nw, i understood when they kept sayin that i was too hyper, and i didnt really thought they really meant it.. and prob that's y i hav so many different grp of friends, cos i am simply all over the plce..

Nw, being here in dublin, has made me more grounded, laid back, and wel, i have learned hw to channel my hyper energy to something else, and not onto someone else!

To my best friends - Thanks for all the support, care, love & patience that u have showered on me for all these years. Just a little note here in my personal blog to say my heartfelt gratitude to you, my dearest friends who have come a long way with me, who have helped me to b a better me. ;)

And finally, the video of our performance in london SOS anniversary

Almost done wif all the uploads & update nw!! gotta get all done b4 i go on my finland trip!

Nw, its the pics of Poland, we were at this touristic little ski resort / town called Zakopane. ;) 1st time meetin up wif Ting's friends, 1st time @ a ski resort,
1st time gettin my snowboarding class, 1st time takin pics of a wild fox.. .. and 1st time for finishing reading a book, Revolutionary road. ;) hav never read a book tat fast, its reali a great book.

i've always wanted to b in a plce wif real snow, and yes, finally i had experienced it n i loved it. ;)

only took few pics when in london wif my salsa grp. the main purpose for this trip is for salsa, and i did have loads of great dances wif the guys in london. it was unforgettable! esp the spicy, intimate & sexy bachata dance wif one of the guys who r in one of the performing grp for the night. hahahhahahaha.

Sis was askin me when i called her last wkend to wish her a hapy birthday, "So where are u nw? stil in london?" " No, im back in dublin already", so i said. "Y didnt u update yr blog? I Dun knw where u r at nw, only knew tat u r traveling n traveling."

Sorry!! ;) Just realised tat i hav kinda stop updating blog wif all the trash, nonsense stuffs that's goin on my wandering mind & heart.

The beginning of the new 2009, has indeed made one of my dreams come true. Snow experience. This time, it was gettin a little too much though.. lol
1st wkend was at poland, then following wkend @ london, then in dublin!

It was great to have the snow in poland, zakopane, as i need the snow in order to get my 1st snowboarding class.
2nd time was in london, wif my salsa team. We were ther to hav our 'debut' performance in london. Snowed on Sunday, then our flight on monday early morning 0625hrs, was cancelled due to the heavy snow. We were already sitting in the plane, tinking we could b lucky to b able to b back in dublin by mon, as few of us were suppose to go to work after tat. Announcement were made after 30mins sitting in the plane saying that the flight is cancelled and we hav to go bk to the arrival hall. When we had finally rebooked our ticket back to dublin, it was already in the noon. By the time when we got back into the hotel, i fell asleep once my head touched the pillow. i was totally wrecked, cos we didnt have any decent sleep for the whole wkend while in london, as we were dancing n stayin up late, wakin up early. But stil, it is beautiful in london with the snow.
Then back in dublin, there were Not much snOw left when we got back on tues evening. it was a pity not being able to see the snow in dublin, as it has not been snowing for AGES! But, it was snow storming on Sun early morning! woke up at 8am on sunday and saw the snow blizzard, called mum n got her online, and was showing her the snowing scene via the webcam LOL
i was having my PJs on, and was takin my mini laptop to my balcony to show her the view, it was FREEZING!! !!

So for 3 consecutive weeks, i have seen & experienced Snow. I have come to the conclusion, tat i do prefer Snow than Rain. but of cos, Sun is stil my best friend. ;)

Nw, 2more weeks to go, and i'll b goin to finland. Another Snowy plce. there wil stil b snow ther (i tink)
Have to start readin up the plces tat i want to go, see and plan my initerary ;)

So long nw then (Sis), wil try to upload some pics soon here

Leaving the buzz in singapore, i was kinda glad that i was back in dublin, but nw thinking back, i brought the buzz back with me though!
Have been busy, and didnt reali hav much rest that i wanted to have, but prob bcos knowing that my time in europe is ticking away, makes me want to do everything at the same time.. back to my own self.. tryin to squeeze everything in a day..

but the 1st thing that i wanna do when i was back in dublin, is to watch all the movies! had to compensate the lost 1mth of no movies when in spore!! wel, only watched 1 movie, the bolt, with my cousin when in spore.. ;)

then it was work, meetin up wif frens, dancing, the usual stuffs.. n of cos, planning n booking tickets for holiday(s).. nw, almost my whole yr of 2009 is kinda planned out, hoping everything wil go smoothly for me (fingers crossed) ;)

wil b heading out to krakow, poland on thurs morning, and this is my 1st trip for this yr!
honestly, im feeling excited, but nervous at the same time.. cos this is not the usual type of travel trip tat i always hav.. this time round, wil b just stayin at a ski resort at zakopane, i wil b havin my ever 1st snowboarding class!! excited bcos of tat, cos snowboarding is one of the things that i wanted to try since 2006! nervous, bcos i dun reali knw wat to expect / do when at the resort.. reali feel like goin into krakow town for a day, to at least see the city.. but reali looking forward to b in the snow!

and this is goin to b my 1st White Chinese New Year!! although all i hav been dreaming, is to have a white xmas....... LOL

No breaking of any part of me, cos wil b goin to london for salsa on the wkend after poland!! !!
No Funny stunts n no herioc acts please, Angie!!!!