It could be all my past bad experiences in love r/s tat makes me so insecure abt the game of love..
It could be the darkest hideous scar in my heart that cause all my insecurities..
When its time when i am supposed to be the happiest person in love.. then i would want to give it up, and dont dare to go on with it..

honestly, the memory of my 21st bday stil haunts me til now..
It was suppose to be one of my most memorable day in my life.. i thought it was.. it was one of my happiest moments in life..luckiest gal in the world..
but many mths later then i found out.. i was the stupidiest gal in the world.. cos my then long term, serious bf has actualy been cheatin on me.. that was the most heartbreaking unforgettable memory in my life..

Even though it was so long ago.. but this deep hidden scar has never been recovered.. no matter how deep i had tried to hide.. but stil, it always resurfaced, no matter how.. tat is why i am so afraid of love..

Always felt that i dont deserve to be loved, or love again..
but who is to judge, who deserves to b love, who deserves to be happy..

C once told me.. I Got to know gd pple, make gd friends, bcos of whom i am..
J once mentioned.. Positive energy attracts positive pple..

Right now.. i dun know when the negative energy been surrounding me, its greyish all over..
Prob im fallin back into depression mode without realising it..

The Sun is Out today.. and so should i..
I shld b out in the sun, gettin all my sunshine, positive energy back into my grey life now..

This is only the 1st mth of the year, and ther's already lots of things are goin on over here, and to b honest.. i am reali CONFUSED & gettin a little frustrated wif myself now.. .. ..
thinking tat things wil go smoothly this yr as the 3 of us hav our own goals n resolution for the yr but juz after our berlin trip, C found out tat she might laid off frm her company n she has to look for another job.. she didnt wan to move out of dublin juz yet, as she is reali happy for here n tings were goin on very wel for her. and now, she juz started to date, thus stayin here..

but as for me.. i wan to move out of dublin, every1 knows my plan of moving out before i came back to dublin.. but now.. i hav a little change of plan.. and tat is y now... i am confused, distracted n frustrated... argh.. so annoying!!

I dun know y or how it comes abt.. juz when i finaly got my offer of the permament contract frm the hospital, my heart starts to sway a little... reali hav to make the right decision to sign on the contract or not.. suddenly, i hav the desire, the urge to NOT sign on the perm contract.. so tat i can get the paid ticket to go back to singapore at the end of my contract! not reali as if i wan to save on that money to get the ticket myself to go back singapore this yr.. its jzu tat, i am reali starting to tink of goin back to singapore.. despite of my love of travelling n being away n independent now.... i juz hav such stronger feelings of goin back this time...

and everytime i tink of wat my mum asked me b4 i fly back to dublin.. my heart juz breaks..
and i felt so guilty, upset wif myself when i remembered the disappointed look on her face when i told her tat i didnt wan to come back to spore in the few yrs to come.. she asked me if i reali hav a hard time being back in spore.. i dun remember answering tat Qn.. cos i didnt know how to.. i dun hav difficulty adjusting myself back in spore, its juz tat, i reali love the freedom tat i hav now, n havin such flexible time @ work, n travelling.. i hav never travel so much in my life in a yr!! n honestly, i reali reali loved it..

ther's one point of time when i reali wished tat i am SINGLE so tat i dun hav to worry abt/ tink abt/ talk to chris abt this.. juz like wat i used to say... LOVE COMPLICATES LIFE SOMETIMES..

Lily has been reminding me abt this.. and a few others as well.. the need to talk over this matter wif chris, if we r serious abt each other.. but.. we've juz only started this r/s a couple of mths.. this is becoming a little tough for me to make up my mind to b honest.. i reali would love to go to the states.. but startin to contemplating of going back to singapore or to australia, at least Aust is nearer to home.. but Aust doesnt reli attract to me as much as US..

Reali prayin tat i would have some enlightenment on wat shld i choose.. wat path shld i take..
the stupid rain now is definitely not going to b a great help now.. damn rain!

1st trip in this new yr, 2008, i went to berlin wif my galfrens, channey & rebecca who else... to tink tat the trip was oreadi booked in nov, and we're all excited abt it, when we finally meet up back in dublin after the holiday season of dec when we all went back to our HOME respectively. ;)

Another city full of history but bcos we were only ther for a couple of days, we couldnt go to all the plces in berlin.

This is also the 1st trip for me to bring my new Baby, Canon400D. Finally i have got my 'professional camera' frm singapore, and wel, i was alreadi contemplating of gettin it ever since in nov, after my NY boston trip. so as usual, once i start to tink abt wat i want, i usualy would get it, no matter wat's the price.. kekkkeeke.. and although i hav to use up almost all my money to get the camera, lol but hey, money well spent definitely!

Berlin - although the weather sucks on sat, juz like juz another day in dublin, and needless to say... COLD... but stil being out of dublin, tat thought reali wins over the cold weather.. ;p
on our last night in berlin, we went to one of the danceclubs in this city and were dancing the whole nite away.. and it seems that it was a long time ago since i last did tat.. dancing the whole nite away... not salsa this time.. couldnt reali check out the salsa scene in berlin due to the time constraint, and to tink tat the 2 of them dun salsa, but stil, tat obviously didnt stop me frm enjoyin and dancing away. ;p

these are the pics tat was taken wif my Baby @ the airport, when i hav to leave singapore for dublin... family and friends who came to see me off once again.. but this time, ther's no more tears but smiles.. not because they love to see me go, but this time its bcos we all know when is my next trip back, so tat reali helps a lot!
and of cos, not forgetting that i would see my mum much earlier in the yr as she is planning (or reali wanting) to come over to dublin for a visit!! and she'l b coming over wif one of my aunt and uncle. ;) SWEET!! this is goin to b her 1st long flight trip and to come over so far.. i know it is exciting for her too!! Gotta plan all the initeraries, trips for us to go too!!!! WOOOHHH, i am gettin excited juz by thinkig of tat now!! ;)

going to the 3rd of Jan 2008... and finally having the chance of writing in my blog... Geez.. wat hav i been doing?? and gues wat.. its going to b 2am now.. my last nite posting again..

wel, lets turn back the time and go back to yr 2007 1st.. late nite is always gd to do some reflections, as it is quiet, calm (if its not raining)

I was (stil am) grateful and thankful for all the great things that hav happened, and all the gd friends tat i hav made over here in dublin. Gues putting and getting all over things in singapore is one of the best thing in my life, and honestly, reali hav thank willy for tat when i come to think abt it. although i do admit ther r times when i do tink of him, but i know im no longer hangin on or waiting.

Gettin to know channey and rebecca here, and started to my travelling dream, is already more than i hav ever dream of.. wel, i hav never ask for it either though.. ever since i came here, all i ever pray and ask for is for the gd health and happiness for every of my family and friends back home. Another dream of mine came true when i got the chance to b in the salsa performance team wif helen and other reali nice and gd dancers in dublin. And of cos, last but not least, gotta know chris and then.. finaly, i fell in love, or i shld say, We fell in love.. lol

the best is yet to come, after travelling to london, portugal, norway, barcelona, rome, paris, new york and boston in yr 2007, the last trip of the yr is to SINGAPORE, back home!
and of cos, the most important thing of the trip is my dear little sister's wedding. ;)

Spending 3weeks back home, seems such a short time.. and honestly, if i were to spend another week in spore, i might juz wanna stay ther and not come back at all.. but of cos, main thing i hav to go back to dublin is bcos of money.. wel...that is bcos i had spend almost all my money in spore.. and it is mainly for my new baby, Canon 400D!! !! had been eyeing on this SLR since Nov, when i was stil in dublin.. wel, u know me.. once i set my eyes on someting, i wil definitely try to get it.. ;p

Being back home at the end of the yr is really definitely one of the best way to end the yr.. but it was not that perfect as i cant spend the end of the yr wif chris, as it was our 1st yr.. but wel, nex time then. ;) nonetheless, it is almost perfect.. i'll give it 90% then.
I was glad that i had spend the xmas eve at home wif my family, although this yr i didnt, or couldnt organise a house xmas party but everyone is looking forward to my sis wedding and hav already kinda make tat day as one of the xmas gathering already.. lol
and as for the new yr countdown, i was with peishi and her fiance, watchin fireworks, wif millions of pple.. alrite, its a little exaggerating.. prob few hundred thousands then.. ;)
tat also reminds me of, during one of the yr countdwn, i was wif samson, and of cos watchin fireworks, but we had such perfect view of the whole fireworks then. although this time we didnt reali hav a very gd view, but being able to spend this little time wif peishi and countdwning to the new yr is already more than i can say.. ;)

although ther r stil some friends whom i didnt get the chance to meet up when i was back in town, but im glad i do managed to spend more time wif those friends whom i did met up with.
luckily i didnt book any trip to thai or bintan, or else i wouldnt hav tat extra time at all!

this time round when leaving singapore, it is not as hard like the 1st time.. none of us were crying or feeling very sad... as we know, i wil b back again for visit in NOV! as i wil b coming back for peishi & jason's wedding!! ;) back in spore for weddin again eh.. i tink this is the most perfect applicable excuse for me to go back to spore! lol

and yes, i know this is only Jan, but believe it or not, i hav 2008 planned out already, almost the whole yr.. kekekkekek... and i am already looking forward to AUGUST.. as my MUM, together wif my aunt and uncle, they'll b coming to DUBLIN for visit!!
but of cos, first, my 1st trip of this new yr is to BERLIN, and it is this weekend!!
i am going to start accumulate or counting, how many plces i will travel in the whole yr! new hobby!! not forgetting bringin my SLR of cos! my new baby is going to plces wif me, and im going to start frm ther, travel photography.. wel, actualy, i hav been doing tat.. wif my digital cam..

loads of dreams to fulfil, loads of things to do.. and of cos, not forgetting my nclex.. wil defnitely hav to do the exams by april.... argh!!!

I Definitely need more than 24hours in a day!!! !!

Check out my Slide Show!

Friends whom i met up with, spend time with, when back in spore.. ;)
managed to meet up most of them, and im reali thankful that they had also tried to make time for meeting up with me, given my packed schedule. ;p
of cos, ther're stil quite a lot of friends tat i coulsnt meet up with... sorry folks.. nex trip back hoome i will !! ;p

Finaly hav the chance to upload the pics frm my sis's wedding!!
almost 2weeks after the wedding!!
can imagine how busy i was when i was back in spore.......... kekkekkekekekke... more pics coming up though