There's always things in life that is unexplainable, especially death
The sudden death of Lee, has indeed caught everyone of us in shock
and it has also made me ponder abt alot of things too

It was reali hard for all of us to take in the news..
and i had such an urge to call C, just wanna hear his voice, and to tell me that everything is ok
really wished that he is around, to give me a hug, just to hold me, be there for me

Walked down grafton street tonite and the xmas lightings were already out..
and it reminds me of C again
Last yr, we were happily in love, walking dwn the beautiful lighted up grafton st, and took couple of pics of it..

looking upon the stars in the sky.. it reminded me of hw we were always walkin back to my plce frm the city, and the star that he had 'given' me..

is this some kind of joke that GOD is playing on me?
to start losing the person whom i love
to take away people who is bigger than life, like Lee, Aunty May

this time when im going back to spore, it wil b different frm the last time
cos C wont b sending me to the airport, and neither would he be fetching me at the airport when im coming back
i honestly, dun knw why would i stil want to come back, but i have to
wanted to just give him a call and to tel him that i stil love him, but i wouldnt
he wil b leaving to japan soon, and telling him that wont change anything abt it
and cos i knw he doesnt, wouldnt feel the same way for me anymore

i need to get away.. .. for a long time
5weeks.. i seriously dun even think its ever enough..
im kinda more looking forward to 2010 though, than 2009
or mayb i shldnt be left alone, cos that is when my mind starts to rewind n running wild
just like nw.. talkin crap again, goin to b 2am
my last weekend in dublin for 2008

i hav some scary feelings, but wont put it dwn here, cos i hav to reassure myself that everything is going to be ok, and im going to b fine, and i wil b back in dublin for the new yr.
and yes, i will hav to tel myself that.

http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1084560/British-salsa-dance-champion-killed-horror-crash-Spain-celebrating-24th-birthday.html

Stil cant believe tat it is true.. that such a great young talented lad is gone..
For one who has such great personality, big heart, free spirit young man.. who just turned 24..
to tink tat he will be taken away just like tat..

For every heart he has touched, in every single way, he will be missed by all

i think, after hearing this sad news, it gets all of us to tink.
Why? What? When? How? Where?

All the questions that involved Lee's accident
All the questions about Life, Living, Purpose in One's life

What is yr purpose in your Life?

The yr is coming to an end soon, and right nw, im counting dwn to the days that i'll be goin back to spore for my 5weeks of holidays!

looking forward to the trip back home, cos ther's a lot of things tats awaiting for me!
like my sister's delivery of her baby son aka my 1st nephew
then is 1 of my best friend's wedding, Christyne & Jason
then my 1week of vietnam trip
and of cos not forgetting meetin up wif my close friends,
and my 1st week back in spore, is already filling up, i know its kinda fast to hav be fully booked but wel, gues, im just a real busy gal! lol

ther r pics to upload, and tat's goin to take sometime for me to reali want to do tat.. wil try to do it b4 i go home.. i tink i reali hav to.. :(

My 2nd solo trip of the yr - Cote d' Azur, where i had covered Nice, Cannes & Monaco.

Nw, truly believed that everything happens for a reason, and this unplanned planned trip to Nice has really been a very refreshing & re-energise trip.

Those who knew me well, would have no difficulty to understand why i love this place, and hw this trip has made me feel so much better now.

Just received the bad news frm my godmum regarding the death of Aunty May..
The last time i saw her was prob 2-3yrs ago, and she was still healthy & happy.. got to knw tat she has cancer abt 1-2yr ago, and has always been praying for her although i am so far away frm home. Hav been following up abt her progress frm my godmum ever since her diagnosis of cancer, and recently it just got worse, when her body is failing her.

This is what i dreaded most, even though i am workin as a nurse, and have seen all these many times.. but.. when it is happening to my close ones, to those whom i reali knw in person, in life, i stil cant handle it myself, and i knw im not strong to handle tat too...

The thing that i dreaded most, is to see (know) the deterioration of one's health.. witnessing the slow death of one.. somehw, im glad that i am not in spore to go through this, but i hav a stronger feeling of wishing tat i am back in spore to go through this wif them...

Glad in a way, that she is not suffering anymore, and that she's back in GOD's arms, and all of us know tat she is happy nw. At least, they were all there when she's going..

This strong negative emotions is gettin on fast n strong on me tat, now im feelin sick.. and the freezing weather is not helpin me either..

losing someone in life is never an easy task.. cos i had lost that someone, and i knw hw much it reali hurts.. and hw deep is the wound... no matter hw hard i try to put it back together, i realised its stil there..

i may seemed to hav gettin on pretty well, but hav i??

Im Still At the Same Place, Waiting, Wishing, Hoping.. ..

Is this Hw its goin to be.. ?
Is this hw its going to end??
Is this hw its supposed to be???

Its amazing hw the yr has gone flashing by, and nw its going to be the end of Sept, and just one more month to go for my bday. Didnt imagine tat i would be on my own for this yr bday though.. it was hard to take, but i knw i hav to b strong. But seriously, tinking back, i stil tink im fortunate & lucky enough to have gone through all these, all the good, happy & sad, heartbreaking events. Im stil a human being with feelings!!!!!!

Every yr for my bday, i always make a point to buy something for myself, (wel, i buy things for myself everytime, anytime i can actualy) hmm, not the usual shopping stuffs tat i would get for myself of cos! Birthday present for myself is definitely more expensive than the usual shopping! ;)

Due to lots of changes in my life for the past few mths.. i didnt reali hav the time / energy to reali tink abt this yr bday.. So at the last minute deal i can get for my bday - is to go to Frankfurt for 3days, and of cos, flying off on my bday itself, right after my night shift as well.. couldnt go away for the whole week, cos im expecting a gd friend frm spore to come and visit me during the week too, so hav to b in dublin for the rest of the week..

Ther'r so many things tat i wanna get for myself at the same time too.. but gues, would hav to wait for me to b back in spore to get them myself.. Not expecting any of my friends or family to get them for me, cos they are actualy reali quite expensive.

My list of things to get
- Mini Laptop (Asus EEE-PC 701) i simply fall in love with the pink version!!
- Portable hard drive
- 4 port USB
- New mobile, preferably a smartphone like Nokia E71
- Sony T300
- Accessories for my baby, Canon 400D, like external flash, battery grip etc.. .. ..

Have to realli decide which one is most impt, the most tat i need. . . .

Right now, how i wished i am still working in Spore, cos i can get some of the stuffs with the bonus tat i would get at the end of the yr, and prob would hav got some of it too by nw, with the bonus tat we would get for June... sigh.....

But of cos, i stil count my blessings to be here instead, cos having the opportunity to travel ard here.. .. wel, gues thats the main reason why i am goin to b stil here.. in a way or another..

I Love OCTOBER, simply because im born in the month of OCT!! !! !! ;)