There's always things in life that is unexplainable, especially death
The sudden death of Lee, has indeed caught everyone of us in shock
and it has also made me ponder abt alot of things too

It was reali hard for all of us to take in the news..
and i had such an urge to call C, just wanna hear his voice, and to tell me that everything is ok
really wished that he is around, to give me a hug, just to hold me, be there for me

Walked down grafton street tonite and the xmas lightings were already out..
and it reminds me of C again
Last yr, we were happily in love, walking dwn the beautiful lighted up grafton st, and took couple of pics of it..

looking upon the stars in the sky.. it reminded me of hw we were always walkin back to my plce frm the city, and the star that he had 'given' me..

is this some kind of joke that GOD is playing on me?
to start losing the person whom i love
to take away people who is bigger than life, like Lee, Aunty May

this time when im going back to spore, it wil b different frm the last time
cos C wont b sending me to the airport, and neither would he be fetching me at the airport when im coming back
i honestly, dun knw why would i stil want to come back, but i have to
wanted to just give him a call and to tel him that i stil love him, but i wouldnt
he wil b leaving to japan soon, and telling him that wont change anything abt it
and cos i knw he doesnt, wouldnt feel the same way for me anymore

i need to get away.. .. for a long time
5weeks.. i seriously dun even think its ever enough..
im kinda more looking forward to 2010 though, than 2009
or mayb i shldnt be left alone, cos that is when my mind starts to rewind n running wild
just like nw.. talkin crap again, goin to b 2am
my last weekend in dublin for 2008

i hav some scary feelings, but wont put it dwn here, cos i hav to reassure myself that everything is going to be ok, and im going to b fine, and i wil b back in dublin for the new yr.
and yes, i will hav to tel myself that.

http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1084560/British-salsa-dance-champion-killed-horror-crash-Spain-celebrating-24th-birthday.html

Stil cant believe tat it is true.. that such a great young talented lad is gone..
For one who has such great personality, big heart, free spirit young man.. who just turned 24..
to tink tat he will be taken away just like tat..

For every heart he has touched, in every single way, he will be missed by all

i think, after hearing this sad news, it gets all of us to tink.
Why? What? When? How? Where?

All the questions that involved Lee's accident
All the questions about Life, Living, Purpose in One's life

What is yr purpose in your Life?

The yr is coming to an end soon, and right nw, im counting dwn to the days that i'll be goin back to spore for my 5weeks of holidays!

looking forward to the trip back home, cos ther's a lot of things tats awaiting for me!
like my sister's delivery of her baby son aka my 1st nephew
then is 1 of my best friend's wedding, Christyne & Jason
then my 1week of vietnam trip
and of cos not forgetting meetin up wif my close friends,
and my 1st week back in spore, is already filling up, i know its kinda fast to hav be fully booked but wel, gues, im just a real busy gal! lol

ther r pics to upload, and tat's goin to take sometime for me to reali want to do tat.. wil try to do it b4 i go home.. i tink i reali hav to.. :(

My 2nd solo trip of the yr - Cote d' Azur, where i had covered Nice, Cannes & Monaco.

Nw, truly believed that everything happens for a reason, and this unplanned planned trip to Nice has really been a very refreshing & re-energise trip.

Those who knew me well, would have no difficulty to understand why i love this place, and hw this trip has made me feel so much better now.

Just received the bad news frm my godmum regarding the death of Aunty May..
The last time i saw her was prob 2-3yrs ago, and she was still healthy & happy.. got to knw tat she has cancer abt 1-2yr ago, and has always been praying for her although i am so far away frm home. Hav been following up abt her progress frm my godmum ever since her diagnosis of cancer, and recently it just got worse, when her body is failing her.

This is what i dreaded most, even though i am workin as a nurse, and have seen all these many times.. but.. when it is happening to my close ones, to those whom i reali knw in person, in life, i stil cant handle it myself, and i knw im not strong to handle tat too...

The thing that i dreaded most, is to see (know) the deterioration of one's health.. witnessing the slow death of one.. somehw, im glad that i am not in spore to go through this, but i hav a stronger feeling of wishing tat i am back in spore to go through this wif them...

Glad in a way, that she is not suffering anymore, and that she's back in GOD's arms, and all of us know tat she is happy nw. At least, they were all there when she's going..

This strong negative emotions is gettin on fast n strong on me tat, now im feelin sick.. and the freezing weather is not helpin me either..

losing someone in life is never an easy task.. cos i had lost that someone, and i knw hw much it reali hurts.. and hw deep is the wound... no matter hw hard i try to put it back together, i realised its stil there..

i may seemed to hav gettin on pretty well, but hav i??

Im Still At the Same Place, Waiting, Wishing, Hoping.. ..

Is this Hw its goin to be.. ?
Is this hw its going to end??
Is this hw its supposed to be???

Its amazing hw the yr has gone flashing by, and nw its going to be the end of Sept, and just one more month to go for my bday. Didnt imagine tat i would be on my own for this yr bday though.. it was hard to take, but i knw i hav to b strong. But seriously, tinking back, i stil tink im fortunate & lucky enough to have gone through all these, all the good, happy & sad, heartbreaking events. Im stil a human being with feelings!!!!!!

Every yr for my bday, i always make a point to buy something for myself, (wel, i buy things for myself everytime, anytime i can actualy) hmm, not the usual shopping stuffs tat i would get for myself of cos! Birthday present for myself is definitely more expensive than the usual shopping! ;)

Due to lots of changes in my life for the past few mths.. i didnt reali hav the time / energy to reali tink abt this yr bday.. So at the last minute deal i can get for my bday - is to go to Frankfurt for 3days, and of cos, flying off on my bday itself, right after my night shift as well.. couldnt go away for the whole week, cos im expecting a gd friend frm spore to come and visit me during the week too, so hav to b in dublin for the rest of the week..

Ther'r so many things tat i wanna get for myself at the same time too.. but gues, would hav to wait for me to b back in spore to get them myself.. Not expecting any of my friends or family to get them for me, cos they are actualy reali quite expensive.

My list of things to get
- Mini Laptop (Asus EEE-PC 701) i simply fall in love with the pink version!!
- Portable hard drive
- 4 port USB
- New mobile, preferably a smartphone like Nokia E71
- Sony T300
- Accessories for my baby, Canon 400D, like external flash, battery grip etc.. .. ..

Have to realli decide which one is most impt, the most tat i need. . . .

Right now, how i wished i am still working in Spore, cos i can get some of the stuffs with the bonus tat i would get at the end of the yr, and prob would hav got some of it too by nw, with the bonus tat we would get for June... sigh.....

But of cos, i stil count my blessings to be here instead, cos having the opportunity to travel ard here.. .. wel, gues thats the main reason why i am goin to b stil here.. in a way or another..

I Love OCTOBER, simply because im born in the month of OCT!! !! !! ;)

Was watching Sex & the city on tv earlier today.. and had me thinking..

Is Relationship just a Game or is it an open, honest communication relationship??

In most relationships, it always begins to b in a game.
Where the chasing, fallin in love starts.. for those who remains in the game for too long,wil find it tiring, gets bored & sick, and calls for time out. Some loves to remain in the game, bcos of the control one can get on another.
There are always rules & regulations in the game. Those who know the rules, can be in the game and rule the game. Those who dont, always get themselves hurt, broken, and though they would say they wouldnt want to play anymore, most will still find themselves fallin into another game.

To me, in any kind of relationship, it has to be open & honest relationship.
Be it with yr friends, family, love, or even co-workers.. or even for my patients..
i always try to have it as open & honest as i can.
wel, maybe not to my family.. somehow or rather, i always find myself hard to express my feelings to my family, i tend to hide them more than to my friends. Being the eldest in my family, i always hav to be stronger & more independent, and thus making me so used to be having to put up a strong front even though when i might be hurting, bleeding deep inside, but i can never show this side of me to my family, especially my parents. Even when im sick.. i stil find myself doing tat.. hiding it, pushing myself,

The key factor in a relationship esp love, is honesty & openness.
Frankly, not many pple can be like this.
To many, u cant be too honest or open esp in love r/s
cos yr partner might not b able to handle tat..
wel, mayb, yr partner might not to b able to take it nw, but he will, as many pple just need time

For any r/s to work out, honesty & openness in communication is impt.
and of cos Time wil tell the truth.
So even if one is trying to hide something, somehw, the truth wil find its way out.

Time will not only tell the truth, it will also heal the wound.
All one need is TIME.

Time to be alone.
Time to breathe.
Time to think.
Time to find oneself again.

It was a hit series back then when it 1st showing on tv, and nw, finally the movie, feeling like it is putting an official ending for Carrie & Mr Big, and the rest of the characters as well. I personally like the movie very much, as it reminds me so much of myself in a way or two, and people close to me too.

The closeness of their friendship reminds me so much of me & my close friends, makes me miss all of my friends back in spore. It reminds me that, no matter hw far apart we are, we know that we will be there always for one another. And i also know that i will always have their support in whatever decisions tat i have made. Just like when i decided to move to the other part of the world, although they couldnt bear for me to go, worry abt me going on my own, still, they gave me all the support that i need to make it here.

Then, it is the gesture of love that Mr Big have for Carrie.. makes me miss CHRIS so much..
The kiss on my nose, on my forehead.. all these small gestures means a lot to me,

All the simple, little gestures of love, i miss them so much.
I know I really love you.

Check out my Slide Show!

A gd fren-colleague pointed out something to me today at work, and get me thinking..

"Working with me is very stressful."

Was 'precepting' a SN and was havin a student for the last few times at work.. reminds me so much of work back in spore. I enjoy teaching / coaching / sharing my knowledge, and i dont mind doing that, as long as the receiver is receptive, interested & motivated. Attitude & behavior of the person is very important, that i am, sometimes, do very particular abt the little small things abt a person, that i think, this is the problem or difficulty tat im having.

Reflecting on my work, seriously, i think i am kinda perfectionist, although i am a Libran..
i realised, that i am kinda control freak too. All these can be good, and bad too, depends on who i am working with though. Just like for the last couple days, i was with one who is very untidy & disorganised, but as she is still a student, it is understandable & can be teach. But if it is like today, where my 'partner' is already a SN, it gets difficult & frustrating for me.. esp when consdiering that she is older than me.. I cant be always be at her back and cleaning up her mess!!

The student told me that another gd fren-colleague passed a comment abt the way i work too, that i am very on time, that i always finish my work on time. well, the fact is that i always finish my work before time. i always make it a point to finish my work at least an hour before the nex shift comes on duty.

Realising hw perfectionist & controlling i am.. i started to ask myself..
what abt my close friends, my family, my ex-bfs, my bf..

Do they feel pressurised being with me??
Am i too controlling, overbearing??
Am i moving too fast for them to catch up?

I wonder.

有人说过- 爱的越深，伤得也会深。

也不知道为什么，明明已经把自己的心好好的封锁，建立了一道围墙，可是还是被一一的解开了。可是结果还是跟以前一样，又再一次的被爱情给打败了。

当我连对自己也开始怀疑自己的能力再踞续逞下去，爱娜说了一句话，贴心而真实，

“我的心是很大，可以承受这个世界，只是承受不了爱情的伤害”

而我的弟弟也说，“我以为你已经习惯了，分手和伤心的过程”

说真的，连我也自我安慰的对自己说这两句话， 心也比较好了，已经满满的恢复了以前单身的生活。

毕竟，建立围墙和封锁自己的心，是我拿手的强项。

rihanna's new song, which is Alli's new fav song, and me too. simply love her haircut, but too bad i cant pull tat off. ;)

new fav singer - leona lewis. Beautiful Song, beautiful lyrics

These pics were taken a couple mths ago, was waiting to get the photoshop prgm and was too busy to try out the prgm. This was my 1st time @ the Race circuit, & of cos it was Chris who brought me there. Nw i understand why my dad is always watching the race circuit on every sunday, and well, i know he will b wishing that he was here watchin LIVE. I like the Racing part, but really love the drifting though. It was so intense watching 2 cars, being so close and yet, not crashing into each other, jeez.. that really takes a lot of skills! I wanted so much to be in that car to experience the drifting though. ;) i have always love speed, excitement, adrenaline rushing, and this is definitely one of them. This is also one of my reason why im not taking any driving lessons, tests, exams.. i can foresee myself being a hazard on the road.. but.. it is still very tempting to get the car license too. Ah, will see hw i feel.

Had actualy more photos taken @ the circuit, but they are either too small, images are little too blur to sharpen, bcos i was using my digital camera, or they are not that 'perfect' cos i didnt take the whole pic of the car.. wel, i didnt realised tat i did that though.. nw i know, what is considered as a gd pic of a car.. must take the whole car, lesson learnt frm Chris.. ;)

Just when i thought i can really have the happiness that i deserve, i lost it all again.. this is the worst day i have ever been, the worst thing that i have ever done, and it really hurts. To tink that i am the one who destroys everything because i worry, think too much.
Used to ask all the close friends who found their right one, hw do they know that this is the one.. and their answer was, u will know when u meet the right one. Really dont know wat to write nw, cos it has become so empty.. the very 1st time i have ever felt emptiness.. wel, to forget tat i was almost got ran over while crossing the road cos i wasnt really there.. and concluded tat stayin in is the best way to avoid all these hazards.. and to cry my eyes out.. this time it is really very hard to control, i tried, tried really hard but it didnt work.. walking down the busy streets, with a lot of things goin on around me, i just dun even care anymore.. im juz crap.. im tired of being the strong one, who seems to be having everything in my control, tired of teling everybody that i am fine, when im not, tired of not telling the people hw hard it has been for me because didnt want them to worry abt me.. tired of myself that i kept pushing myself so hard all the time.. i dun like all the ugly things tat i have seen in life, on the streets, at work, on the world, where is my rainbow, my sunshine, i want to feel them once again.. need to find my inner peace, prob i shld rest, rest my body, my mind & my soul.... all these pain physically and emotionally.. juz shouldnt & couldnt ignore them anymore.. still wanna wake up in the morning, and grateful to be alive. although its has always been my wish tat if even when i die, i wanna go in my sleep.. but tink i have changed my mind abt tat. enough of blabbling nonsense..

2nd trip with Chris - Vienna & Bratislava.

It is May, supposingly Spring, but this yr, is definitely a very cold Spring, with daily temperature ranging 7-9degrees... honestly, this is really not im looking forward to.. n totally blaming the fact of global warming.. gues it is worse than what we, the humans, the destructors of the earth, predicted.. Now we are paying for the price..

Imagine, hailing in spring.. tats unbelievable.. but somehow, the flowers are still blooming.. although its as cold as winter.. im starting to wonder, if does it really matter to the flowers whether, spring or summer, cold, cool or warm.. they r stil in bloom in april, may.. tats weird..

Anyhow, i have been waiting for too long for the weather to b better.. and i am gettin sick of the cold too... prob subconsciously, that is also why i am travelling out of dublin, whenever i can.. .. ..
just wanna getaway frm the cold..

Im glad that my mum, aunt & uncle are coming @ the end of july.. the weather shld b better by then!! !! So lots of trips this yr, breaking my own record!! which also means breaking my own bank... ... !! ;p

Its been a long time since i had last had movie review on my blog! Wel, went to watch this today, and i do like this movie, mainly because of the diving, treasure hunt theme, and of cos the crew, Kate Hudson & Matthew McConaughey. ;)

It reminds me hw much i missed being @ the beach, @ the sea, with my bikini, suntanning.
And it also reminds me of my scuba diving experience, which i totally had a fantastic, unforgettable time.. which i really missed it too!!

But im glad that at least today, we did get a little bit of sun during the day, and i was really lucky that i was home by afternoon, that i can put on my shorts, and sit by the balcony, tryin to get as much sun as possible.. im really in need of tat!! !!

Being back in dublin for the past 4mths+, with the winter, and super cold spring, havin to wear all the layers of clothes to keep myself warm, i am also gettin fairer n fairer.. definitely not bcos i want to be 'compatible' wif chris.. and furthermore, i wont spend the money on the sunbeds as well, waste of money & increasing the risk of skin cancer.. wel, its not as though that i wont get skin cancer by suntanning.. but what i really want or need is to feel the warmth of the sunshine, that makes me feeling alive, recharged & of cos, happy. ;)

Life & Death is inevitable, everyone of us know that, especially for me, when i have seen so many of it happened in front of my eyes.. and although i have tried hard not to be emotionally effected by it like i used to be, but this time round, it is different.. because, this time, it is not any of my patients who had passed away.. but she's a friend, a colleague, a very very sweet, soft spoken lady.. who had (has) a bright, promising & loving future ahead of her, but everything is gone now..

Still cant believe that this is all true... that she & her husband are both in heaven now.. newly married for 3mths.. knowing each other & had gone through hardships & had maintained their long distance relationship for more than 1yr & finally tied the knot early this yr... out of the sudden, he fell sick with chicken pox & developed complications & then multi-organ failure.. and passed away on sun, the next day when she arrived to the hospital in Dubai.. all within a week.. he expired on last sunday morning.. and she.. died exactly 1week after that..

That sets me or prob everyone of us thinking.. and prob hoping.. that both of them are at least together now.. in heaven.. in their world..

I have heard and seen these kind of cases before.. in old couples.. like one passed away & the other gone as well, after the death of their very loved one.. could it be when one is emotionally, physically totally drained.. totally gone.. n when one's heart is dead.. there's nothing left in the soul.. in the body to continue one's life.. and everything just shut down..

& now. i have another thing to add in my list when i die.. i wanna die in the season of summer...
Not in the winter because its damn too cold. although i love white & snow..
Not in spring.. because i dont personally love flowers..
Not in autumn.. because all the lleaves are falling.. which will also reminds me of death...
Summer.. will be the best season for me to go.. even if not, the best 2nd choice would be winter then.. at least white is my favourite color, and it would go very well with my theme for my funeral..

So.. lesson of the day.....
(look at the title of my blog)...

"Live life to the fullest"

Because no one knows, when its yr time to leave this beautiful place..
although sometimes it can be very ugly too..

Treasure the people in yr life.. treasure what you have in yr hands..
Look around you.. open yr eyes, open yr heart & listen & feel..
the wonder of life.. breathe it in into yr body.. & be grateful that you are still alive..
make a diferrence in yr life, in other's life.. do yr part to make this world a better place to be in..

Finally went to look for this restaurant, Jo Burger, which is recommended by Rebecca months ago.. went there wif Chris, after we get back frm scotland n his plce.. ;) HUGE BURGER!! Definitely worth the money & the whole restaurant is totally cool too! the menu is on a old comic mag, the whole wall of the plce is painted wif cool graffitti like pics.. reali a nice plce!

Seems like we are like restaurant , food critic, who goes round tryin out plces.. which we both reali enjoy together. ;) juz hope i wont get fat wif all these!!

our 1st trip together, after my 1week of night shift, we were off to scotland for abt 3days.
although glasgow is reali kinda small city, it does make me feel im a local already, bcos the whole plce is easily accessible. ;) and furthermore, there's a cineworld in the city as wel, and tat i was havin my unlimited card along, we went for movies, ;) juz felt like we were back in dublin, in a way.. kekkeke

We took the train for abt 1 1/2 hrs to edinburgh, apparently it was the slowest train! cos when we took the train back to glasgow, it was only abt an hour!
both of us like edinburgh more than glasgow.. wel, ther's much more things to do n see in edinburgh, compared to glasgow.. it is a little more touristic.. but hey! We'r tourists!! lol

nevertheless, it was a great trip still, despite that the weather is colder than dublin.. but, spending time wif each other is more impt! ;)

Finally get to meet up wif chris after 2busy weekends of salsa & travel. ;)
We finally get our warm butts out of the house on sat afternoon despite of the on/off raining weather.. typical ireland's weather anyway.. Got on the Dart n went to Howth. ;)
Although it does looks reali blue n great weather in the pic.. it was cold n raining earlier when we juz reached howth. Pics @ the harbour were taken after our fantastic lunch @ Deep 2 Restaurant.




Starter - Mediterarean Soup.
It is really GoooooooooD!!


Seafood platter for 2.
Chris Favourite - the prawns tempura!
My fav - prawn salad
The seafood is so fresh here n so much cheaper too!!
Salmon n calamari r very good too.. Geez.. the whole plate is cool!!


Dessert - Death by Chocolate
Needless to say.. this dessert blows the 2 of us away too..
Im a choc lover, but for chris, who doesnt take too sweet stuffs.. he likes the dessert too.
its not too sweet, n the combination is really perfect!


The whole restaurant has realy nice ambience with a very cool bar & heaters all around the plce. Good Food, with good service from the servers, wat else r we asking for.. we r giving both our thumbs up for this plce! For this lunch, it is even less than 40euros in total! Great Deal!