As the day is drawing near for my sweet boyfriend to be here, the idea of having him over here, meetin my family and friends... i realised that i am starting to get cold feet....... (again)
I supposed to be very excited.. but i am very calm now... i remembered that whenever i used to get all excited about something/someone.. it always turned out bad... so as time goes, i have slowly changed that hyperexcitement to the super calmness... even in this relationship.. i am playing super cool too... keepin it low profile... just the total opposite from what i used to be/do...
honestly, im not sure how this is going to work this time.. but i do hope its all for the best, for the both of us..

I had the brilliant chance just now, to tell my beloved granny about me dating this sweet lovely irish guy... but i couldnt even say it out... not because im afraid that she would disapprove of it.. its just that i dun want her to be disappointed if things didnt work out in the later part (which of cos i hope not).. maybe its just not the right time yet to tell her... its just not the right time to tell the family yet.. especially my ever-scrutinizing mum.. there's stil abt 1mth left.. i'll just have to wait til the day is comin near...

Sometimes i do feel that i must have been born on the wrong side of the world
Sometimes, being different from the typical girls that i've known since growing up, its not easy to to be myself one hundred percent..
Sometimes, i do think that i have this multiple personality disorder, of course not in the destructive way.. :) but in a good way..
Good in the sense that i have different group of friends whom loved the side ofme when im with them.. it does kinda balance my personalities ;)

How easy does one person fall in love with another?
What about falling out of love?
Given the exposure of all the temptations that are out there.. how long can one person restrain hiimself from falling into the trap?

Just like what i told one of my BFF, A, I know i can trust him, that's why i can do the long distance with him.
In the past r/s, it has all been the other one that i was with, who betrayed me, and so i did the same thing too.
Someone said, " When two people are together, it can either bring the best of each other or the worst"

Im not saying that all the past relationship has brought out the devilish me, its more of the circumstances that brought it out.

I have almost forgot about the idealistic part of me on relationship, especially after being through with the not-so-good ones.. ..

but this time, and the one before this, is slowly reminding myself of what i used to believe. . .

When two people are truly in love with each other, they will have to brave through all the dangers, storms, earthquakes together, by believing in each other and themselves.

As much as i dont really wanna admit to it, but i cant deny it too, about last night, and what i feel and think.. i did had a great night out with an old friend of mine, had my 1st beer after so long, dressing up n feeling great, it does brings back lots of good memories n feelings of being single n available, being in the field of the game of love.. The Good, Old, Wild Days..

Of course, i am already not like what i used to be, although we all knew there's always this wild side of me, in me somewhere. Everyone grows up, and so did i.

Being with someone now, who is an idealist, romantic in heart & so simple, someone whom i was like, before the wild, rebellious side of me was released, and got into the world of all temptations.. has made me more grounded than before, and careful of not falling into any of the traps of these temptations.. This is going to be a real test of perseverance, patience, trust, understanding, all in the name of true love.

I just hope that this time, there is no single dishonesty or lies in between us, from the beginning till the end.

I think and I feel that i might have already get onto another track, that i have not really fully realised it till now. . .
but of course, after now, that i had woke up from my own dream,
i am actually glad that im on this track.

I love every minute that we had spent together,
even til this moment when we are both in different countries, different continent, different time,
the way he makes me laugh, our small conversations, even to the tiniest details of the times that we had. . . it is heartwarming.

It is good to know and feel that he really loves me, and maybe i am really that important to him. just 6more weeks to go.. and i am excited to have him over here, even just for 3weeks. . .

Family time is slowly becoming important as i grow up, especially after being living away from home..
Just by being home, just having a simple dinner on a saturday evening.. all these simple things made me happy now.
I have always been a very easily content, easy to please person.
I am glad to have my family and my friends here. ;)

I wonder why some would think that i am not that strong. . .
although i do understand that they just want to protect me from the hurt that i would have. . .
but honestly, what is really good for me.. is to just tell me the truth. . .
let it hurt me now, then to be late. . .
and so that i can get over with it sooner, than later. . .
all i want is to hear it from you personally, so that i wont spend the time hoping, wishing. . .
and to actualy spend time to heal my wound, as it has always been. . .

Somehow, thanks for at least telling me (now) still. . .
although everytime i think of Japan, you comes into my mind. . .
you will always be there somewhere in there. . .
even till the day when it doesnt hurt anymore. ;)

There's always this saying, 'The best is always the one that you can't have'
Guess there is some truth in it :)
Sometimes, no matter how deep you try to bury the feelings down in the heart,
no matter how hard you have tried to let it all go,
somehow, it still hurts..
Let time heal the wounds, and it will not hurt anymore.

Finally the chapter is closed, but i wasnt expecting it to hurt so much, all over again...

It is never easy to mend a broken heart,
Never easy to let go of someone whom u really loved,
But when its time to let go.. or when the one whom you loved has already let you go,
U know the time is here.

Things always happen for a reason, and i still believed that..

Somehow, the time has come.

Time to close the door completely, and open the other.

I once used to imagine how my ideal man should be, like, he must be taller than me, older than me, not more than 4years, someone who has his own ambition, inspiration, sporty, humourous, smart etc etc..
and i did went out with these so call ideal guys and loved them.. but i ended up being hurt each and everytime.. the biggest fall i had was the 5yrs relationship with whom i almost wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. someone whom i have changed myself so much that i dont know myself anymore. someone whom had betrayed my trust behind my back, maybe many times that i dont really know as i had not ever faced it. All these betrayal, hurt that i have experienced through my growing up days.. had made me stronger, and more sure of what kind of person i want to be with, and somehow in a way that i dont get into a relationship that easily too..

Trust has to be earned, from me, in this case. In friends, yes, that can be easy. But to be with me, its not so easy anymore.

When im away from home, i really found this someone whom i really want to spend my life with. Age was not a problem when we started. But as time went by, and things are slowly getting a little serious, i got cold feet.. i was watching the movie, Rebound, and it reminded me of what i was scared of.. i remembered telling him that he should be doing things that what usually people around his age should be doing, travelling round the world etc.. and not settling down with me etc.. it was almost the same with what the movie was showing... Hah! It was kinda weird..
Im glad the movie ended good. although im not too sure about my future, but im glad we still managed to keep the friendship.

And now, being in this new relationship, with someone who is younger, by 3years, instead of 8years.. everything is going on pretty well. Though it is now a long distance relationship, which is going to be so much tougher.. gues, other than hardwork, trust, and patience, Love & Fate & Destiny will reveal my Mr Right when the time is right. :)